Thoughts

Wow, 4 years huh, and i see how lazy I got to even bother updating this. Maybe I should leave a message for future me.

Love can be so complicated, yet it's so simple when I'm helping someone else with it.. I still remember thr first day I saw her. Her skin glowed in the sunlight and her eyes were filled with mystery, like they were calling out to me to find out everything about her. The first time I heard her voice, it was like God himself sent angels down to sing for an undeserving mortal like me. The only thing I regret is never being able to tell her how I feel and exactly how beautiful she is to me. Every night the moon is out, I asked it how she was. I never get an answer and I hope she was alright and isn't as lonely as I was. Every moment I talk to her, I can't help but ask myself, would I ever be the one? The one to be let into that precious heart. The one who would accompany her in her worst and finest hours. Do I love her? Yes, and that's what will kill me. The day she leaves is the day my heart freezes over. I am still lost in love, and only in her is where I can find myself.

Being lazy is so borinf, but it makes the bed 1000x more attractive. Dunno what to post about hehe.

On a side note, I recently found Restaurant City up and running once again! It’s fan made, but it makes me happy, I played that game everyday years ago.. 

I’ve learned more on what I want to be, and so far, I think I’ll be taking BS Psychology or maybe Computer Science. I’m hoping I’ll find the best way to focus on what I need to study, though I feel kind of close to finding it. One day, there will be no more distractions. I have to be successful for myself, and when I am, I will be able to make the people I love happy

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't do that. I'm sorry I can't learn this as fast as you think I can. I am trying so hard to make you proud but I fall victim to almosts too. I can fall short on achieving something and that makes me so depressed, because what I do is just not enough. It never is fucking enough. And you wonder why I'm so distant from you guys most of the time.

FINALLY my exams are over! I can do more shits now. So recently we've been playing a lot of billiards.. We suck but it's fun af. Nothing really interesting to log buut I HAVE been rewatching Breaking Bad tho.

This is kinda short, but I’m pulling an all-nighter to help my ‘lil sis. Though she’s not really my sister, but I see her that way though.

I can’t tell her any of this because I wouldn’t want to scare her away. She’s one of my most precious friends. I hate losing those. But there will come a time where I’ve found the right words to say at the right moment.

Now to find things to make my life a ‘lil bit more exciting and possibly easier.

After three days of barely any sleep, I finally have been able to get proper rest. Nothing much to do today.. Maybe I’ll read up on random things or explore Reddit, maybe I’ll learn a thing or two.

--rant over--

I have been thinking of how I interact with people. I think I spend so much time figuring them out and how they work and what they feel, that I’m forgetting that I should be putting out a positive energy around them and look more approachable. Yeah, I’m going to maybe have a difficult time getting out of that weird habit. Starting to have a more “fuck it” attitude would help. Not the “fuck it” attitude where I do stupid af shit, of course I would consider if what I’m about to do is fine and won’t ruin my life lol. Really just stop over analyzing or over thinking about things and just do it. It would have helped me in the past having that kind of mindset. Shout out to JKNews ‘cuz their videos help me think of how I can live a better life.

Lately the dreams I’ve been having are so vivid that I believe they actually happened. Today I woke up thinking I had a big performance coming up and I was completely unprepared.. It took me five minutes to realize it was just a dream and I did not just stupidly schedule a performance where I completely ignored it for weeks.