You've told me your silliest Sloane headcanon, but please tell me what is your saddest?
oooo, my saddest? that's a hard one. lemme think...
(disclaimer that at this point i haven't read pretty much any of her canon material, haven't even fully read through her wookiepedia entry, i'm a fake fan going off vibes and minor tidbits so if i get anything blatantly wrong that's why)
probably my saddest one is just the sheer hell she goes through on the imperialis. i feel like this one is safe enough territory, since i've seen other sloane fans talk about how we get very little info on what exactly *happens* on that ship, but also even if it wasn't it is actually probably my saddest. she's surrounded by fellow imperial survivors, so logically you'd think she'd be safe and at home with them, but oh no--oh no no no, these imperials are cowards and liars and abusers, so much so that she sleeps on the floor in her office (little more than a closet, really, but what else could she reasonably ask for on such an overcrowded ship) because she's afraid that otherwise her command staff will rape her while she's unconscious. they're the dregs of the empire, she tells herself, we will get better people, it'll be worth it in the end, i just have to get through this voyage, this month, this week, this day, this meeting this conversation this minute this second--
fatalism is a poison, that's what they said all throughout the war, and she can feel it seeping the energy from her limbs, the strength from her bones, the life from her blood. she holds together in front of the crew--barely--but she's falling apart at the seams, her body shaking if she doesn't hold it at stiff attention, her vision going blurry if she has nothing to focus on for too long, her breath coming in gasps and sobs if she isn't barking orders. she really shouldn't be crying, she thinks, it's a waste of water, but she can't stop herself. some days--more and more frequent days--she can't even make herself crawl out of her blanket nest, the weight of a fallen empire, of being lost in the unknown regions, of a crew that hates her, far too heavy to stand under.
she'd given everything she had, everything she was, to the empire, and what has she gotten in return?
(she'd given her life to the empire. and now the empire's gone.)
(shouldn't she be gone too?)