NotOkButThriving

Moon's Pov:

An exhaustive sigh escapes Moon as he leans his head onto his left hand. Twirling a straw with the other in boredom. Carmine has kept him here for far longer than he wanted. Not that it was the pastel jester’s fault. He had scheduled a therapy session for Moon. Yet even when he actually showed up and wanted to let Carmine help him with the guilt that's been eating him alive, they were interrupted.

Carmine was dragged away by some stupid meeting that apparently needed someone to monitor. Then Wheatley showed up and kept pestering him about some new fraud with straws. Continuing to call him stupid for taking Killer Sun's deal, as if that makes him stupid enough to make a deal with Wheatley.

Crunching the straw under his grip, leading it to refuse to go back to the original state. He felt like there was someone hammering a nail into his chest. Making it hard to move and function, everything felt like it took ten times the effort it had before. The longer it sat there, the more drained he felt.

He felt this before, and the thought of that time just makes the feeling worse. He couldn't give up, his brother needed him. A groan rattled out of him and he looked towards the front door of the shop, expecting Carmine to come around the corner and ask what was wrong.

‘What a selfish prick. The world doesn't rotate around you.’ Sighing loudly and painfully, he gets up. Clearly understanding he was just being over dramatic. Stretching in hopes to relieve the heavy pressure everywhere.

It didn't.

A ping from his notifications sounded in his head, and for once he started to get a slight bit of hope that it was Carmine letting him know he was on the way. Flipping his panel open on his left arm interface, he scrolled to the messages. With a little red dot lighting up a corner of Carmine's picture, Moon felt excited for only a couple of seconds.

Carmine: Sorry but I'm going to have to ask if we can reschedule our appointment. I can't seem to pull away from this meeting.

And just like that the feeling that was in his chest was back and suffocating him. Crawling up from his chest to sit on his shoulders and throat. His vision blurs and burns as he typed out his response.

Moon: Sure

Moon took a few deep breaths, grasping onto the counter top. What was the point in all this? He couldn't even get help for his issues.

‘Are they really issues, or attention seeking behavior?’ He pants and moans in frustration. “Stupid, Stupid, stupid…” Another ping sounds, and his eyes drift over to it.

Carmine: Great! Please take care Moon <3

Oil dripped onto his arm and he closed the panel. He couldn't go home like this, crying like a child, just because he couldn't get what he wanted. Taking in deep breaths, he could feel his systems strained with stress. After a few nights of fighting to get to sleep, everything was getting taxing.

Sun was quick to call him out about not sleeping till 3am. But what his brother didn't know was that every time he closed his eyes, a twisted version of himself stares back. Ready to remind him of every horrible mistake he made. To remind him that he's the reason for the pain and suffering everyone has to go through.

Inhale. He rubbed his faceplate, stopping the leaking oil. Exhale. A Change of focus will do him so good. Work, yes that will do. He can just push it all down and get to work. It wouldn't be the first nor the last time he will suppress his stupid needy behavior.

There was that new person that still needs to be registered into the system. He forgot their name, or did they even say it? Grumbling he turns and leaves the shop, deciding to do his small routine for some semblance of normalcy.

He had gotten into the habit of slowly exploring before leaving. He wanted to know the layout of the Haven more since the Sanctuary refused to let him roam there. Which is understandable, he is a Moon after all.

Taking a deep breath he looked upon his opinions today, he had taken a few different pathways already, finding the labs, a soccer field, and a library. Yet that was all on the left side, he had a few paths on the right to explore now, and three different options to be exact.

Taking a quick glance down each path, he settled for the one that looked the shortest. He didn't want to waste too much time. Plus this path looked nicer. It was well lit, fake flowers all down the sides, and what looked to be animal drawings children made on the ground with chalk.

Walking down the path, and admiring how realistic the flowers seemed to be. He just had to feel them, because what fabric looks this good? The tips of his fingers lightly brush the pedals of a pretty blue morning glory. He froze astonished, they were real. All these flowers were actually real.

His red orbs scan each flower in amazement, he hadn't expected them to actually get plants growing in this endless night. “Huh…”

Now he couldn't help but wonder, is this really an endless night? It was dark every time he came here, but there were times where he didn't go out. Like when he was getting his patches, so maybe it does get daylight?

He moves over to the lilac and anemone, letting his processors detect the soft scents. He might not have a nose to smell them truly, but his systems relaxed at the softer tones. Sun always had this awful habit of drenching everything in citrus, it drilled into his processors and caused them to get overworked. Giving him the human equivalent to a migraine.

He wouldn't tell his brother though, it was something that seemed to make Sun happy, even if it was a pain for him. Terra was a lot better, she carried the soft sweet smell of freshly baked vanilla cookies. Which surprisingly matched well with the cider wood scent of Monty.

A sequel of child giggling brought him out his thoughts and back to reality. It was followed by a feminine voice sounding exhausted and overwhelmed. Kinda like Sun when naptime was due. His head tilts curious about what's further ahead now.

He walks further down the path, the voices getting clearer. High strung children chattering a million miles a minute, a few older sounding kids trying to keep order, and an unfamiliar female voice trying to get the chaos under control.

The building that contained this loud symphony had a sign out front. ‘Luna Orphanage’. Fitting since this is a Haven for Moons. Peaking inside his eyes tracked about twenty something kids chaotically running about and smacking toys around in fits.

Moon has seen this scene time and time again at the daycare. This was no different. His eyes land on the lone female Moon variant carrying two babies on one hip while trying to wrangle up a particularly temperamental child. Mel?

No, that can't be right. Mel sounded different, at least, from what he could remember of her. Did something happen? He quickly ducks back out of view and shakes his head. Not his monkeys, not his circus.

…

But he couldn't walk away. As much as he wanted to, he also felt really bad if he were to do so. Mel looked wrecked, and there's no telling how long it would be before the little ones settled, or if anyone would come to help her. He groans and plants his face in his hands.

“It's better than paperwork, it's better than paperwork.” He repeated to himself, though honestly he'd rather go home, he peaks back in to see what exactly she had to help sooth the children.

Aroma therapy, going but not effective. Lilac and honey. Dim lighting, fine but didn't make the little ones tired. Oddly, no music. That defeats the mood she was trying to get set for the kids. He scans the room for speakers or even any sort of musical like idem. His eyes land on a lone guitar, sitting to the side collecting dust.

That'll work. He pushed himself forward into the building, expecting to get yelled at immediately, but no such thing occurred. Actually, it seems like no one even paid him any mind. Well, that's highly dangerous. He makes a note to address this issue to Mel, or Carmine later. Walking up to the guitar and plucking it off the stand.

Bright red orbs scanned the room, keeping track of how many kids there were now. Twenty-eight, no wait, thirty-two in total as a few older kids appear from a side room carrying blankets and pillows. A child with bright blue hair darts in front of them, and the whole group comes crashing down in a pile of fluff.

Shaking his head, he sits down on the ground. Tapping his fingers on the wooden casting. Thunk, thunk, thunk. Nicely crafted, and looked almost brand new If not for the dust. With a click the thunks turn into thips under his now extended claws.

Raising a hand, he strums the instrument. A pitifully sad, out of tune sound echoed back at him causing him to scrunch his face in disbelief. Did no one learn how to tune this thing? He sighs disappointed in the Haven's choices to not keep this beautiful instrument tuned and dusted. But then again he isn't any better. When was the last time he used his guitar? Actually where was it?

He goes completely still hearing a giggle right next to him. Slowly turning his head and looking down, there standing not even a few inches from him was… a tiny glowing moon? Like a literal moon shaped creature with a fluffy tail. Has he seen a kid like this before? They look familiar in a way.

“....Hi….” Moon shifts to work on tuning the strings properly. The child doesn't respond, just wobbles over in front of Moon and sits expectantly.

Guess that settles it, he's been noticed and is going to slowly be gathering kids. No backing out, not that he was going to. Moon plucks at the strings focused on each string in pure determination. Successfully getting two strings properly tuned, before glancing up at the child.

They multiplied, where there was one, now there are six. He blinks back the genuine surprise by the suddenly growing population. A chorus of giggles and snickers erupts from them. What was so funny to them? Shaking his head, he goes back to tuning more of the strings.

The background noise starts to hush, only Mel's tried tone mixed with a few whines and grumpy ones remains. Though she didn't seem to notice him yet, or has and just hasn't told him to get out. He was fully expecting her to not be pleased he was here, not many of the council members actually liked him. They made that clear when he first arrived.

It stung, but that's reality. He's the reason the Sanctuary is trying to take his brother from him. He's the reason for his memory loss. The reason for pain and suff-

“Moon?” He jumps, his claws strumming the already tuned strings at the same time. Creating a jarring sound, only for laughter to follow it from the children. His eyes snapped up to Mel who was now at the edge of the group looking surprised and confused.

“....uh… Hi… I uh…” Shit, he sounded like his brother with how nervous he was. Clearing his throat and trying to ignore the now sixty-four different eyes on him. Only focusing on the one red velvet orb watching his every move.

“How did you do that?”

“Wha..?”

“Fix that instrument.” Mel points at the guitar with her free hand. The now one child sitting on her hip mimicked her movements.

A snort bubbles up from him, “It wasn't broken, just needed tuning.” He tests the last two strings, one perfectly in tune, while the other just needs a little more tightening.

“Watch.” He breathes out as he turns the tab, pulling the string more taut. Then with a flick of his pinky, the string sounded so much better. Strumming it till the right notes were produced.

He looks up and gives a dorkish smile. A soft giggle comes from Mel as she gently sets the child down to watch Moon. Much to his relief. In just a matter of moments, she had proved his worries and anxiety wrong. Maybe she was like Rust, or even Moonie. Prickly on the outside, but kind deep down.

He moves his eyes over the young ones, “Have any of you ever heard of Rises the Moon?” A few hands shot up, a very small number, not what he was expecting. The lullaby was popular in his dimension, but it would make sense that it's not a constant. There were quite a few lullabies so maybe they just never came across it.

Giving a soft smile as he plucked the strings mindlessly crafting a tune, “Oh~ I see a few sleepy stars know of it. Hum along if you want. But if you ask me,” He leans forward as if to whisper only to the kids, “Ms. Mel looks to need her naptime as well~”

Instantly the kids let out soft gasps and small whispers trying to get an idea to make Mel take a nap. The older ones were more organized and he could already see them creating a plan together effectively. Though he knew they wouldn't be able to carry it out. Mel shoots him a pointed look, showing she definitely heard that. He chuckles and leans back.

Clearing his hypothetical throat, more for effect as he shifts his voice box pitch to a soft low tone. He didn't have the best singing voice, but that has never stopped him from putting kids to sleep before. It was very odd to him, Sun's singing voice was a lot better, but kids never fell asleep to his singing. Yet they always clocked out at his own awful signing.

As soon as the murmurs settled into a peaceful silence, Moon started the lullaby on the guitar. Letting his fingers dance across the strings in the familiar patterns, his eyes closed as all his focus went into the song.

“Days seem sometimes as if they'll never end,” Sun's smile flashed in his mind, “Sun digs its heels to taunt you, But after sunlit days, one thing stays the same, Rises the moon~” Broken fragments of memories of his brother dance behind his closed eyes. Guilt sank its claws deep into his servos, promising to never let him go.

“Days fade into a watercolor blur

Memories swim and haunt you,” The hurt looks from his brother after each hit he delt to him, “But look into the lake, shimmering like smoke, Rises the moon~” ‘I don't wanna die brother’ the whisper cries out in his mind.

“Oh, close your weary eyes, I promise you that soon the autumn comes to darken fading summer skies~” Waves of water crash onto the shore, matching the sorrow in his core. He has to abandon his life so that another can have a second chance. Maybe the new him would be a better brother than him.

He wasn't.

“Breathe, breathe, breathe~” His eyes flutter open just a crack, assessing his surroundings. Grounding and reminding himself that he was here.

Alive.

The teens were helping Mel soundlessly get the tiny tots wrapped up and laid down. There was no resistance, just growing tired compliance. He could see the ease in Mel's body now, no longer carrying tension and stress.

Closing his eyes again, he sinks back into the memories as the song carries on. “Days pull you down just like a sinking ship. Floating is getting harder~” Sun stares at him in hurt disbelief, then he watches as it hardens into cold hatred. He shouldn't have said that, he just had to have the final say. Why did he have to be so stupid.

So heartless.

“But tread the water, child, and know that meanwhile, Rises the moon~” He stood in the raining woods of his mind. Watching another part of himself fade away to open his emotions.

Has he actually changed?

“Days pull you up just like a daffodil, Uprooted from its garden~” Each taunt and name he called his brother, using the excuse that he is just being brotherly. Everyone else agreed except Sun. It was never an excuse.

He didn't even change.

“They'll tell you what you owe, but know even so, Rises the moon~” His chest felt like it wanted to cave in and rip open with the building guilt. Why can't Sun hit him? Each time Sun got so close to him in pure rage appeared in his mind.

Just end it brother.

“You'll be visited by sleep~” He'd deserve it, he deserves to burn painfully just like Nexus. Endlessly, for every horrible, heartless, useless thing he did.

“I promise you that soon the autumn comes to steal away each dream you keep~” He'd give his life just for Sun's happiness. ‘He never wanted me anyways.’

“Breathe, breathe, breathe~” Carmine's smile flashed in his vision, then TJ’s happy smile, Sprinkles small happy purrs. He nearly stopped playing, curled in on himself and just sobbed. He had others he truly cared for, but he didn't feel like he deserved any of it. He didn't deserve to have a kind and sweetheart son. He didn't deserve to have someone care about how he felt and how his mental state was. Nor did he deserve his sweet baby pet.

He deserves so much worse. To be abandoned, forgotten, hated, and thrown out like the trash he was. He has killed kids, abused his brother, experimented on others, put his family in danger over and over. All because he is a selfish egotistical jerk.

The tune continues on, as eyes slowly open. A red velvet ball of light met them in a wildly too close proximity. His eyes open wide now focused on Mel. What is she doing so clo-

She reached up and gently touched his faceplate, causing him to flinch as if she struck him. Whispering as to not disturb the children from their sinking slumber, “Hey… stay here…” Her thumb swipes away an oily tear that had managed to slip out.

His chest heaved in a silent panic, his fans were drowned out by the tune of the guitar. He hadn't even noticed the pitiful state he put himself in. ‘You're doing this just for attention. You're supposed to be helping Mel. Not putting yourself in the spotlight.’

“Sorry…” He whispers back and looked away, choosing to focus on the children. Yet Mel refused to let him hide away. Pulling him back to face her once again, though he didn't look at her directly yet.

“Moon, you're not alone.”

“I should be.” He looked her dead in the eye. He meant it, he didn't deserve to live.

He could see the struggle in her eye, as if she was trying to find a reason to counter back. The hesitation sank in deep. He was wrong. He shouldn't be here, they all should hate him. Why did they want him to stay? Why did they bother to help him?

“... I'm a lost cause Mel… stop trying to fix what is meant to be forever broken…” Pulling his face away from her hand, he gets his music box set up to switch over. He didn't want to play the guitar anymore. It just made him realize how selfish he was for getting her attention.

“You hate yourself that much?” Her voice stung him. It sounded sad, and full of concern.

“Yes… I'm not a good person Mel.”

“But you're here.”

“That's not the same.”

“You're right, it doesn't match your views of yourself. You're actively rejecting to see the good you do.”

“All I do is cause pain.”

“You just helped me put thirty-two children to sleep. That's not pain.” He froze, the tune ringing its last dying echoes into the wood of the guitar. There was no way he could come up with a rebuttal. She was right, he did just willingly help put these children to sleep.

“I…I won't remember…” It's all he had left to say, and even then it was just as hollow.

“But you will when we fix this.” She gave a hopeful smile. Though that didn't help ease the choking reality of his situation.

“Mel… I'm dieing… there's no fixing this…”

“But Rust-”

“Be honest Mel, the Sanctuary won't help me… and I'm not passing this onto someone else.” At that, she huffs irritated with him. He's used to it. A click sounds in his chest as the music box comes to life. The same lullaby plays softly into the now tense air between them.

“...I'll leave.” He shifted to the side and pushed himself up, but the tight grip of a hand wrapped up in his turtle neck, yanking him back towards her. Nearly making him fall on top of her. His hand catches the wall, using it as a brace to keep him steady.

“Stay.” Silence hung in the air between them. He searched every inch of her face, looking for any indication that she was lieing, or trying to make him the butt end of a joke. But all he saw was pure worry, and maybe a small hint of fear. He knew there was a double meaning from just that one word now. Yet all his mind could ask is why.

He didn't believe he was worth the trouble.

Taking in a deep breath, he settled back down. Putting the guitar off to the side so that he didn't have to carry it. At this point he didn't feel like fighting back. The music was actually making him feel tired as well. A smile flashed on Mel's face before she turned away for a moment and grabbed blankets for them both. Turning back and draping a fluffy soft blanket over his shoulders.

Reaching up, he grabbed one of the corners and rubbed it between his fingers. Finding the seam and trailing along it, feeling each tiny bump of loose string. It mildly reminded him of Terra’s knitting. He wanted to learn, it sounded relaxing. But after forgetting how to cook, he gave up.

What's the point in trying?

“Why…?”

Mel had taken a nice ombre blue plush blanket and covered her legs and hips with it. Leaning against his right side, effectively pinning him right where she wanted him to be. As if without saying, she will know when he tries to flee.

“Why, what?” Her eye peaks up at him, and for a few moments he nearly forgot what to say. How is she able to get him to talk? Is it because she reminded him so much of his sister? And his brother.

“Why do you guys… want me to stay? Didn't… didn't you say you blacklisted me? And that you hated me?” She goes stiff, and for once he was unsure if she realized the impression they made when they first met him.

“...I forgot that… we didn't…” There was no excuse. Because it was true. He sighs and lays his head back on the wall. Choosing to bury the small flicker of hope in the sea of self hatred.

“...Just rest Mel… you look exhausted.”

“So do you…”

He laughs lightly, barely even letting it out. He was, God he was so tired. At this point, he just let sleep smother him. The nightmares can remind him just how much he's unwanted again.

“Sleep well Moon… I'll be here…” He could hardly make up the mumbled words that came from her. Sleep claimed thirty-two children and two animatronics with her sweet lullaby.

—

Carmine's POV:

The pastel jester admired the cute little animal drawings on the pathways. Mel's Orphanage was doing great, and thankfully there hasn't been any new arrivals in a long while. Though that still didn't explain why Rust and Smoker required his assistance. Or even why they were at the orphanage.

Turning the corner, and stepping into the building, everything started to click into place. Rust and Smoker stood awkwardly at the edges of a big sleeping pile of children. In the middle of the pile, with two kids in his lap, one laying on the outside of his left leg, Mel sleeping against his right side with a child on her right sleeping, was Moon 732.

So he didn't go home. Carmine had figured he didn't when the notification didn't come through, but this wasn't what he expected to find.

“How long have they been like this?” He whispers.

“Eh, I don't know, came here because she's late for the meeting at the lab and well…” Smoker waves his hand at the group.

“Da.” Rust just agreed, not really doing anything other than watching in curiosity.

“And what do you want me to do?” Amusement danced in his question.

“I don't know dude…” Smoker finally admits.

Silence followed, the only thing that could be heard was the sound of a music box playing. He wasn't familiar with the tune personally, but it sounded like a lullaby. Actually how long has that been playing? He looks about the room for the musical instrument.

Movement from the corner of his vision catches his attention. Rust gently moves between the sleeping bodies, getting closer to Mel and Moon, before leaning down close to them. Carmine flicked his tail in confusion, did Rust see something wrong with them?

After a few moments Rust stands straight, turns to face him and Smoker, and points at Moon. “He's got a music box in his chest.” He whispers as softly as he could to not wake the group.

Smoker waves him back over, seeming to not like how risky Rust was being around the children, and the two nighttime animatronics. They knew Mel will attack if she senses anything off, Moon was a wild card, but given he was a security bot in his old dimension best not to test him. Rust moves easily back out of the maze of tiny limbs. Back to the safety zone.

“I'll just message Tiny and Wheatley to help out at the lab for a bit, clearly she's uhh… Busy…” Smoker sighs and flips a panel on his arm open. Swiftly typing up the message for Wheatley and Tiny.

Click.

Both heads whip around and stare in disbelief at the barista. “Carmine?” Rust hissed out.

“What? This is adorable.” Carmine hummed. All to please that Mel and Moon were getting along in some sort of way. Taking the time to send the picture to Moon's brother, knowing this would ease Sun's worries for if Moon was getting along with others there.

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