ââ "GOJO SENSEI TOLD ME NOT TO."Â
gojĆ returns from his fight, but something doesn't look right when you finally see him again.
Satoru stands before you, his gaze ever searching through yours, embedding you in a way you wish he wouldn't. Within his deep-set blue eyes, something feels amiss. They don't look manipulative â no mischief you could have detected right away. There is, obviously, no trace of the certain way his eyes bring about him.Â
This one watches you softly, almost carefully. Not meekly though; rather, he holds the kind of innocent trait that is nearly impossible for Satoru to possess.
"Don't fuck with me right now . . ." You break into a humorless laugh, even though this isn't a laughing matter.Â
"I â" his voice cracks. It's unlike him.Â
"What have you done?" You start. "Hm?"
Satoru remains rigidly quiet, fists clenched against his sides.Â
"Say something," you push his chest harshly, "you always get the last say, so do something."Â
You shake your head. That won't do. It's unlike him to stay still.Â
"Satoru," you call with that sweet voice he loves most, "why do you have stitches on your head? Hm? Couldn't you have gone to ShĆko for that? Why mar your perfect forehead?"Â
Clearing his throat, he says, "I-I had to do it . . ."
"Do what?" Your head tilts, questioningly. "Is there something you didn't tell me?"Â
His lips tremble faintly. Anyone might have missed it. But the thing about you is that you know Satoru most. That little quirk of his lip will never go unnoticed by you â even if it's unlike him to do so.
You ram your fist against his chest again. He only takes a step back.Â
Deep down in your heart, you know what is true. This isn't Satoru. This isn't the man who promised you absolution. This one, standing in a ball of anxiety, continues to shake even though his eyes refuse to look anywhere else but you.Â
However, it's easier to deny what you fear most. And so you do that.Â
Denial. Denial. Denial. That's what it is.Â
But then this Satoru calls your name, and that's when you know that you cannot run away from the truth forever.
The scream tears through you in the most unthinkable sound to have ever graced your lips, effectively cutting YĆ«ta off. It's the combination of all there never would be anymore: the longing, the love, the loss, the anguish, the teasing, and the knowing of never having to see him again.Â
YĆ«ta looks at you through Satoru's eyes â through those eyes you loved most, that you've watched open and close many, many times â as his fingers shake uncontrollably, unsure how to begin rectifying something he never really committed.
"I have to â" his voice cracks brokenly, "â please understand, I had to. I'd never wanted this. I'm sorry. He wouldn't â he wouldn't let anyone get caught in his . . ."
You scream louder, like a possessed being wailing across the souls of those alive. You pull your hair; strands fall on the ground, and you do just about anything to try and withdraw from this horrible, unimaginable pain.Â
"I only have a minute left . . . I have to return to my body. But, I couldn't leave him out there . . ." YĆ«ta weeps openly. "I can't leave GojĆ Sensei alone. I wanted to bring him back to you. Somehow. Someway. I'm sorry. I should've â"Â
Perhaps it's YĆ«ta, being the one who's drawn closest to you amongst all of Satoru's students, or maybe it's the muscle memory of your lover â but whoever took control, they enveloped you securely into their arms and told you a book filled with apologies and lies to soothe whatever guttural feeling that's killing you inside.Â
You can feel the warmth of his body encasing you in its last burst of energy, and you cling onto that, onto him who's nothing but a carcass already.Â
Finally, you allow yourself to collapse.Â
"How could you do this to me!" You hear yourself scream. Yƫta doesn't let you go. He holds you tighter. You can still smell the faint scent of Satoru mixed with that horrid reality of blood and death. "How could you! This wasn't part of the plan! You told me you'd win! You said you would! Where is it?! How dare you! How fucking dare you! How could you do this to me, Satoru!"
For that whole minute YĆ«ta gives you, he holds you like how his sensei would've. He whispers things to your ear, deluding you into believing it was Satoru. Until his body convulses, and with one last apology, both from the man you loved and the student you care for most, YĆ«ta finally returns to his own body, and you are left with the real Satoru â hollow and empty and still.Â
Your hands fumble up in the air, your mouth hangs wide open for a scream that never comes, your eyes well with so many tears, wide and unblinking, and you look at nowhere else but to your own lover who stares at you. The blues have dimmed to grays, and there is nothing you can do about that.Â
"Don't do this to me, please. I'm begging you. God, please, Satoru. Please, please, please." You beg, shaking his body desperately. "Please. Please, please, please, Satoru, please, please, please, please."Â
You continue to shake him. Maybe if you shake him a bit harder, he'd jump-start and return. He'd make a teasing remark that he got you good this time. You wouldn't get angry. You wouldn't even smack the hell out of him. In fact, you'd laugh with him. You'd kiss him, and kiss him, and never let go.Â
"Please, Satoru. Please. Please, open your eyes. I'm begging you. I'll do anything, please, wake up. Please, please, please, for me. Please, Satoru. Please, wake up. Please, please, please, please, please."Â
YĆ«ta kneels in front of you. "I-I'm sorry. I â GojĆ Sensei has to rest his eyes. Let me . . ."Â
You don't remember whether or not you've agreed; all you remember is that Satoru's eyes close for the final time when YĆ«ta's bloodied fingers decide to force them to rest. You are too numb to do it, and he is too selfless to let you.Â
Then that's when you begin to bargain because what else can you do right now? You beg, scream, and demand that there might be some curse technique out there that can bring him back. When the only breathing person in the infirmary tells you that there isn't any curse he knows of, you try another way.
You manage to crawl on your knees towards YĆ«ta, begging him to curse Satoru the way he did to Rika for her. Sure, you sound delirious, and you probably are, but that doesn't stop you from shaking YĆ«ta's hand and begging him.Â
That you would take care of Satoru, that you would set him free eventually even though both of you know that that's a damn lie, that it would be okay â just, just, just please, bring him back.Â
But YĆ«ta can only force himself to hold your hand, crying with you through fits of hiccups and ragged breathing because he can't, above all else, comply with your wishes. "GojĆ Sensei told me not to."Â
And you scream again. "That isn't fair! He left me! How could he have done this? He can't tell me what is or isn't right! When he knows I can't do this without him! I can't do this! YĆ«ta, I can't. Please! Please! Bring him back! To me! Please!"Â
Someone tries to enter the room. Your hands grapple with a chair, and you wildly throw it against the door, effectively keeping them out. They've had their chance being with Satoru â and it's not fair.
"GET OUT! GET OUT ALL OF YOU! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM!"
YĆ«ta pushes the other objects away from your grasp, and immediately orders the people outside not to enter under any circumstances. Then, he crouches to your level and holds you tightly. YĆ«ta says nothing, despite your nails digging against his back, despite you pulling the front of his hair and shirt, despite everything you're putting him through.Â
Things wouldn't stop moving, breathing, and living. And yet, Yƫta continues to hold you.
"Yƫta," you beg once more, in a whisper no less broken than the others you've implored, "Please, please, bring him back to me. What can I do to make you help me bring him back? Please, Yƫta."
Yëta sobs. "Because G-Gojà Sensei told me not to."
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