Forgiven and Loved

God could have easily given me what I've asked for but instead He makes me wait because while I wait I have discovered the depth of His love. I have learned to rest in Him. I know that I can trust Him even when I'm unsure of the future. Knowing God like this...it's worth far more than what I have been asking for.

1. He humbled me

I was asked to help serve at this retreat as small group facilitator. I had spent all week preparing for group discussions. I was set on coming to the retreat to be a blessing to the kids. Group time came and I felt horribly ineffective as a faciltator/teacher. The kids weren't very talkative and I felt like I wasn't being clear.

Then Saturday afternoon, it hit me. "He must become greater; I must become less". I was doing too much and getting in the way of God. I realized as long as the gospel was being preached then Jesus would take care of the rest. 

I pray that this is the same attitude I would take as I serve in different ministries. 

2. My story is not my own, but it is God's

So it was testimony time, and typical me. I just sat there with the "ohh i'm too shy to go up there" mentality. As I sat in my chair, I felt the Holy Spirit calling me to share my testimony, because after all this life is not mine but His.

Last night was the first time I shared my testimony in front of everyone. I did things in my past I was ashamed of but Jesus reminded me that He took the shame of my sins when He died on the cross. The experiences in my life, my testimony, God wants me to use that to bless and encourage others. Thank you Lord for my story, because in all my imperfections you made it all right when you loved me enough to save me from death. 

3. He taught me not to base my faith on emotions but on His word.

I'm a girl. I'm emotional. My faith it waxes and wanes. In my selfishness I seek the Lord when I'm at my extremes but never in the middle. God wants me to be firmly rooted in Him and in the gospel. How? I need to be the "doing"...I need to read the bible, pray, and spend time reflecting on God. When I am firmly rooted in His word then those emotions, they won't sway my faith as easily. 

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried; Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied. I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate, And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait." "Wait? You say, wait?!" my indignant reply. "Lord, I need answers. I need to know why! Is Your hand shortened? Or have You not heard? By faith I have asked and I'm claiming Your Word. My future and all to which I can relate Hang in the balance, and You tell me to WAIT? I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign, Or even a 'no' to which I can resign. Oh, Lord, I've been asking and this is my cry; I'm weary of asking. I need a reply!" Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate As my Master replied once again, "You must wait." So I slumped in my chair defeated and taut And grumbled to God, "So I'm waiting...for what?" He seemed then, to kneel, and His eyes wept with mine, And He tenderly said, 'I could give you a sign. I could shake the heavens and darken the sun; I could raise the dead and causes mountains to run. All you seek, I could give, and pleased you will be; You would have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me. You would not know the depth of My love for each saint. You would not know the power that I give to the faint. You would not learn to see through the clouds of despair. You would not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there. You would not know the joy of resting in Me When darkness and silence are all you can see. You'd never experience that fullness of love As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove. Sure, you'd known that I give and I save...(for a start), But you would not know the depth of the beat of My heart. The glow of My comfort late into the night, The faith that I give when you walk without sight, The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked Of an infinite God Who makes what you have last... You'd never know should your pain quickly flee, What it means that 'My grace is sufficient for thee." Yes, your dreams for yourself overnight would come true, But, oh, the loss, if I lost what I'm doing in you! So, be silent, My child, and in time you will see That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me. And though often My answers seem terribly late, My most precious reply is still, "Child, you must wait!"

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