burn my mind.

looking back.. I always wish I could go back. life always goes this way. when you're older you do learn a lot more. I wouldn't call it so much as jaded but things start generally becoming more predictable. and you start getting less and less surprised. i guess I also never thought I'd feel lonelier than I did at twenty-two. but that feeling comes and goes constantly. I've gotten even lonelier than I was at twenty, again at twenty-four, all through now. I guess I might know some more folks. but I don't have many I'm really close to. it's hard to keep people close. I'm really grateful for a lot of new friendships I made along the way. I miss the way I used to express myself on here. it always felt like a place I could write like it were my digital diary, all of my moody emotions, everything I felt down to my core, I used to love recording it here on my "blog." I miss finding music and following bands I liked. it was so normal for everyone to be more active on this platform. not to mention a great place to find artwork to inspire me.. I realized instagram just doesn't have that. I truly miss how isolated I felt on this platform and how cool it would be to follow a popular blogger and see them answer questions :o I say I miss this but maybe I miss my high school self. I really believed in myself so strongly. now the feeling is more..I want to do things. but something feels like it's blocking me. how was it so easy for me to draw every single day... I'm sure it's my shitty day job but still. I thought I was stronger than this. what have I learned over the past six years... the biggest lesson that I've proudly mastered is learning to love spending time by myself. I'm twenty-eight now. it still feels so crazy to say out loud, and I'm half way to my next year. ouuuuuch.