hymn

starting a rumor that nhl players like golf because they can ride the cart out into an open field with very little people (witnesses) around and then just suck and fuck under the open sun like god intended. while having the minor thrill that someone /could/ potentially see because they’re athletes and love a little risk. that’s why they’re always out on the courses but they’re never actually that good. you think they’re actually playing? no, they do a couple holes and once they’re further in the course it’s just defacing the golf carts and grass. and whenever they chirp each other on camera about each others’ “golf game” that’s just an open secret for how good they fuck. the end.

because remember that videos from spring training where they asked the guys who they need to warn shelty about and half of them said luke because he’s apparently a psycho. like what goes on in that fucking clubhouse.

byron buxton send tweet