“It’s Incredibly Fucking Hot” — Generally, it’s advisable to seek a cooler environment when your face starts melting off. Also: sunscreen.

This post is not to brag, be preachy or overly positive and I really hope it doesn’t come off that way. It is just a list of some of the good things I have come across so far. I hope it will inspire and serve as a reminder to me and all who need it that even on bad days choosing recovery is worth it.  I hope these are helpful.

There will be good days, and they will be more frequent than they had been before. 

There will still be struggles of course, but it will also get easier to recognize and not dismiss small victories, nice feelings, and pleasant events.

As time goes on you’ll have more energy, the energy you didn’t have before, the energy that you can use to live.

For me, this meant I started writing again. It had been probably well over two years since I had sat all day and wrote, completely enthralled. It didn’t happen all at once but the difference was undeniable. You start remembering and enjoying your hobbies and passions again.

You start to feel clearer.

Personally, I had a point in my journey that I couldn’t read anything too long because of my focus and brain fog. I will never forget the day I picked up a new book and dove right in after what felt like forever.

Laughing again. 

I know this sounds weird but I remember one of the things that I realized about 6 weeks into treatment was that I laughed easier. 

Music begins to sound better again, and not just the sad or angry playlists.

I remember driving and hearing a song I had loved at a good time in my life and thinking “why don’t I listen to this kind of thing anymore. I liked how it sounded and how it made me feel and since then I have majorly expanded my Spotify. Now I will admit I still have my angst playlists and still listen to them, but that’s not all I can stand anymore.

Eventually, thinking about the future doesn’t fill you with dread.

I won’t lie it started as indifference then morbid curiosity with me, but now I am finding that I’m starting to want to start my own life.

You learn what’s really important to you. 

This process can be exhausting, annoying and sorta awful at times. But in even the worst moment you’ll learn what is important to you, and what motivates you. For me, it was wanting to make the world better, to tell me stories and to make a family that I know I can trust and who loves me (turns out it may be a partner and a ton of cats). Finding these is empowering and liberating.

Empathy and an amazing sense of understanding. 

When you go through this process it is one of the hardest things you can do, but you come out of it knowing so much more. It allows you to understand yourself, others and the world better. This means you can inspire yourself and others, tell your stories, and spread awareness.

You get to know yourself. 

Okay so at the start and honestly through a lot of my life that sentence would have filled me with dread. But let me explain. Something that surprised me was that this process exposed my motivations, fears, ambitions and the traits that truly make me who I am as a human being. Now not all of it was pretty, and I won’t say all I learned was pleasant. But I also got to know the good. I uncovered that I was kind, funny and loyal and that those traits were as much a part of me as anything else.

LEARNING TO SELF SOOTHE!

Like holy crap, this was actually something I had never been able to do. In general, I would sit in distress until I either hit “I don’t care anymore” or was too exhausted to think. But after lots of practice, and some rough days and nights I actually managed to calm myself down without self-destruction or harmful actions. It was terrifying but one of the most amazing things ever.

You eventually see physical improvements. 

After months or years on “running on empty” I had grown kind of accustomed to permanent dark circles, pale grey hued skin, shedding hair and constant exhaustion (now a couple of those were because of some chronic illnesses going mostly untreated) but I was pretty surprised that I started to feel even a little better. (I’m not saying treat your anxiety and you’ll never feel bad, be in pain or get acne again. But for me removing stress made my bad pain days and ofter debilitating symptoms seem a lot more manageable because I recognized things more.

A higher level of emotional fluency.

I have always struggled with identifying and coping with my emotions, but with my overall mental health on the upswing, I have become better at labeling and accepting my feelings. This isn’t foolproof yet, of course, but it certainly has made it a lot better.

You start to be more comfortable with your needs

 I call this “troubleshooting”. I get a feeling ™ then go through the list until I figure it out or improve it. I still struggle to rest when needed but I am much better than the time in my life when I went to class/work with one of the worst migraines of my life. Meeting at least physical needs becomes like watering a plant, necessary even if it’s not all that enjoyable.

Things seem less daunting, whether it be school, laundry, or taking a shower. 

Now once again I’m excluding my bad pain/flare days. But on days when spoons are sufficient or at least not critically low, I find that maintaining my room, hygiene and meal plan (anorexia recovery necessity) seem much more doable. I am also I lot less hard on myself on rough days when I can’t do the “normal” routine/tasks.

 I know as well as anyone how much this process sucks sometimes. I still have plenty of struggles and bad days, but I thought it was really important for me, and others going through their own journeys. The point of this post is to remind everyone going through this process that there are benefits even when you are a while from finished (like I am). This is still worth it, even as hard as it is. There is so much more to life than struggle, even if you haven’t experienced that yet. I didn’t think I would ever get this far alive, let alone preparing to start my own life. What I guess I am trying to say is, that as much as it is hard to believe recovery is possible and better than it seems, for everyone, even if you’ve spent your life so far convinced it wasn’t. Keep fighting, this is possible and you are not alone. 

Feel free to reblog and add your own positives!

quick self care check in! if you see this post, you have reached a checkpoint. a few friendly reminders that you may want to:

stretch your body and fix your posture!

take your meds or vitamins if you haven’t.

grab a snack or a beverage!

take off your binder for a breather.

change your tampon or pad!

take a moment for yourself or do something light and fun.

alright! that’s all! i’m proud of you, friend. keep scrolling! you’re awesome!

Write a short story, poem or anything that inspires you based on one of these prompts and tag it with #inkstay. Make it clear somewhere in the post that it is written for one of the inkstay February prompts (also mention specifically which prompt you’re writing for) and post it before the 25th if you want your work to appear in the magazine. [currently on hold]

Prompts of the month 

1# - Coughing up bones of bitter memories

2# - Choose your fighter, they will die for you

3# - Another empty answer at 2 AM

4# - Tomorrow is on the wind and yesterday has already drowned

5# - 3 straight days of snow

6# - Empty champagne bottles and endless house plants

7# - 52 pick up and no hearts to spare

8# - “LOVE” written in neon pink

9# - Those shades of yellow aren’t the same

10# - Static noises

Word prompts 

1# - war

2# - gathering, needle

3# - query

4# - willingness, openness

5# - yearning

6# - savage, creed, portal

7# - pottery, mission

8# - incandescent, lower, tail

9# - withering, mellow

Write a short story, poem or anything that inspires you based on one of these prompts and tag it with #inkstay. Make it clear somewhere in the post that it is written for one of the inkstay [March] prompts (also mention specifically which prompt you’re writing for) and post it before the 25th if you want your work to appear in the magazine. [currently on hold] Prompts of the month - Inspired by music

1# - Carry on/Mushroomhead

2# - Bouquet/Glass Hands

3# - I don't wanna/Myster

4# - Limbo/Sal3m

5# - Let You Drown/Divided Minds

6# - I wish things were different/Like Ghosts

7# - Dead Butterflies/Architects

8# - I Can Feel Eternity/Census

9# - Prison/PRBLMS

10# -This Hell/We Are The Flesh

Word prompts

1# - clamor, slammer, hammer

2# - potluck, maze

3# - impotent

4# - swatting, nose

5# - laughter, slinking

6# - development

7# - rearing, juniper

8# - utilize, wisdom, envy

9# - limit

here are some poetry prompts for you guys! 🕊 hope they inspire you <3

don’t forget to check out the guidelines in the middle photo above. do tag me on instagram as well (@unjadedwords + #unjadedprompts) so i can see your works! can’t wait to read your takes on these prompts <33

when I was dying

I think it is really fucked up

to start a sentence like this

everyone complimented me

on slowly turning to ashes

'You look so pretty dear'

they said

and I heard

'try harder'

when someone is suffering

from lung cancer

You don't light them a cigarette

You don't

You do not hand a suicidal person

a loaded gun

unless you want them to die

so why did you?

why did you handed me a gun?

what was I supposed to do with it?

besides pulling the trigger

when you are sixteen

and at some point

we all are

nothing is as easy as dying

without anyone noticing

dying isn't like it is in the movies

a 60 second sequel

with blood and wounds and lots of noise

it is a quiet long-term-process

You do not recognise the dead

The following post might be triggering, altough not intended. This list is a collection of my own tips, tips I found on tumblr and tips my doctors and therapists told me:

Always carry something with actual sugar in it with you. No, not a zero sugar candy but something with glucose. Take it if you feel dizzy/ feel like you are about to pass out.

Eat if you want to drive/ride! Doesn’t matter if you wanna go somewhere by car or by bicycle. You are putting yourself and others at risk! Don’t. Do. It. If you don’t wanna break your fast ask someone else to get you there or take the bus. If you really need to get there by your own you should eat s o m e t h i n g. Maybe your safe food or some fruit.

Don’t trust people that claim to be a coach! Someone who suffers from an eating disorder would never share tips to destroy yourself! Most of them are old man that try to get your nudes. Never ever send them pictures or give them personal information. If you need to vent or you need something just text me and I will listen.

You don’t need to restrict like crazy in order to lose weight. Check out your basal metabolic rate. This is the amount of calories your body burns by simply existing, like laying in bed all day and not moving an inch. You should not eat less than your basal metabolic rate.

If you are a minor, don’t tell anyone. Don’t put your age in your description. There are creepy people out here that are looking out for young girls that way.

I know going to the toilet can be a tough situation when you suffer from an eating disorder. Instead of using laxatives try out natural apple-juice or plum-juice, maybe even some dry fruits. You can also try out flaxseeds (drink water with it!) or maybe you want to take some magnesium.

You should take vitamins/ go to the doctor to check your vitamin levels.

That one is well known, but I want to mention that you shouldn’t brush your teeth after purging. Drink water or milk and wait 30-60 minutes before you brush your teeth. If you struggle with bulimia you should also invest into a good toothpaste and go to the dentist on a regular basis.

Don’t count calories when you binge. You will only make yourself feel bad by doing that. It is not helping you at all. Drink water or tea and lay down. If your tummy hurts you should put a pillow or something like that underneath your legs. This position will help your belly to relax.

there is a strong myth that the word “beautiful” is automatically understood as “something on which attention paid is” despite the fact which kind of attention it can be - a hug, a kiss in the forehead, a kind word, a warm look in the eyes, date or sex, it doesn’t matter at all because these signs of attention can be interpreted as a sign of love. 

if someone pays attention to you, does this mean that this person can love you after all? Whom and what should you be in order to attract people? The easiest answer is to be beautiful

what does it mean to be beautiful in modern times? Beautiful is someone thin, with high cheekbones and bulging clavicles, flat stomach and thigh gap, is someone who wears a small size clothing and whom a lot of compliments are given because of “perfect figure and appearance”. The easiest way to become beautiful is to fit the parameters of society because is a proven method, yes? 

because you imagine that as only as you become thin your mother, who always “advises you to lose some weight as no one is gonna even date you” and humiliates every your step, she begins to praise you, say how strong you are and to and that now you deserve better. your father finally tells you how beautiful you are. the nice boy or cute girl, on whom you have crushed for a long period of time and who haven’t noticed you, starts to spend more time with you and even ask you out someday. The life is finally great, isn’t it? Or not? Or you still feel that something is wrong?

in this way all you can do is to easily create a trap for yourself, for example, a lot of people just can use you and forget about you, you can be in abusive relationship, you can succumb to violence, you can simply get into the trouble… and it’s all just because you still hate every millimeter of your body and soul, even despite your drastically changes in appearance

people won’t start love you because you still don’t start to respect yourself, to see that you’re enough, that you don’t need to change yourself in order to be loved, that you won’t be truly loved until you love yourself. but I know, it’s hard. you just don’t understand how you can be loved just for who you are. 

that’s why there is easier way. all you need is to find an effective diet with thousands of good reviews, instal calorie counter on your phone, play sports to exhaustion,have constant dizziness and always feel cold, have dreams about “forbidden food” and wake up in a cold sweat, compare yourself to every single person and hate yourself even more, binge and starve, cry and be powerless  but in such a way you become beautiful. Beautiful = Accepted = Loved, isn’t it?