jelly

Hello everyone!

I’m thinking about deviating from my usual fluff writing even though i haven’t posted anything in a while and diving into writing smut.

The only thing is, is that I don’t know how to do that 😅. Like I don’t know the right wording I should use or how to build up the angst and anticipation. I would like to know how I could be able to execute this well.

So if any of you out there have any advice and/or tips on writing smut please send them my way 🙏🏽🙏🏽

Notes:

I hope you enjoy! By listening to Special by SZA, it will help fit the mood in which I was aiming for with this post. Seeing as how 2 of her songs are referenced in this work lol. This post isn't meant to target any character specifically, more of me getting through my own shit and deciding to make it into a fluff of some sort.

As always, constructive criticism is GREATLY appreciated <3

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It's cold tonight. I felt the air run up my body under the blanket, sending chills all over. My room was pitch black, my only source of light coming from the strings that were lined across my walls. I stared at a pit of nothingness, lost in a trance of my own self-depricating thoughts. Thoughts that were influenced by you. 

 We talked a couple of days ago. It made me happy that you were finally giving me attention again. You're always busy with work, and I understand that, but because of that you blow me off. I try not to let it get to me some days, but other days it hurts. It's like you don't care about spending time with me anymore.

"Sorry I never got back to you baby, I had to finish up with some work", you said to me. That was always your excuse. I was tired of it this time. "You never make time for me anymore. It's always working or going out with your friends. It's like you don't care about me until you need something!" Which, looking back on it, was truer than I had originally thought. I guess I just didn't want to come to terms with it just yet. 

 In the beginning, it felt like a dream with us. You made me feel safe to be in your presence. I was happy at the thought of you being different from other guys. I opened up to you about how badly I had been taken advantage of and used, yet you turned around and did the same thing. I blame myself for being too blinded by your charm to notice your red flags. You made me feel special, and now I hate me because of you. I hate the part of me that fell for you in the first place. 

I can't think of any good times that we've had. They keep getting overshadowed by the arguing and screaming. All of the crying I did that went unnoticed. I regret that I changed myself for you. The worst part is, there is still a part of me that wants to go back to you. Back to the you that was able to sit and talk with me for hours on end. You used to share everything with me. "Nobody gets me, you do", I was told during one of our picnic dates. Where did we go wrong? Did I do something to make you change your ways? Are you using work as an excuse to stop seeing me? 

No, no. I'm getting ahead of myself. I need to shake the mental blame off of myself. If you wanted me, you would have fought to make things right between us. You gave up, not me! I will not allow myself to feel like a loser because you didn't value me enough to keep me.

TW: Nightmares, sleep paralysis, Knife/blade, panic attack

Word Count: 839 *******************************************************************************************

“What did I do to you, Sho?! Tell me what I did to deserve this! You owe me that!” You screamed, banging on the door. He locked you in a room where cameras captured every angle of your breakdown. Every tear you shed, every cry you wailed.

The pounding of your headache made it unable for you to focus on anything else. With your back against the door, you slid onto the floor. Your energy was drained. You don’t know how you got here or what was happening. All eyes were on you. What is your next move going to be?

At a moments notice, you could hear the static from the intercom make its way into your head. Almost as if it were a loud, ringing sensation. "Oh my dear beloved, how could you have so easily forgotten all that you have done to me? All that you have put me through, for the sake of your own well-being." Aizawa questions. His tone, sinister-like, instilled fear unto you. In a dazed state of confusion, you manage to mouth “What did I do?”.

As you lay on the ground, near the state of passing out, you slowly turn your head towards the door as it creaks open. Before you know it, a handful of your hair was in his grasp. As he knelt down next to you, his low, raspy voice spoke into your ear, “My love, how do you manage to be this oblivious to the truth. You continue to forget everything that I have done for you.” Now forcefully gripping your face, he fixed your gaze to where he was the only thing in your line of sight. “You know, from the moment we met, I knew that you were the one for me. We were going to grow old together. Take care of each other. See the world! But I realize now that I was wrong.”

As he drags you to the center of the room, you are left to only plead for your life. Ignoring your cries for salvation, he places you in the wooden chair, chaining your arms to its sides. Watching as you squirm, he announces, “Viewers of the world, people of the broken-hearted, as you see before your very eyes, it is the one and only love of my life. Not only was I consistently lied to, but I was backstabbed by the one person I put all my trust into. The one who promised to love me till death do us part.” He faces away from the cameras and runs his thumb across your cheek. “And my dear, death is upon us” he says with a wicked grin.

An unsettling feeling washed over you once you saw that grin. You knew something bad was about to go down. Thrashing in the chair, you started yelling out, “Wake Up! It’s not real, none of this is real! Please wake up!” Your body jolting in a paralysis-like state. Not a second after, you feel a cold, sharp blade against your throat. Letting out quivers of fear and desperation, Aizawa tightens his grip and whispers into your ear, "You have deceived me for the last time."

You shot up in your bed, gripping your chest. It felt like the world was running out of oxygen. You were scared of the petrifying universe your mind had fabricated. You couldn't move. You couldn't breathe. You were paralyzed with fear.

Out of the corner of your eye, you can see your lover waking up in a disorienting, yet concerned state. "Baby, are you okay? What happened? Was it another bad dream?" he asks as he sits up, rubbing the back of your hands. Still in a state of fear, you manage to face him, tears streaming down your face. You nod at his last question. As he grabs a tissue from the bed stand and wipes your tears, he kisses your forehead, reminding you, “It’s going to be okay my love, I'm right here.”

Reminding yourself that it was only just a dream, you grip your pillow and manage to let out out a whisper. "Thank you." you say. "My love you don't have to thank me. I will always be here to comfort you, no matter how many bad dreams you have, okay?" he says, fixing your hair back into your bonnet. As he kisses your forehead, you can't help but feel the fear begin to disappear. You felt a wave of comfort wash over you.

Seeing as how it was almost 5 in the morning, there was no chance of either of you going back to sleep. So, you did what you normally do when you have a nightmare: watch nature documentaries. Watching baby animals learning the way of the wild was something you found quite intriguing.

With your head laid upon his chest, you felt a sense of tranquility. Shota made you feel safe. He made you feel protected and loved. In turn, you made sure that he felt the same way about you.

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Three Years.

It had been three years since you and Shōta had crossed paths. And yet, you still remember it as if it were yesterday.

You were walking back to your apartment after a long day of work. Lost in the thought of catching up on deadlines, you subconsciously found your way back to your apartment. Drained from being on your feet all day, you drop your belongings at the door and make your way towards the couch for a nap.

As you awoke, you felt your heart drop. You squinted your eyes as they fixated on the door. “Shit shit shit!”you say as you realize you left a crack in the door. A crack that was small enough for Lozi, your kitten, to escape through.

In a panicked hurry, you throw on your house slippers, grab a bag of cat food, and start running outside. “BELOZI! Over here baby girl!” you yell while shaking the bag of cat food. It had taken everything in you not to cry in the moment, but as the sun was setting there was no sign of Lozi to be found. “Please come out Lozi. Please come home. You are the only thing that is keeping me sane right now and I can’t lose you too” you say in a hushed voice as the tears roll down your face.

You dreaded the walk back to your apartment. Nothing had gone your way this week. And now that your cat had gotten loose, you began to think to yourself, “Why can’t I do anything right? I couldn’t even close the goddamn door!” As your tears dried, and you found your way back home, you noticed a man dressed from head to toe in black, sitting on your steps. In his arms you found your beloved Belozi. “Judging by your tear-stained face, and the address on the collar, I’m going to guess that this adorable little kitten belongs to you?” he asks before you can utter a word.

“Yeah, I fell asleep and forgot to close the door when I got home. Where did you find her?” you asked, taking the kitten into your grasp. “Oh you know, just wandering through the neighborhood. But don't worry though, she's feline okay and I hope you are too." he says with a chuckle. You scrunch your face up in a bit of confusion and turn around to look at him as he starts walking away, "Was that supposed to be a cat joke? Cause if so, it was a cat-astrophe." “Ahhh, that was both a cringey and predictable sentence. Luckily for you, your love of cats and your beauty cancel it out." he said with a slight smile.

As he made it to the streetlight at the end of the road, he turned around and shouted, "Until we meet again my furr-end!" "Wait, I never got your name!" you exclaimed with one hand cupped around your mouth.

He took a deep breath and shouted one last time before disappearing around the corner, "Aizawa. Shota Aizawa."

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Again, thank you for reading my first fanfic. Please feel free to send me your thoughts and feelings about it ❤️