Inventory is full

In other words: Everything, as expected.

To some extent: one day it’s will go to a point that you have ‘right’ to go on internet but no USE it... 

So now the “kids” have welcome to come around to come on a very safe site that banned nipples and gays by a purge so they can safely follow nazis, kkk and others type of white supremacy that will never be ban, within all security and in very welcoming way...

So I just plug the ethernet cable in and ou, reboot the box: still nothing.

As I just said: I have a ethernet cable for the PC... So I try to move the cable in some way like a radio or TV antenna of 1950 ‘cause HEH ! you never know !

... Goddamn it’s actually worked LOL!!

I didn’t sleep at all today: it’s been almost 2 weeks that I stay 24h awake, rest 1 to 3 hours than comat 10hours every three days and do this again...

Till today: I didn’t rest or sleep at all, it’s MORE than 24 hours

No one gave a damn; my brother (which is 90% of my mental break down) being all over the place: doing as he please like he think he’s the emperor himself and bring us into his shit...  

-> He did like he’s all alone and own the place; doesn’t giving a damn that the person (me) who helped him 5 minutes before tried to sleep when she did and still did try again 5 minutes after when you were watching your shits into the NEXT room, sound level the higher your phone could...

I had to get up to ask him to get his headphone and he still being surprised by the fact I could heard it... When I’m SURE even the neighbors could.

-> But having to get up 2 times when Morphee was crushing you while you are insomniac => as much as tired you are you got yourself FULL awake again even as your body and brain are literally crushing on themselves.

I already had my depression burning again to a point I didn’t reached in YEARS: last time it did THIS hard I was cutting myself and jump off the bridge.

... It’s the same now all over again. Except it’s only took 3 months to reach that level... and it’s only the beginning (of the situation we all are in rn)

-> I couldn’t sleep after the second time: I lose 3 hours trying, get angry and even more tired about it and told myself how I could have just keep doing what I was doing before foolishly thought to get at least a hour or 2 of rest.. I got so frustrated about it...

‘Cause it just show how this retarded doesn’t gave a fuck (which I know, but doesn’t mean it’s doesn’t hurt to have it throw in your face)

It’s show how NOBODY gave a damn as it’s not just him doing that kind of shit and EVERYONE KNOW my sleep problems.

They just still did like nothing was wrong: keep speaking to me when I didn’t talk back; when I just wanted to be as alone as I FEEL and  just have PEACE for a minute.

I’m just so tired, and it keep going on and on without a pause... 

-> I got so frustrated that I was crying the whole afternoon, basically didn’t got out of bed... And damn I keep crying even now at 1AM...

-> I didn’t eat of the whole day (I don’t lunch at noon in first place)

My mother was calling me for dinner: I didn’t got out of bed, I didn’t eat. I didn’t wanted too; I didn’t wanted to see any of them, I just wanted to be alone... And I was so disgusted and frustrated that it’s just ‘cut’ the hunger. Like having stone in your stomach.

And my damn brain imagined how to eat in my stat and it’s made me cry even more: how alone and desesperate...

I basically didn’t saw and skeap, except my shit of brother, to any of my parents today...

-> How did they react to this ?

They didn’t. Period.

No one asked. No one reacted. Nothing.

None acknowladge of existence.

The only reaction was my mother coming to “get me up to go eat the dinner”... -> And the reaction? => She got frustrated I didn’t got up. 

She didn’t asked what or why; she just was “Ugh..” and gone. Period.