and i don't want the world to see me, 'cause i don't think that they'd understand. when everything's made to be broken, i just want you to know who i am.
“i just don’t get any of this,” eddie frowned, sinking onto the grass after his third failed attempt to pick up a rock. it was smaller than the palm of his hand, and yet it had slipped through his grasp every time he’d tried to grab it. his lack of abilities were, perhaps, the most embarrassing part of being a ghost - though they definitely weren’t the most troubling. it still bothered him, though, to feel so incapable. he wasn’t used to it. perfection had never come easily to him, but he’d always managed to achieve what he wanted through hard work in the past. these days, though, his hard work wasn’t getting him anywhere.
logically, eddie knew he wasn’t the only one struggling to hold things - both of his bandmates were still learning how to ghost properly as well. it just seemed like it should be easier. why did it have to be so hard for him ?
he sighed, glancing over at rafa, who had been kind enough to agree to help him this afternoon at the park closest to tito’s. eddie knew he was lucky to have met a ghost like rafa so quickly after coming back; rafa might not have had all of the answers, but any answers were better than none. “what am i doing wrong?”
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eddie was grateful that they had a place to stay right now - that was one less thing to worry about. and the list for things to worry about ? it was long. a lot longer than even eddie was used to. there was just so much that they didn’t know. rafa was a help, but even he only had so many answers. why couldn’t everyone see them ? what had happened to their families ? and the worst of the list, the one that eddie wouldn’t even let himself think about for too long: was this it ? did anything come after this, or were they just stuck here forever ? honestly...he didn’t like any of the potential answers with that question.
he knew it had to be annoying, pacing back and forth across tito’s living room. they were at work, and eddie wasn’t sure where august had gone. he had thought briefly about going somewhere himself, before realizing that there weren’t a lot of places he wanted to go right now. but, maybe getting out of tito’s apartment would be good for him. pausing to look at dali, he bit his lip.
“i think i’m going to go to the beach.” he told her, rubbing the back of his neck. surely it hadn’t changed that much, right ? a few new businesses nearby, maybe, but the shore itself would be mostly the same. he needed a constant right now - something that could tether him back to their past. the beach would do that, he hoped. “do you want to come? ”
it had been fifteen years since he had said that, eddie knew. even then, he wasn’t entirely sure who the last person had been. “my parents, maybe ? “ he guessed, biting his lip. had he told them he loved them the last time he had been over for dinner ? he knew that he’d been annoyed as he was leaving. they hadn’t been paying attention while he talked about the gig at atlas, and it had upset him. “maybe dali and august, after our set at club 2000.” that was also a possibility. eddie had been giddy, he remembered, adrenaline pumping as he’d helped to load their instruments into the van. in the excitement of the night, the words had probably slipped out at some point.
03: do you regret anything?
“who doesn’t ? “ eddie replied with a small shrug. of course he had regrets. his life hadn’t been perfect, as hard as he’d tried to make it that way. “i regret playing soccer for as long as i did.” honestly, he would have been much happier quitting it in middle school, but he’d stuck it out until he graduated high school for his parents’ sake. “i regret not being nicer to izzy, sometimes.” he had tried to be a good big brother, but he knew he wasn’t always as kind to her as she deserved. “majoring in economics is a huge one.” if he’d had the choice, that never would have happened in the first place. “not trying to leave the club earlier.”
with a wince, eddie nodded. “yeah. for four years, i was in college working part time, while playing with killer conclusions. there have been a lot of times where i stayed up for 48 hours. it’s not fun or pretty, though. i don’t recommend it ! but if you do, make sure you’ve got a lot of coffee and somewhere to crash when you’re done.”
36: do you give out second chances too easily?
“…yes.” it wasn’t an answer he was happy about, but it was the truth. “people usually deserve them. not everyone, but most people, you know ?” and eddie wasn’t always the best at dealing with people who were upset. if someone came to him an apologized, usually, eddie felt the need to forgive them and move past things. he knew that wasn’t always healthy, but at the end of the day, it was his decision to make. “the only people i don’t really give extra chances to are people who hurt the people i care about.”
51: favourite food?
“sudado de pollo,” eddie replied with a tight smile. “my mom used to cook it pretty regularly for us.” she had grown up making it with her own mother, and made it for them all of the time. he and izzy used to help her out with it some, until one of them inevitably burned something or added in the wrong seasoning. if he thought about it enough, he could still remember the taste of it.
“yes,” eddie answered without hesitation, frowning slightly. “i miss my sister, izzy. she used to get on my nerves so much. seriously, i think she lived for that shit. but she also always had my back, you know ? she was always the first person to tell me when i needed to slow down and take a break from something, or push me when she could see i was hesitating because of something stupid. she’s the one who introduced me to the keyboard. i miss her a lot.”
27: have you ever broken someone’s heart?
eddie sighed, nodded his head. “yeah. i mean, i never did it on purpose, though. just...it was hard finding a balance when it came to school, work and the band. in college, i definitely wasn’t the greatest boyfriend all of the time.” he hadn’t meant to hurt anyone, but he’d always put the band first. after all, he was supposed to have a lifetime to fall in love, right ?
62: what makes you happy?
“playing piano,” he answered immediately. music had always relaxed him; it also never failed to make him happy. “hanging out with dali and august, although they also make me want to scream.” eddie loved his best friends, even when he also hated them. “going to the beach. reading. playing a sold out gig. coming up with a new killer melody.”
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“oh, um,” eddie paused, rubbing the back of his neck. it wasn’t that he didn’t have ideas, he just hadn’t thought much about dates lately. “well, i always really liked going to the beach. so maybe hang out there for a bit, then go grab something to eat at a food truck nearby ? and then maybe we’d finish off at a concert or something like that. i wouldn’t want to do anything too formal or anything like that right away; just something where we could talk and get to know one another without a lot of pressure, you know ? but if this isn’t, like, a first date... i always wanted to take someone to the la phil. i know that might not be everyone’s perfect date, but i used to love saving up to go. i think it would have been nice to share that with someone else.”
the lovers: do you have a crush?
the last guy he’d liked would be almost forty by now, a thought that made eddie grimace. “um, not really,” he admitted after a minute, biting his lip. so much had happened lately that romance wasn’t really the first thing on his mind right now. he wasn’t even sure how good of an idea it was for a ghost to develop a crush. it could only lead to heartbreak, right ?
“there are so many good ones,” eddie sighed, thinking back to a few of his favorites. “i mean, you can never go wrong with john williams. honestly, the man is a legend. star wars, jaws, jurassic park - i mean, come on ! if i have to pick just one, i think i’ve got to go with star wars.”
the hierophant: do you believe in ghosts?
sighing heavily, eddie nodded. “if you’d asked me fifteen years ago, i probably would have said no, or at least been skeptical. but yes, i obviously believe in ghosts now.” it was sort of hard not to when he was literally a ghost.
the fool: do you have any nicknames?
the magician: have you ever written a poem or song about somebody else?
the high priestess: what is your dream date?
the empress: do you think you will ever get married?
the emperor: what are some names that you like?
the hierophant: do you believe in ghosts?
the lovers: do you have a crush?
the chariot: thoughts on astrology?
strength: what is your dream occupation?
the hermit: what is your favorite soda pop?
wheel of fortune: first three songs that come on shuffle?
justice: favorite color of rose?
the hanged man: favorite movie soundtrack?
death: what are three things you want to do before you die?
temperance: can you describe a strange dream you’ve had?
the devil: do you enjoy thunderstorms?
the tower: favorite colors to wear?
the star: have you ever seen a psychic?
the moon: have you ever written a love letter?
the sun: do you believe in magic?
judgement: do you enjoy school?
the world: do you like waking up early?
“Okay, Eduardo, I feel like it might be time to discuss the elephant in the room.” When Tito introduced Kerry to the ghosts, at first, she thought they were yanking her chain. But she couldn’t argue with her eyes (or at least, not for too long), and slowly Kerry has begun to acclimate to the possibility of these supernatural beings walking around Hollywood with her and her friends. Still, there were some things that Kerry wanted to figure out. “Are you cursed to wear this outfit or is it a personal preference? I find the latter hard to believe but… wouldn’t be the first time, right?” @ofbarreras
eddie blinked, curious as to what kerry defined as the elephant in the room. there were a lot of elephants in the room, if he were being honest. coming back meant thinking about and acknowledging a lot of things, and eddie wasn’t doing his best with processing any of them. meeting tito and kerry, though, had at least been a mostly positive experience, even if he was still nervous around them. they seemed nice enough, but suddenly being stuck with three ghosts couldn’t have been their first choice. a part of him wondered if a day would come where the three of them were told to leave permanently.
when kerry asked about his outfit, though, eddie couldn’t help but frown. “what’s wrong with my outfit?” he asked, glancing down at the baggy jeans and double layered t-shirt. it was casual, comfortable. maybe not edgy, but it’s not like he was performing now. and besides, only a handful of people could even see him. who did he need to impress?
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the cathedral was one of the few places august could find some sanity these days. outside of these doors, he was staring down the barrel of fifteen years worth of life he knew nothing about. in a constant state of confusion and disbelief. ( since when did hip hop surpass rock music anyhow ! ) but at cathedral, it was like he was stepping into a time machine, and placing himself exactly back where he had always been. same moldy carpet, same selection of seventies and eighties hits. in here, he didn’t have to think or wonder. he knew everything there was to know already.
he considered voicing that notion aloud, but decided against it. one, because waxing poetic about the late nineties made absolutely no sense in the ghost-body of a twenty two year old. but two, it made him profoundly sad to do so.
instead, august plucked a record sleeve from the bunch and flashed it to his company, grinning.
“rumours, 1977. you can’t tell me the 2000s ever spit out an album to even come close to matching this one. no way.”
breathing in the familiar musty smell of the cathedral was calming, even if he technically didn’t need to breathe. for a moment, being here with august, he could pretend that nothing had even happened to them. they were just two normal friends and bandmates checking out some of their favorite albums, not literal ghosts standing in one of their old haunts.
stepping out of the way to avoid someone walking through him, eddie glanced at the record in august’s hands. “there’s never been an album that could match rumours,” eddie agreed, mirroring august’s grin. his hand skimmed the top of some records in front of him, not quite making contact. “but who knows what sort of stuff is popular now, anyway? maybe we should check out some of the stuff we’ve missed over the years.” he wasn’t sure how. record stores were apparently not super popular anymore, but maybe tito or kerry would have some ideas of where to start.
hey everyone ! first of all, i am SO excited to finally get to write with you all ! i’m a, and i write eddie barrera aka ritenuto ! i’m 23, est, she / her. currently, when i’m not watching way too much tv or reading, i’m in college. thankfully, i’m technically on winter break now. below is eddie’s intro, but his full bio can be found here. his connections page is here, but it’s empty because i want to plot stuff out with people. lastly, here is a list of headcanons that is being regularly updated. all of the ones on his intro can be found there.
stats
full name: eduardo barrera
nickname: eddie
gender & pronouns: cis male, he / him
orientation: bisexual / biromantic
age: twenty-two
occupation: none
status: deceased
history
tw: anxiety, mentions of a panic attack, death
growing up, eddie’s parents had very high expectations for him. he really does believe in his heart that they just wanted what was best for him, but always having to be the perfect son did a number on him. even now, he tries so hard to please others that he forgets to put himself first.
for a.... very long time he was a popular jock ( rip ), except he was the quiet, nice jock who just sits with the douchebags. he played soccer and hated it.
he taught himself to play the piano when he was eight, and it’s his favorite thing, honestly. any time he’s stressed or upset, catch him jamming out on the piano.
eddie’s always known he was an anxious person, but it wasn’t until his first panic attack when he was fifteen that he realized how bad it was. playing the piano definitely helps, but he still has his rough days.
being in the band helped too, of course. joining a rock band wasn’t something his parents loved, but it made eddie happy. he loved his time with the band - it was the best part of his life.
eddie went to ucla on a partial academic scholarship. the rest of the money came from his parents, as well as the part time job he had to help cover his own rent. because his parents paid for things, he really didn’t have many options with what he majored in, so he technically has an econ degree ( y i k e s ).
dying hasn’t been easy on him. he’s coping...somewhat. he’s just really lost right now. i don’t think he knows whether or not he wants to move on, or whether he wants to try to keep the band going. i think he’s really struggling with what to do next in general.
headcanons
eddie has a little sister, isabel aka izzy. they used to get on each other’s last nerves, but he did love her. she was about three years younger than him, and he’s so weirded out by the idea of her now being in her mid 30s. if he ever did decide to go see a member of his family, it would probably be her. but also he’s really unsure as to whether he wants to see any of them, or if that would just hurt too much.
used to be a classical pianist only sort of guy but obviously branched out once he joined killer conclusions. still, i feel like he may not have had quite the impressive musical taste as some of his bandmates. he absolutely loved backstreet boys and britney spears. sorry dali !!! but also he’s a big fan of fleetwood mac.
disaster bi. literally anyone at all flirts with him and he’s like “is this love ?” he had terrible luck with love when he was alive, and i’m not sure it’s much better now that he’s dead, honestly. but who knows. not me.
eddie is third generation. he’s colombian on his mother’s side and mexican on his dad’s, and he’s bilingual. around the house, the barrera’s mostly spoke spanish, unless they had guests over. they made sure that eddie and izzy still felt connected to both colombian and mexican culture.
he was raised catholic, but he stopped going to church after he moved out. he considered himself to be more agnostic at the time of his death, and at this point is like “that’s too much to process on top of everything else, thanks.”
as much as i love classical pianist eddie barrera, a part of me would love for him to learn a second instrument at some point. give him some musical range !!!!
he was such an absolute teacher’s pet in school, oh my god. like he doesn’t mean to be a suck up, but he likes rules and being liked. so he ended up often being the kid that adults trusted.
eddie is a short king. he’s only 5′7′’ but we love that for him.
he’s gone by eddie for as long as he can remember, but i think it would be excellent for someone to call him eduardo at least once.
he sings harmony sometimes and that is it !!! well maybe the occasional duet, but nothing more than little solos here and there. the thought of singing a full song by himself is terrifying.
if he had been able to chose his own major, i think he would have picked music tbh.
eddie can absolutely chicken out of things. he does it often. if he has enough time to talk himself out of doing something, he will - which is why he needs people to push him.
team mom, now and forever. 100% the friend who has to be like “this is the dumbest idea you’ve never had.” definitely the voice of reason. also, once he’s close to you, he can be a bit snarky. like, i think he definitely calls people dumbass very affectionately.
he can come across as distant and almost maybe even a little bit aloof at first ? he’s just not great at letting people in right away, it takes him some time usually. but if you manage to get past that, he’s the sweetest guy. he has such a big heart and he’s absolutely so loyal to his friends. he would do anything for the people he cares about, almost to the point of being self-sacrificing. again, he puts his own needs last, so he would give up anything for his friends in a heartbeat.
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