Noya Blue

I fell off of the Earth and into space. Also, strangely enough, my sinuses have cleared. I can breathe, and I've never felt more free. It feels as if I belong here somehow. I will go and see all that space has to offer.

I don't like it here. I think I'll just leave. My body feels light, and I feel myself fall upwards into the sky.

I feel different. I feel isolated. I feel as if I do not belong.

I decided to walk around today. The air is still thick, and my breathing has not improved. I haven't gone to the hospital yet, either. I simply do not feel like it.

It appears as if my hair has turned bright white. Every now and then it emits an ethereal glow. So many weird things have been happening lately.

A nightmare woke me up in the middle of the night. I don't remember what I saw in the dream, I only remember the fearful feeling that it gave me. I sat up in bed and saw that my window was open. A strong, cold wind hit me in the face, and I got the strangest feeling that something had just entered my room.

The safest space that you'll find while out in public is the bathroom. You can hide in the stall and pretend that the world doesn't exist. Lately, it feels like there is so much more than Earth. So much more than what we see and hear.

I went to the mall and headed to all of my favorite stores. I thought that I was well enough to function properly, but the only thing that I could think about was how restricted my breathing had become. I don't want to go to the hospital, but I should probably go just in case something's wrong.

The train stopped and I proceeded to the door in wobbly fashion. As soon as I stepped out onto the floor of the station I began to feel as if I couldn't breathe. The thickness of the air felt as if it was pouring itself into my lungs. I sat down on a bench and waited for the heavy, uncomfortable feeling to stop. And when it didn't I decided to ignore it and go on about my day.

I'm taking the train because it's cheaper than taking a taxi, ever since I quit my job I've been running low on funds. The train constantly sways from left to right, creating a rhythmic motion that compels me to fall asleep. I thought that going somewhere would make me feel better, but this heavy feeling is persistent.  

I have decided to stop moping around and actually go somewhere today. Staying in didn’t make me feel better so maybe going out will. Decided to take a selfie in the mirror and noticed a white streak towards the end of my hair. It’s very strange, but what’s even stranger is the fact that I’m not concerned.

I stayed up all night and didn’t sleep once, but I’m not feeling tired. I decided to go out onto the balcony and watch people that are walking by. My plants are doing beautifully well. They are growing fast and I am jealous. For me, time seems to have slowed, but time means nothing to these non-sentient pets. They feel no anxiety, no pain, they only grow.

Well the bath didn’t help. I tried to go to sleep afterwards, but my thoughts kept me up. My anxiety keeps sparking my synapses into overdrive, so I’m not going to bother trying to wait for the sandman. I’m going to wrap myself up in my favorite blanket and binge watch some TV, consuming media will hopefully be successful in keeping a thought from occurring.

I thought that going out with a friend would make me feel better, but after being dropped back off at my apartment I feel worse than ever. Things are continuing to feel strange, like the air has been turned into honey and I’m trudging my way through sweet yellow sludge every time I try to do the most basic of things.  Breathing feels heavy and my head feels light. I’ve decided to take a hot bath, maybe that will help my mind.

I know I should get something like lunch meat or a smoothie, but the only thing I want is junk food. It’s my body, I can do what I want, I can eat what I want, I can drink what I want. These snacks are colored like skittles, and I’m pretty sure they work the same way poisonous frogs work. The more vibrant they are, the more dangerous they are.

A friend decided to give me a ride, but they didn’t arrive until the middle of the night. The surreality of being active when everyone else is asleep feels timeless. We cruise almost endlessly until we get to the grocery store.

Purple clothes swallow me in comfortable plum goodness. Birds sing and sun rays illuminate the dust that floats freely around my unkempt space. But not even the familiarity of my own room can ground me. It gets so lonely living on my own. Maybe I’ll text a friend and tell them to come pick me up so I can go on an errand run. I could use some fresh air, as fresh as city air can be.