NotMike's Failpit of Failures

ive invented (note: dubious claim) something i call the bear diet which is mostly fruits and vegetables with fish as the main protein source and something like once a month you eat a few hyperprocessed foods of your liking because that is when you, the bear, raid a dumpster in the suburbs

after the hyperprocessed foods, do you take tranquilizers to simulate getting captured by animal control and returned to the wild?

i would settle for melatonin gummies but well. knock yourself out

THEY GOTTA LICK THIS CHICK

This is so much funnier when you know that that's Duela Dent, the Joker's Daughter, dressing up in a genderbent Penguin costume for...reasons.

This story was some inspired lunacy :D

WAIT WHAAAAAAAAT

The thing about the moon is maybe you don’t need to write a poem about the moon. The moon’s been done, we’ve discussed it. It’s a coin a mirror an eye a lantern in the darkness. It’s a rock in space. It’s the dang moon we’ve all seen it! Is there something you can notice that’s is more surprising than the moon???

if you use potholders how will you ever build up the calluses necessary to pick up scalding hot metal without burning yourself so severely? it’s like you’re not even trying to get better

I mean, my mother uses potholders, but she’s in her 70s. You’re just… too YOUNG to be resorting to potholders at your age.

If you start using potholders, your inability to hold hot metal will only get worse.

As a professional cook I was, and still am, able to pick most stuff up out of an oven without a pot holder. I might get blisters and maybe it will hurt, but usually it won’t

this post makes me feel patriotic

BIG STRETCH

let's practice stretchy-stretch with mama

"dni if you engage with irredeemable media! dni to kill a mockingbird stans" ok well CLEARLY you have never read to kill a mockingbird if you think it's irredeemable media and also having a book that was published in 1960 on your dni stan list is kinda ridiculous actually

i literally do not think any of you have ever read a book published before the 2000s before in your entire life

#'Dni if you've read to kill a mockingbird' what's is this the Florida banned books list #Who r u Ron DeSantis

You really buried the lede by only mentioning To Kill a Mockingbird

Undertale?? THE MAGIC SCHOOL BUS???

Garfield comics specifically, the Original frankenstien and Dracula but no mention of any of the remakes, great gatsby, great expectations And phantom of the Opera? Is this person just fatally allergic to reading? Is the written word caustic and melts thier eyes and or flesh?

I like that all the "from memory" ones look like cartoons.

Listen, I completely understand why it was an issue for some people, but I still think that naming the original release of Deltarune “SURVEY_PROGRAM.exe” was really really funny

also when you opened it you had to agree to the end user license agreement, which just said "YOU WILL ACCEPT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS FROM NOW ON." and when people on twitter told him their antivirus was flagging it as a threat, he posted a "fix" that was just a screenshot of the windows defender popup with the "run anyway" button circled

#it's like taking candy from an unmarked white van#and the candy is wrapped in tinfoil and printer paper and the ingredients list just says ''dude trust me''#but you know that guy is a chocolatier and made the best damn truffles you ever tasted so you take the free van candy anyway#and it turns out that it is pretty good candy that this guy was just giving out for free (from yardsards)