obscurelliott

I know I dropped off the face of the earth, probably over a year ago now, and since this blog has a lot of followers and the Elliott Smith fan community in general is pretty tight-knit I thought I’d explain (if anyone even cares anymore).

I, like most of us, listened to Elliott because I was hurting too and felt at home with him. Something pretty terrible happened to me when I was a child (I’m not comfortable elaborating, sorry) and it led me to essentially go through mental hell for 3 and a half years. I was suicidal, I drank way too much, I self harmed, and I listened to Elliott Smith. I felt like he understood. I felt like he was there and he saw me when no one else in the world knew I was falling apart. The good news is I’m still here. Once I started feeling better I stopped listening to Elliott (super abruptly, I still haven’t listened to the Either/Or vinyl I got like two years ago...). I just couldn’t take it. His music brought me back to a time I’d do anything to never relive, so I ran from it. Well lately I’ve been coming back for nostalgia and to better understand my mindset at the time. Listening to his songs has given me an entirely new perspective on how those years were for me. 

I think I’ll leave this blog as-is (although there have been a lot of cool and rare Elliott related goings-on lately, I’m a little salty about it). It would almost be dishonest to continue, because my relationship with Elliott’s music is so different than it was back then. I hope you guys understand (I’m sure you will, you were always the kindest people).

But finally, before I go, I’d like to say something to people who might be where I was a few years ago.

I know how you feel. I know that you’re falling apart. I know that Elliott is the only one who understands. It’s okay to be falling apart, it’s okay to be drinking too much, it’s okay to be doing whatever you’re doing to buy yourself time. I know how hard it is to go through every day thinking of nothing but how you’re going to make it to the next. I know what it’s like to have people tell you “it’ll get better, just wait a few years” when you don’t even want to live to see tomorrow afternoon. The thing is, I promise you this is the worst things will ever be. Elliott would have gotten better had he chosen to stay. Elliott would want more than anything for you to stay. He would want his music to be an escape that keeps you around long enough to not need an escape anymore. I promise you’ll be fine. Maybe not tomorrow, if I’m being honest maybe not even next year, but one of these days you’ll be sitting somewhere beautiful, with someone you love, and you’ll almost start to cry because you’re so happy and it scares you so much that you almost threw it away. I love you. Elliott loves you. Chin up kiddo (bottoms up on some nights), you’ll be okay.

Goodbye everyone. I love you all.

XO

Well Elliott, we've made it through another year without you.

I think I'm doing ok, even though sometimes it gets really hard. I hope that, if you're anywhere, you're doing ok there too. Thanks for sticking around for as long as you did. Thanks for the music, Just thanks for being there, thanks for everything.

I can't believe you're gone.

I miss you, I love you, I hope you're safe, I hope you're happy

ps - I don't know what a sad sack is either, but you're definitely not one