Green

Later on, I’m talking to her and saying how my lower back is hurting a little bit and she immediately said “That’s the cysts, we’ll get it fixed soon.”

Like just immediately reinforced what I thought but I felt stupid for thinking that because of my dad.

I’m still in college and have a week and a half left (last week of classes, woooooo) and I’m going to the doctor over the summer. There are three main options and my mom said that we will do whichever is best.

She first brought up a supplement but it could mess with my depression medication and it took so long to get that right that neither of us want to mess with it. The second option is birth control but I’m not sexually active and the only time I’ve been on it was to fixed my period and I’m worried that if I get back on it, then it will mess it up again. I already have really bad cramps and if it makes me behave very long periods (I’m talking over a week, two day break, and immediately on it again) then I’ll just be trading the cyst pain for period pain.

The last option I know of is a hysterectomy. Which, honestly, I don’t give a shit about. I have not and will not ever want kids. There is so much shit that runs in my family. I’ve seen what one of my brothers went through. I have felt the pain of my body not being formed correctly and having a lot of mental problems. I don’t even want to chance it with kids, I also just hate kids. I keep making jokes to my friends about putting my ovaries in a wood chipper. However, this will put me into early menopause and that has a lot of bad things, one is possible death.

Like I’m never one to kink shame (unless it’s something that’s literally illegal and/or the other party does not consent to it of course) but some of the posts I see make me really hope the other person would be consenting to it.

This could also be because I’m a criminal justice major and I’ve seen how some (keyword some not all) start off like it’s just a kink and then becomes actually really dangerous and ends up with one party being severely abused or killed.

Just like some of the posts make me think “Do you really think this? Do you really do this?”

And they’ll be completely different extremes. Like the post will be about humiliating someone and one of them is like “call them little girl” or something tame (and honestly not bad in my opinion) but then the next will be like “chain them up outside while you go into a store”

…huh? You want to what? Like that’s past humiliating, that’s so dangerous on so many levels.

Again, I don’t want to judge but I want to remind people that both parties need to consent for it to be okay and the second someone tells you no, uses their safe word, says they feel unsafe, or anything like that, you need to stop. They are allowed to revoke consent at anytime. All of this relies on trusting each other and trusting that if you revoke consent then the other party will stop

And remember, aftercare it’s important. It’ll look different for everyone but it’s important for everyone.

Please be safe. Especially if you’re new to it. If someone doesn’t respect you telling them no or doesn’t stop when you tell them to (including using safe words) then they are not someone you should trust.

For multiple reasons honestly.

First, I hate running. It’s tiring and like if it’s not worth it then I’m dying sweaty and tired? No, not happening.

And I finished the book!!

But I’m here.

I love college but damn I need to stop procrastinating and actually get stuff done, I have three papers due this month, 4-5 pages, 5-7 pages, and 7-10 pages