funky ball of tits from outer space

I’d like to see an Andrew Lloyd Webber roast special like the ones put on by MTV and ALW would walk out to the stage expecting to see a couple theatre inclined comedians but actually the only person there is Patti Lupone standing at a podium under a single spotlight with a martini in hand and she ruthlessly drags him for an hour on live television.

when something doesnt fit in the fridge so u close the door really quickly so that it wont fall out and later a family member opens the fridge and it falls on them

Ever realize how nothing matters and you can just walk out in the middle of a class and buy a scone

i don’t have a nervous system. i am a nervous system

do you ever read an article so bad that it makes you want to get a PhD so that you can publish a response and thinkshame the author’s opinions with authority

Texting me is like ordering something online because most likely you won’t hear back for 4-5 business days.