like the sun

my arms are not my arms. my teeth become somebody else's teeth. my feet walk in a stranger's pace. i do not long for your embrace. i'm not myself, you are not you. i'm guessing you do have a clue, why this young heart no longer beats the same. i have been trapped in a loving stranger's game.

my hand rests at the nape of your neck and I say: "sometimes I hate myself." you laugh. I smile, and move my hand towards your hair. I stop. you say: "I hate me too." oh, my angelfaced lover, you don't. if anything, you hate me. I wanted a sip of the rising sun so I enclosed you with my body, trembling and weak after a thousand sleepless nights. I traded your freedom for intimacy, my captive bird, you don't hate, but neither do you love - a love so desperate as mine, my sun. I hold you close so you can scorch my skin and leave a burning mark in the shape of your body. I hate myself because I need you, you claim to hate yourself because you don't know any better - you fool, my childlish lover.