oceaneater

I sit on a rock

Cannot be touched by struggle and confusion

I reclaim my space inside my structure

Look at this point

All is about nothing, everything comes near

-

This all makes me feel two sides of everything. I myself have thought of ending my own life. Some times I feel like it’d be easier than living. I wouldn’t be afraid of an unexpected end, I’d bring it to myself. Tonight, though, I saw what that brings to people who love you. That is even scarier than ending your own life, I think. I don’t blame this person for ending their own life, but this clarifies to me that I mean more than myself. It may not feel that way quite often, but it’s true. I would crush somebody.

-

I don’t resent this person for his decision, but it’s a terrifying feeling that somebody I grew up with is gone. Years of memories, laughs, and connection just gone. He’s just a memory now. I do not like this. It gives me a terrible, haunting chill down my spine that I can’t shake. A lot of things have happened recently to give me this old familiar feeling. One thing after another it seems. Yet here I am, doing my best to keep moving forward. As hard as I try to do that, I can’t stop looking backwards. It’s difficult, but I never had to deal with it like this kind of tragedy.

-

I hope you are free of your pain, Matt, and I don’t hate you for giving me mine. This pain is from love, and this pain is one that is almost comforting.

I don't mind where you come from

As long as you come to me

I don't like illusions

I can't see them clearly

I don't care; no, I wouldn't dare

To fix the twist in you

You've shown me eventually

What you'll do

I don't mind

I don't care

As long as you're here

Go ahead, tell me you'll leave again

You'll just come back running

Holding your scarred heart in hand

It's all the same

And I'll take you for who you are

If you take me for everything

Do it all over again

I hear you've been telling all your friends

That you're done with me

Like you always knew things wouldn't work out

And I've been hearing things from people

That I don't want to talk to

Like it matters who you're sleeping with now

Can I erase from my mind anything that you said or

Any time that we spent with each other?

I don't want to waste away another cell on a memory

When you're just another meaningless lover

Forget the nights that we spent laughing

Till the morning on your bedroom floor

Without a thought about your roommate

Asleep down the hall

Forget the days we'd waste in bed, tangled

The smoke still on your breath

Undressed and pinning you up to the wall

And I swore I heard you talking when I was tossing in my sleep

You were always trying to walk in circles around me

I was out one night when I saw you

And you froze me where I stood

I would hate you, I would hate you if I could

Forget the nights that we spent laughing

Till the morning on your bedroom floor

Without a thought about your roommate

Asleep down the hall

Forget the days we'd waste in bed, tangled

The smoke still on your breath

Undressed and pinning you up to the wall

I would hate you

But I'm not finished yet

Even you, up on that pedestal

The time will come

When you will deconstruct yourself

And remake what you are

When it does you'll remember me

And the words I spoke

Head in the ceiling fan goes rolling

And missing like bullets slamming into deer skin

Glued my green eyes to your face

I'm blind

Follow footsteps

A bleeding bloodline

Head in the ceiling fan goes rolling

How could I find out the answer in time

I wanted to unlock every puzzle with you

Instead we kept them closed

If the earth didn’t spin

We’d take our place I’d find you again

And bottle up the laughter we let go too free

And keep it next to me

‘Cause I

I thought I had nothing to lose

Running in circles for you