do what makes you happy

As I am writing this, I am currently eating mani which I boiled for almost 30 mins. Facing my new laptop, that a new employer has provided for my new work. Iba din talaga mag-alaga ni Lord noh? He's always giving you the biggest challenges but at the same time at the end of the day, He is giving you enough time to breathe and recover. He's going to save you every time you decide to hold on and fight. It's like after a storm, he's giving you a reward for not giving up - but diba why give the storm in the first place? But however, I'm not here to question that cause I'm thankful.

My husband's currently sleeping. We went to bed at around 8pm - we look tired and exhausted that we fell asleep so fast. Past 1:30am, nagising ako, worried cause it's almost 6 hours that I didn't pee because of that deep sleep. So here I am, my brain decided to just do random stuffs instead of going back to bed.

I remember myself being a perfectionist. Whenever I do a task, it has to be perfect with minimal issues or errors. But today I realized, the more that I do that, the more I am holding out all the words that I could've said, all the things I could've did, all the moments I could've experienced - letting myself out. Let me tell you about this realization - It will burn the hell of you out if you live in closed doors.

Essentially, that's what explains why I am currently under the worst situations now - if I didn't do a thing properly, I immediately give up and accept defeat, never fight for it ever again. Meanwhile, I should not be thinking that way. Fear makes us lose.

But losing also means learning.