The World Only Spins Forward.

“Kill them with kindness.” Of course. Just make sure you do kill them.

just because someone can articulate their point better doesn’t make them right, it makes them articulated. 

and you aren’t stupid for having trouble articulating yourself.

Voting for Democrats is the "leaving the house, getting some exercise, and drinking more water is good for your mental health" of societal change. Everyone keeps telling you to do it, worst of all your mom keeps telling you to do it, and it's not a magical cure-all, but it actually works and rotting in your room shitposting does not help in either scenario.

Also like mental health, voting doesn't solve the whole problem! But if you aren't doing this bare minimum thing, the other tools you have aren't going to work as well as they should either. If you get medicine and continue rotting in your room shitposting, you will probably still be miserable. If you get a union at work but don't vote for politicians who support unions, the union won't be able to advocate for its members as effectively and work will still be miserable.

My friend is trying to name herself, and she's like, "Oh, what's that name that's like marmalade, but it's a name?" and I know she means Adelaide, but I think I can talk her into naming herself Marmalade if I play my cards right here.

Not in a hateful, cruel way, but because my name is Newt, and I think "Newt & Marmalade" sounds like a detective agency that solves mysteries for tiny garden critters.

"fuck it we ball" is for stress about the future "it is what it is" is for stress about the past and "this too shall pass" is for stress about the present thank you for coming to my TED talk

medieval backstreet boys: you are… my friar

kitchen appliance backstreet boys: you are... my fryer

employer backstreet boys: you are... my hire

ancient greek backstreet boys: you are… my lyre

electrician backstreet boys: you are... my wire

Driving backstreet boys: you are… my tire

appliance backstreet boys: you are... my dryer

[hits side of cd player so that it stops time traveling and gets to the next fucking line dammit]

wizard backstreet boys: the one… descryer

funeral director backstreet boys: bereave, when I say

ghost backstreet boys: I haunt it that way

backstreet boys doing Saul Goodman cosplay: Tell me, White

cowboy backstreet boys: ain't nothing but a cow tame

educational tv backstreet boys: tell me, Nye

Fast food backstreet boys: ain't nothin but a milkshake

boyscout backstreet boys learning their first knots: help me tie

baker backstreet boys getting an order: ain't nothing but a fruitcake

"Humans will always make gods out of the absurd" is killing me rn

Thank you! I was extremely stoned when I wrote that tag.

is that estradiol in the rathole?