NukaiLani

Little Andy, soft in your newborn skin

Do you think it was inevitable for Dex to kill or get Julie killed?

I feel like if someone to FBI!Dex that an ex-special forces guy was obsessively stalking a woman his law enforcement training would immediately connect the dots to that being a situation where the woman was likely to be harmed but he would not be able to connect it to his own situation?

hello. i think it was inevitable that julie was going to get hurt in some way the second dex attached himself to her life, but i don’t necessarily think it was inevitable that he himself would physically kill her. those are two different things. because when people hear “stalking,” they immediately think of the very common real-world pattern of somebody stalking a person because they want power over them romantically or sexually or violently. and while dex absolutely was stalking julie, i think what makes the situation more tragic and complicated is that in his own mind, he genuinely did not interpret what he was doing through that framework at all.

in the cafe where dex says she could perceive that what he was doing was stalking her, he immediately denies it, and i don’t think he was lying in the manipulative way most stalkers lie. i think he genuinely did not emotionally categorize his behavior as stalking because his motivation behind it was so warped and specific to the way his mind works. dex did not latch onto julie because he wanted to dominate her or own her or even necessarily be with her in the traditional sense. he latched onto her because he saw her as “good.” stable. kind. normal. human in a way he felt he fundamentally was not. and because he thinks in such an analytical, rigid, almost equation-like way, he started treating her like the answer to a problem he could solve. if he watched her enough, learned her routines enough, observed her reactions enough, maybe he could somehow understand how to become what she was. like goodness was a code he could crack through observation.

that’s why i think he convinced himself what he was doing was harmless. because in his mind, his intentions were not malicious. he was not following her around fantasizing about hurting her. if anything, he probably thought he was protecting her while also learning from her. and because dex is so used to being profoundly competent at everything he does, i think he believed he could fully control the situation. that’s a huge part of his character in general. he constantly thinks precision and control can overpower reality itself. it’s the exact same mindset he had as a child when he believed that pitching a perfect game would somehow bring his parents back and make them love him again. logically, that makes no sense. emotionally, to dex, it did make sense because his brain works in this very transactional cause-and-effect way where if he performs perfectly enough, maybe reality itself will finally reward him. and we still see that mentality years later in born again, where he seems to think that if he commits enough “good” acts, he can somehow balance out or neutralize the terrible things he has done. he keeps trying to mathematically level morality out, like morality is a scale instead of something emotional and human and messy.

snippet of wilson bethel on the “thirst aid” podcast in 2018

transcript: To me, and maybe there's no way for some people to differentiate this, but for me, there was nothing like sexual. A, there's nothing sexual about it. There's no like sexual power dynamic there. It's not like he wants to, you know, I mean, forgive my language here, but he's not, he's not, there's no, he's not trying to fuck her. Yeah. He's not trying to violate her in some way. So that's part of it. And I actually don't even think it's really on a more basic level, like a power dynamic thing. It's more, I mean, if anything, there's just, it's more about this kind of purity element of it. Which maybe is its own kind of gender dynamic thing. But at least it takes away, I think, some of the kind of the icky creep thing where it's the sex is out of it. And then it's just like he sees in this person, like a model of how to be a good person. Less than it's about him wanting to be with her or being in love with her even. Because I don't really think that's it. I don't think he wants, I don't think he wants to have a relationship with Julie. I think he wants to spend as much time around her as he can because he thinks, in the same way as his therapist, right? The whole deal was that, like, Julie is the kind of like the segue from his therapist. He lost his therapist who was that, who was the person who gave him grounding in the world, who gave him, you know, better insights on how to be. And then when he found Julie, he found a replacement for that. And again, and in the same way that there was no sexual relationship with the therapist, there's nothing, I don't think any of that plays in with Julie. Those terrible instincts tamed within them, you know, this kind of like beauty in the beast. I think the bigger thing is like just, you know, looking for, you know, as they say in the show, like that North Star, right? The person to give him a real sense of like who he wants to be. And I almost feel like the fact that it's a woman is somewhat incidental in both the case of the therapist and Julie. I mean, I feel like, well, because ultimately his North Star becomes Fisk

that disconnect is really important to his character. he is hyper-observant outwardly but almost emotionally blind inwardly. he can read body language, predict reactions, anticipate behavior, notice patterns, understand weak spots, calculate outcomes, but when it comes to his own feelings and impulses, he rationalizes them instead of understanding them. so because he personally did not feel malicious, he convinced himself the situation itself was not malicious. it’s like brain justifyed it by saying he doesn’t want to hurt her, therefore it isn’t dangerous. but intent does not erase impact, and that’s the thing dex fundamentally struggles to understand throughout the show.

and honestly, julie was probably in danger long before fisk even weaponized the situation. dex really was not hiding what he was doing particularly well. his very recognizable green jeep truck was constantly near places she frequented. he knew deeply personal details about her life that she had never told him directly. he knew she used to do ballet. he knew she tore her acl. he knew her routines. he knew where she lived. he knew she didn’t own a dog, which means he either spent enough time watching her apartment to know nobody ever took one out or he had gotten close enough to gather that information another way. and because he was FBI, he also had access to databases and resources that could help him learn more about her. so from an outside perspective, especially from somebody like fisk who weaponizes vulnerabilities, julie immediately becomes an obvious target.

and that’s another thing i think is tragic: even if dex himself never physically hurt julie, his attachment to her made her vulnerable anyway. not because he intended it, but because attaching yourself obsessively to another person always creates risk. especially when you are somebody like dex, whose entire life revolves around violence, federal investigations, dangerous people, instability, and emotional volatility. fisk’s people only needed a very short amount of time tailing dex before they probably realized julie mattered to him. because dex is skilled, but emotionally he is not subtle at all. when he fixates on somebody, his entire world starts orbiting around them.

i also think his fear of abandonment played a huge role in why he stayed distant from her for so long. because what he wanted from julie was not actually a normal relationship. he did not want intimacy in the healthy human sense. he wanted guidance. structure. a “north star,” exactly like dr. mercer taught him. and i think he interpreted her teachings in an incredibly rigid literal way because that’s how his brain processes things. dr. mercer never intended for him to obsessively attach himself to one random woman and study her life like a behavioral manual, but dex took her advice and filtered it through his own black-and-white analytical thinking. so julie became less of a person and more of a symbol to him, proof that goodness existed and maybe something he could imitate.

and because of that, i do not think he would have intentionally murdered her himself. hurting julie would psychologically destroy the role she served in his mind. she represented the possibility that he could become better. if he directly destroyed her, then he would be forced to fully confront what he believes deep down about himself: that he contaminates everything he touches. that there really is something fundamentally wrong with him that cannot be controlled. and you can actually see that terror in episode 5 when he unconsciously throws the knife at the picture frame at her face in the photo after she rejects him. i don’t think he consciously decided to do it. his body reacted before his mind emotionally processed it. and the horror on his face afterwards matters so much because he realizes, for a split second, that the violent impulse underneath him is still there no matter how desperately he tries to structure himself around rules and routines and “goodness.”

that moment is terrifying to him because it proves something he has been afraid of the entire season: that violence is not just something he does, it is something instinctive inside him. and i think that’s why he spirals so hard afterwards. because throughout season 3, dex is not a character happily embracing violence. he is a character terrified of himself. terrified of what he enjoys, terrified of what comes naturally to him, terrified that all his attempts at control and routine and morality are ultimately artificial. julie dying at fisk’s hands basically confirms his worst fear in the cruelest possible way: that even when he tries to hold onto goodness, people around him still get destroyed.

and if you asked dex during the fbi era objectively, detached from himself entirely, whether the woman in that scenario would eventually be harmed somehow, i genuinely think he would immediately say yes. because law enforcement training aside, dex is a person who understands patterns extremely well. his entire life revolves around identifying patterns and anticipating outcomes before they happen. he can look at behavior and usually predict where it leads. if somebody described to him a man obsessively tracking a woman’s routines, memorizing details of her life, following her movements, learning where she lives and where she goes, he would probably instantly understand that the woman is being put into danger. not necessarily because the stalker is planning to physically attack her, but because the act itself is already crossing boundaries and taking away her sense of safety and autonomy. he would know that on a factual level even if he cannot connect with it emotionally.

but dex has always had a disconnect between factual understanding and emotional understanding when it comes to himself specifically. because deep down, even if he convinced himself that his intentions were good, i think part of him probably still knew on some level that what he was doing was wrong. maybe not consciously in a “i am stalking this woman and hurting her” way, but in that quieter way where somebody avoids looking directly at what they’re doing because if they stop and fully acknowledge it, then they have to acknowledge what that says about them too. because if he admits that what he is doing is dangerous, then he has to admit that he is dangerous. and throughout season 3 he spends almost the entire story trying to prove to himself that he isn’t.

Original post by @/Min_tramcam on X/Twitter

hello. i really appreciate questions like this, and you absolutely do not need to apologize or feel embarrassed for asking it. i love to see people are genuinely interested in understanding dex as a character beyond just “oh cool hot assassin guy” because one of the reasons he’s such a compelling character to me is specifically because the show actually gives us insight into his mental health and how it shapes the way he sees the world. he’s not written as just “crazy” or evil for the sake of being evil. there are actual canon psychological struggles there that influence how he thinks, reacts, forms attachments, interprets morality, handles stress, and even how he physically moves through the world. and i think that’s part of what makes him feel so tragic and human even when he’s doing horrific things.

so first i wanna separate what is canon, what is heavily implied canon, and then what falls more into interpretation/headcanon territory because i think it’s important to distinguish those things.

canonically, the things we know for a fact dex struggles with are borderline personality disorder and “psychopathic tendencies,” because those are literally written in dr. mercer’s notes in season three. that is not fan interpretation or theory. that is directly onscreen canon. however, the wording there is important because people often misunderstand what “psychopathic tendencies” means. dr. mercer does not diagnose him with antisocial personality disorder. she specifically says tendencies, meaning traits or symptoms associated with “psychopathy” without fully meeting the criteria for the disorder itself. that distinction matters a lot because a huge part of dex’s character is that he is capable of attachment, emotional dependency, fear of abandonment, emotional dysregulation, and desperately wanting connection. those things do not align cleanly with antisocial personality disorder in the way a lot of people simplify it online.

i think the show intentionally included that wording because they did not want the audience reducing him to “just a psychopath.” because he isn’t. dex is emotionally unstable in an extremely specific way. he is not emotionless. if anything, one of his biggest problems is that his emotions are so intense and poorly regulated that they completely overwhelm him. he experiences attachment in an unhealthy and obsessive way. he experiences rejection as catastrophic. he experiences emotional pain physically. his violence is often tied directly to emotional dysregulation rather than pure lack of conscience.

now realistically speaking, the way dr. mercer diagnosed him is not how it would happen in real life. she meets him as a child, around 11 or 12, and very quickly identifies these patterns. in reality, borderline personality disorder is usually not formally diagnosed until later adolescence or adulthood because personality is still developing in childhood. most mental health professionals are extremely cautious about diagnosing a child with bpd. however, that does not mean the traits cannot already be emerging. especially in a child with severe trauma like dex. childhood abuse, neglect, instability, fear, inconsistent attachment, and emotional isolation are all things strongly associated with the development of borderline personality disorder later in life.

so what i think the show is trying to communicate is not necessarily “this 12 year old fully has adult borderline personality disorder already,” but rather that dr. mercer recognizes he is developing toward that pattern very early because of the trauma he experienced and the way his mind processes it. that makes sense for his character because dex’s childhood was profoundly destabilizing. he was abused, neglected, isolated, and emotionally failed by every adult around him long before dr. mercer entered his life.

and we see manifestations of that constantly throughout the show. his fear of abandonment is probably the clearest example. dr. mercer becomes his emotional anchor very quickly, and when she suggests transferring him to another therapist he completely spirals. he becomes physically aggressive, screams at her, and admits that he wants to kill her for “leaving” him. and that scene is really important because it shows the contradiction at the center of dex’s character: he simultaneously craves attachment and destroys it. he wants connection desperately, but his fear of losing it becomes so overwhelming that it turns violent.

you can also see his black-and-white thinking throughout the series, which is another thing strongly associated with borderline personality disorder. dex constantly categorizes people into rigid moral roles. good person. bad person. savior. betrayer. safe. dangerous. he struggles with nuance emotionally even though intellectually he is extremely intelligent. that’s part of why he becomes so attached to people like julie or fisk. he turns them into symbols. julie becomes “goodness.” fisk becomes “purpose.” he attaches himself to these external structures because internally he has almost no stable sense of self.

one of the saddest parts of dex’s character is that he seems deeply aware that something is “wrong” with him from an incredibly young age. even if he doesn’t fully understand it emotionally, he knows he is different. and i think that would create a really isolating experience psychologically. imagine being a child and constantly being told by adults that you need routines, discipline, medication, therapy, behavioral management, emotional regulation strategies, structure, control. even if those things are meant to help you, there is still an implicit message there that your mind does not function the way other people’s minds do.

and i don’t think that knowledge comforts dex very much. if anything, i think it makes him more alienated from other people because dex is not a very introspective person emotionally. he is analytical, not emotionally articulate. he understands himself through systems and rules rather than feelings. so instead of going “oh this diagnosis explains me and helps me heal,” his brain tends to process it more like “there is fundamentally something defective about me that needs to be controlled.”

and that ties directly into his obsessive need for routines and structure.

because another thing that is not explicitly verbally diagnosed onscreen but is very heavily implied canonically is his ocd. and honestly i would personally argue this is one of the most obvious aspects of his characterization. we see repetitive behaviors from childhood onward. before even meeting dr. mercer, he is repeatedly throwing the baseball at the wall over and over until there is literally damage in the wall. repetitive behavior, fixation, precision, ritualization, compulsive repetition. those traits are present early.

then dr. mercer teaches him coping mechanisms centered around order and control. tidy physical spaces. disciplined vocation. routines. grooming. structure. predictability. and while those things probably did help stabilize him temporarily, i honestly think they also intensified his compulsive tendencies because now order becomes psychologically tied to morality and safety in his mind.

you can see this especially in season three with the way he obsessively adjusts objects to make them “perfect.” aligning objects. maintaining his apartment meticulously. grooming himself extremely carefully. keeping routines. because to dex, control over his environment equals control over himself. if his external world becomes disordered, his internal world starts collapsing too.

and what’s interesting is that we still see traces of this in born again even though his life has completely deteriorated. because these tendencies do not disappear. mental illness is not something that just vanishes because circumstances change. if anything, stress usually intensifies symptoms. and born again dex is probably the mentally unhealthiest version of him we’ve ever seen because by that point he has gone through even more severe trauma while also being completely unmedicated for an extended period of time.

which brings me to the medication notes (and just the doctor mercer notes in general) because those are honestly some of the most important pieces of canon characterization we have for him.

the prop documents from season three explicitly list medications dex was prescribed by dr. mercer. from ages 12 when he first met her to his late teens (around 16) when she died, and through those medications we can infer several canon struggles. he was prescribed zoloft repeatedly at increasing dosages for ptsd symptoms. later lexapro is added for anxiety symptoms. he also receives temporary sleep medication for insomnia.

so canonically, dex absolutely struggles with ptsd, anxiety, depression, and insomnia in addition to the borderline personality disorder and psychopathic tendencies already explicitly mentioned. that is not theory. it is directly supported by the medical notes shown in the series.

and honestly the ptsd part makes perfect sense considering everything we know about his childhood. abuse alone can create severe ptsd symptoms, especially in children whose brains are still developing. hypervigilance, emotional dysregulation, aggression, dissociation, obsessive control, attachment issues, sleep problems, all of those can emerge from chronic childhood trauma. and dex’s trauma was not one isolated event. it was prolonged developmental trauma over years.

and then later in life he experiences additional trauma through the military, through fisk’s manipulation, through having his spine shattered, through institutionalization, imprisonment, repeated betrayal, repeated near-death experiences, physical pain, and complete emotional collapse. so by born again his ptsd would realistically be unbelievably severe.

especially because he is no longer medicated.

and i think people sometimes underestimate how significant that is for his character. dex has seemingly been medicated since childhood. meaning his brain and body have functioned under psychiatric medication for most of his life. he stopped taking his medication after episode six of season three, but that lasted for only about a week. because then suddenly by born again season two he has been fully unmedicated for six months after prison, escape, violence, physical injury, and psychological breakdown. that is an enormous destabilizing factor.

and we actually see signs of this in season three too. after his major breakdown in episode five, there are medications scattered beside him when he wakes up. we see him taking medication while watching julie in 3x03. routines around medication clearly mattered to him. and because of his obsessive tendencies, i honestly think medication probably became psychologically tied to control and stability as well. not because the medication “fixed” him, but because it was part of the system keeping him functional.

without that system, born again dex is basically operating without any of the coping structures that once held him together.

i think that’s why born again dex feels so much more unstable and disconnected emotionally than season three dex. season three dex still had routines. he still had structure. he still had medication. he still believed he could follow rules and become “good.” born again dex has lost almost all of those anchors.

and something else that i think is really important when looking at dex’s mental illnesses is understanding that none of them exist in isolation. they all kind of feed into each other and worsen each other, especially after everything that happened to him from season three onward. the show never treats him like “oh he’s just evil because he’s crazy,” which i really appreciate, because that would make his character way less interesting and honestly way less human. instead, his mental illnesses affect the way he interprets the world, the way he processes emotions, the way he reacts to stress, the way he forms attachments, the way he handles routine and identity and control. they influence him, but they are not the entirety of him. he still makes choices. he still has agency. and that’s what makes him such a compelling character to analyze.

with his borderline personality disorder specifically, one of the biggest things you see with dex is his unstable sense of self and his desperation for external structure. people sometimes reduce bpd down to “fear of abandonment” or emotional instability, but for dex it goes much deeper than that. he genuinely does not know how to regulate himself internally. that’s why dr. mercer became so important to him. she gave him rules. routines. systems. she basically taught him how to manually construct a self and a life because he did not naturally know how to do that on his own. when she tells him to maintain a tidy space, follow discipline, stick to structure, he takes that extremely literally because he needs something external to keep himself together internally. without that structure, he starts spiraling.

and you can see that constantly in season three. his apartment is immaculate. his clothes are clean and pressed. his appearance is extremely controlled. his routines are rigid. he listens to the same recordings over and over again. he repeats behaviors. he practices throws obsessively. all of that is him trying to regulate himself and keep himself from psychologically collapsing. and when fisk starts manipulating him, you can literally watch that structure deteriorate in real time. his apartment gets messier. his grooming gets worse. his stubble grows out unevenly. his sleep schedule falls apart. his emotional regulation gets worse and worse until eventually he completely breaks down.

that meltdown scene in 3x05 is honestly one of the best portrayals of emotional dysregulation i’ve ever seen in a comic book show because he’s not just “angry.” he completely loses control of himself emotionally and physically. he destroys the apartment. he screams. he cries. he hurts himself. he dissociates. and afterward he looks genuinely horrified by what he’s done. that’s important because dex is not someone who fully understands his own emotions even as an adult. he experiences them at extreme intensity, but he often cannot identify them properly or process them in a healthy way. they just overwhelm him.

and then with born again season two, all of this becomes even more complicated because now he has been off medication for months while also experiencing even more trauma. that’s a horrible combination for someone already struggling with severe mental illness. and i honestly don’t think dex even fully realizes how unstable he’s becoming. he probably just feels wrong all the time without understanding why. more impulsive. more irritable. more emotionally detached in some moments and overwhelmingly emotional in others. and because he’s spent most of his life relying on routines, medication, therapy structures, or authority figures to stabilize him, removing all of that at once would completely destabilize his sense of self.

his ocd is also way more complex than just cleanliness or organization. yes, we absolutely see those traits in him, but ocd is fundamentally about obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors that are meant to reduce anxiety or regain a sense of control. and dex’s life is almost entirely built around control. precision. repetition. ritual. that’s why his throwing matters so much psychologically too. it’s not simply a skill. it’s consistency. predictability. certainty. when he throws something, he knows exactly where it will land. the world makes sense to him through precision.

you can see his compulsions in the way he fixes objects repeatedly, lines things up, rehearses movements, maintains routines, monitors himself constantly, and becomes distressed when things feel “off.” and because his ocd overlaps with his trauma and bpd, his compulsions become tied to morality and self-control too. he genuinely believes that if he maintains order correctly enough, he can stop himself from becoming “bad.” that’s part of why dr. mercer’s teachings affected him so deeply. he turned coping mechanisms into rigid psychological laws.

and when those systems fail, he panics. because if the routines and compulsions no longer keep him stable, then what does? that’s why after fisk destroys his life in season three, dex deteriorates so rapidly. his systems stop working. the structure he built his identity around collapses. and then by born again season two, he’s basically operating without any stabilizing framework at all. no therapy. no medication. no institutional structure. no consistent home life. no emotional support system. nothing.

his ptsd is also something that affects literally every aspect of his behavior. and what makes it especially sad is that it started so young. those notes from dr. mercer are honestly incredibly insightful because they show that his trauma symptoms were severe even as a child. recurring symptoms serious enough to repeatedly increase medication dosages means he was struggling constantly. hypervigilance, emotional dysregulation, intrusive thoughts, sleep disturbances, anxiety, irritability, dissociation. all of those things fit with how we see him behave both as a child and adult.

and trauma changes the nervous system long term. someone who grows up in constant abuse and instability does not develop emotionally the same way someone in a safe environment does. dex learned very early that safety was conditional and unstable. that people could hurt him unpredictably. that affection could disappear. that violence could happen suddenly. and because of that, he becomes extremely hyperaware of other people’s behavior and emotional shifts. he notices tiny changes in tone, body language, expression. he’s constantly scanning people because his brain was trained from childhood to anticipate danger.

that also ties into why betrayal affects him so catastrophically. when fisk manipulates him, it destroys him psychologically because fisk took advantage of the exact vulnerabilities dex already had. his need for structure. his need for approval. his need to believe someone understood him. and after that manipulation, it makes complete sense that dex would become even more paranoid and unstable afterward.

something else that i think is really important about season three is that the show goes out of its way to portray dex’s mental state as overwhelming and disorienting instead of just reducing him to “crazy violent guy.” even the sound design reflects that. the buzzing/bee noise we hear throughout all the seasons he is in is not meant to literally mean there are bees in his head or that he constantly hears an actual swarm. it’s symbolic sound design representing emotional overload, dissociation, intrusive thoughts, panic, rage, shame, fear, and impulses all becoming so intense that he can no longer distinguish one feeling from another. dex is someone who fundamentally struggles with emotional identification and regulation. he feels things extremely intensely, but he often cannot properly name or process what those feelings are. so instead of the audience hearing a clean inner monologue explaining his emotions, the show externalizes that psychological chaos through sound. the buzzing becomes this overwhelming pressure in his head and body that he cannot organize into understandable thoughts. it’s almost like his emotions stop feeling like emotions and instead become pure noise and static overtaking him psychologically.

and i think the show actually makes it pretty clear when dex is having literal auditory hallucinations versus when the buzzing is symbolic. there are moments in season three where he genuinely does hear things differently or experiences ringing/distorted sound in a way that reflects actual auditory symptoms, especially during moments of severe stress, trauma, or dissociation. but the bee noise specifically feels much more tied to his internal emotional landscape. and since season three was the last time we were fully placed inside dex’s perspective consistently, we really have not gotten access to that internal sensory experience again in born again. that does not mean those symptoms disappeared. honestly, if anything, they would probably be worse now considering everything he has gone through since then and the fact that he has been off medication for so long. we just are not inside his head anymore the way we were in season three, so the audience no longer experiences those sensory distortions directly through his perspective.

and i think what makes dex such a tragic character in season three specifically is that he is genuinely terrified of the fact that violence gives him emotional release. because for dex, violence is not just violence. it becomes one of the only ways he knows how to externalize feelings that he has spent his entire life suppressing. anger, humiliation, abandonment, fear, loneliness, self-hatred, resentment, he pushes all of it down constantly because he is afraid of what will happen if he loses control. but emotions do not just disappear because you repress them. they build pressure. and the bulletin massacre is basically that pressure finally exploding outward all at once after years and years of suppression.

that scene becomes even more psychologically disturbing when you remember that only a few hours earlier he was suicidal. he was already at one of the lowest emotional points of his entire life. he felt abandoned, humiliated, betrayed, unloved, directionless. then fisk redirects all of that emotional devastation into violence and gives him a target for it. and during the massacre, dex finally releases all the rage and pain and emotional chaos he has been trying to suffocate his entire life. that release feels good to him in the moment because emotional release itself feels good. his body and brain finally stop bottling everything up internally. so of course his mind starts associating violence with relief, release, gratification, and eventually dopamine. and i think that is a much more grounded and psychologically realistic interpretation of his enjoyment of violence than just “he’s evil and likes murder.” it’s not cartoon sadism. it’s emotional catharsis becoming dangerously tied to violent behavior because violence is one of the only outlets he has ever found that actually makes the pressure inside him stop temporarily.

and that’s why he comes home afterward so horrified. because once the adrenaline and emotional release wear off, he realizes he enjoyed expressing himself through violence. and to him, that confirms the exact thing he has feared since childhood: that underneath all the routines and structure and coping mechanisms, there is something fundamentally wrong with him that he cannot fully control. so he immediately scrambles to regain order. he removes the knife from julie’s picture because the sight of it is emotionally overwhelming. he plays dr. mercer’s tapes because he is desperately trying to reconnect himself to the systems and rules that once kept him stable. he starts vacuuming and cleaning because cleaning and order are psychologically grounding rituals for him. the whole sequence is basically dex trying to force himself back into control before he psychologically implodes completely.

and i think born again continues this idea in a different form. because even now, years later, dex still tries to rationalize himself through systems of morality and balance. he still wants to believe there is some way to organize himself into being “good.” but now the violence and emotional release are even more intertwined than before. and because he has spent years expressing emotions through violence, it makes sense that eventually his brain could start conflating killing with emotional relief, dopamine, gratification, or control. not in an exaggerated cliché serial killer way, but in a very grounded psychological way where violence becomes tied to regulation because it temporarily relieves emotional pressure. and that does not make him justified or secretly good. he is still a very dangerous person who hurts and kills people. but what makes his character compelling is that the writing allows you to understand why he functions the way he does instead of flattening him into “insane murderer.” everything about dex psychologically connects back to something deeper emotionally, and i think that complexity is what makes him one of the most fascinating characters in the show.

born again season two not going deeper into his mental state is part of why a lot of people are frustrated. because the groundwork for all of this already exists. season three did such a beautiful job showing how his disorders affected his life without reducing him to them. you understood how his mind worked even when he himself didn’t fully understand it. and because that characterization was so detailed and grounded, you can still infer a lot about what’s happening internally for him now even when born again itself is less explicit about it.

like, even small things about dex make more sense when you understand his mental illnesses and trauma. his need for routine. his fixation on identity. his attachment issues. his black and white thinking. his difficulty processing emotions. his obsessive precision. his emotional outbursts. his rigid morality systems. his need for external validation. his dissociation. his insomnia. his self-destructive tendencies. none of those things exist separately from each other. they all overlap and reinforce one another.

and i think that’s why so many people connect to him as a character. not because his actions are good, they absolutely are not, but because the writing allows you to understand how his brain works. he feels like an actual person with an internal world instead of just “evil assassin guy.” there’s depth there. contradictions. vulnerability. instability. and that’s why i love analyzing him so much because there’s genuinely so much going on psychologically with him all the time.