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The small Library
Writing for my own state of mind
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styofa doing anything

Origami Around
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda

I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
TVSTRANGERTHINGS

PR's Tumblrdome
almost home
Not today Justin

titsay
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Three Goblin Art
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

oozey mess
art blog(derogatory)

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
sheepfilms
Stranger Things

@theartofmadeline
RMH
seen from Australia
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seen from United States
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seen from Canada

seen from United States
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seen from United States

seen from United Kingdom
seen from Malaysia
seen from Poland
seen from Israel

seen from Japan

seen from United States
seen from Georgia
seen from Poland
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seen from Malaysia

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seen from France
@nothing4everbutmyself
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The small Library
Writing for my own state of mind
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Which post should I start writing after I’m done with ”the other safe-line chapters? I can’t decide..!
“That’s my baby, she’s iconic.”
KIKO
The Korean man is taken
Sleepless nights
Porsche
Tokyo is after us, darling
The other safe-line
Summary: You need to make it as an single mom and since the first time your daughter meet Minho, it was like she fell in love and now she just wants to be with him all the time. So when Minho comes over, you realise that maybe he is something more than just a friend who “helps.”
Friends to lovers
( 8,6k words )
Includes - Comfort/angst, kids being kids, family dinner talks, pregnancy, soft intimacy/reassuring, assuming/uncomfortable questions about the pregnancy and Kyuri, Minho being the sweetest.
| Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 |
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“Y/n dear, how lonely to see you again sweetheart after so long.”
“Yeah, I could say the same, Mrs Lee”
“Oh, it’s eomeoni for you dear.”
Minho, get off stage!
Summary: You’re in the crowd of fans on one of Stray kids concerts when they decide to end the concert earlier because of the warm heat, over 30 degrees and all Minho wants is to get you backstage and be with him.
( 3k words )
Idol x non idol
Includes - Comfort, warmth, overheating, fainting, worry, stress, suggestive intimacy, kissing/sexual intimacy, small smut.
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The concert arena was packed with Stays when you arrived. Stays shouting the lyrics to different song of theirs, the energy was on top and people taking pictures to make the memories last.
“Look! It’s y/n.” One of the stays said.
“Lee knows girlfriend?” Other one could be heard throughout the packed security area.
“Yeah.. gosh, they really match each other.” Answered another with a longing the voice.
“Hey, don’t be all sappy now, maybe you find someone and have a relationship like theirs.”
You smiled at yourself while continuing to make your way to the security.
The other safe-line
Summary: You need to make it as an single mom and since the first time your daughter meet Minho, it was like she fell in love and now she just wants to be with him all the time. So when Minho comes over, you realise that maybe he is something more than just a friend who “helps.”
Friends to lovers
( 4,2k words )
Includes - Comfort, suggestive intimacy/kissing, (Kyuri being sensitive)
| Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 |
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The days to Minho’s mom’s birthday was counting themselves. The spring had welcomed themselves and the sun was currently sipping through the windows in small streaks.
Minho had slept over at your apartment again and you didn’t even question it this time, it was like a habit that was meant to stay whenever you want it or not.
The day of Minho’s mother’s birthday.

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The other safe-line
Summary: You need to make it as an single mom and since the first time your daughter meet Minho, it was like she fell in love and now she just wants to be with him all the time. So when Minho comes over, you realise that maybe he is something more than just a friend who “helps.”
Friends to lovers
( 7,4k words )
Includes - Comfort/hurt, kid crying, suggestive intimacy.
| Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 |
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The tension was still stuck in the air like clouds holding onto the rain before it lets go.
You and Minho still didn’t talk about the moments you shared together that may look too intimate for someone who doesn’t know you two. It’s only you and Minho who knows what it really means, what two “friends” aren’t supposed to do.
But people who don’t know you, can’t really throw opinions like that, can they?
You always thought about Minho like that sweet, caring and comfortable person. The one person you could always go to when you needed to clear your head. And whenever he was with Kyuri it exploded like it mattered more than it could.
Minho was amazing by that point, taking care of everyone and everything while he was still present to you. More than you thought he would be, considering his busy schedules.
Period stains
Summary: You’re on your on period and Minho becomes your personal caregiver that involves a moment of intimacy which leaves you more flustered than normal.
Established relationship
( 2,5k words )
Includes - Comfort, period talks, mentions of bleeding through, small pregnancy mention at the end, suggestive intimacy, fluff.
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The clock struck 12 pm when your body decided it was time to get up. The second you stood, it felt like a waterfall of blood cutting through your lower body.
You had tried everything, pain killers, heating blanket, sitting on the toilet just bleeding out that felt like forever.
The other safe-line
Summary: You need to make it as an single mom and since the first time your daughter meet Minho, it was like she fell in love and now she just wants to be with him all the time. So when Minho comes over, you realise that maybe he is something more than just a friend who “helps.”
Friends to lovers
( 6,3k words )
Includes - Comfort, soft talks, suggestive intimacy, short mentions of birth, (kids being kids).
| Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 |
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The moment you saw the line, it was like everybody else already knew and you were the only one who was unaware. It was like a nightmare but still hopeful.
Cats and cuddles
Summary: Mornings were you wake up molded against Minho is the best. All soft and glow, the three cats also want to join in on the cuddles.
Established relationship
( 1,3k words )
Includes - Fluff, cuddles, kisses.
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The sun filtered through the curtains painting the room warm and golden. Content breathings turning the air softer and softer with each minute passing.
You wake up pressed against Minho.
매춘부
(매춘부 - Korean meaning of whore)
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You never thought about yourself like that.
Slumped, restless, being the need of others satisfaction.
Pressed close to someone you don’t know.
It’s a weird word for making love to someone else.
Sex.
Not love, not affection, not questions being asked if you’re doing okay. Nothing like that and it still lingers in the back of the head like it was always meant to be there.
Just harsh words and bodies colliding.
Nothing that we choose ourselves.
A thing so erotic.
So stuck in the woman mind.
Like a second chance if life didn’t work out.
It isn’t the women who does the “thing” or is it just that we don’t stand a chance against a man in need?
Where’s the slow feeling of being kissed in it?
Where’s the feeling of being a man and a woman instead of a penis and a vagina?
It isn’t there.
And it never has.
At least in that business, where relationships get thrown away like they’re trash. Woman doesn’t have a say about their bodies or mind.
You never thought Minho saw you in that way. Like you were doing your second chance in life.
You knew that Minho didn’t see you like that, because that wasn’t the kind of relationship you had.
But sometimes it feels good to imagine.
Imagine something that isn’t there.
Nights where both of you were tired but still in the need of each other.
Isn’t that how it always is?
You didn’t look each other in the eyes, you just existed and plead.
You have never felt so humiliated to stand naked in front of man you knew was nothing more than just a man deep down.
After all he is also just a man?
You molded into him, skin pressed on skin.
The noise echoed through the air, like it was your fault he was tired.
You didn’t use your mouths for kissing.
It was just fast satisfaction and nothing after.
The moans spilling out from your body too fast to stop them.
Your moans was unrealistic and his focus on working his way up was too fake.
Nothing about this is real.
If you hadn’t had a “normal” relationship before this, it would have been all too natural.
Something that you could relate to.
Women to women.
The naked skin of you.
The naked skin of him.
It was everything that the world could ask for.
Because naked skin on naked skin, breaths mixing in the air with sounds so loud it felt horrible, not having the strength to recognise yourself anymore.
That is all it ever would be to us.
The second chance that makes everything about men having their hands wrapped around woman’s bodies like we never got to exist.
Certainly
it’s disgusting
pointless
to sell yourself
for anyone else’s desire
sloshing around there and hurting yourself.
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What if?
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If you had been unreasonable
you and Minho
could have had a proper talk
you could have shouted all this at him
listed up all his flaws and allowed yourself to go crazy
but how could you know
what anger feels like?
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Him
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The therapist claimed that you often get treated badly
She didn’t see your part in it all, that you are simply closed off, haunted, searching for what will finally open you up
That’s not how you want to be
You never wanted to hurt Minho
just crawl in under him.
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Gucci heels for you
Summary: You decide to try out the new heels Minho bought for you, while also marriage life takes the best out of you.
Idol x non idol
( 4,5k words )
Includes - Kissing, mild fingering, mild sexual contact, comfort, verbal affection, unprotected sex.
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”Jagi, what are you doing?” Minho called out from the kitchen where he was busy making dinner for the two of you.
“Just looking for some clothes to wear for tomorrow’s work dinner, love.” you kind of shouted back to him, tugging on the side of you and Minhos shared wardrobe.
You were going to a nice and quite expensive restaurant for the work dinner. Nothing that you and your best work college wasn’t prepared for.
You had already planned out an outfit for the tomorrow night. A silky flowy black dress that Minho always said fitted you the best, just so he could get a view of your perfect bum in it.
The black blazer that went well with any clothes of yours on top of the dress just to add a small touche to the outfit.
Your ordinary jewellery. Earrings, small necklace and some fine rings.
Especially the one ring that Minho bought for you the night he got promoted as Guccis ambassador to celebrate his amazing hard work and the rest of the members.
Where you didn’t have a clue about his plans of proposing to you the day after. Your eyes flicked down to the engagement ring on your left hand a quick second before you were just about to close the wardrobe when you see a gucci box scattered among the rest of them, a rectangular one that easily fits a pair of shoes. Your mind catches on before your body does.
A brand new red Gucci box.
Death doesn’t wait
Summary: Everything comes crashing down when you need to go on one of your beloved’s funeral.
Friendship/situation ship
( 2k words )
Includes - Explosive language, angst, hurt, verbal sadness, anger, denial, grief, mentions of death, suicide.
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Death is a weird thing, a feeling that can last forever but still feel so far away. It starts with sadness, denial, anger that turns into something more hollow, lonely.
Death isn’t something we can take away but we can learn how to live with it.
Grief is the same, starts with sadness and follows in lopes whenever you go. But maybe death is just something that happens, it happens to all of us. But the grief can hold for months, years but it doesn’t disappear, it just stays in the quiet.
To you.
To me.
To your loved ones.
To the people you claim to hate.
To the people who have done you wrong in life.
It happens and we can’t run away from that.
We just need to find a way to live through it. Live through the pain, the anger, the sadness that consumes you for a while when you lose someone or something close to you. it doesn’t just go away like a knife to a blade.
It lingers.
———
The funeral of your mom was a blur of daze and tears. You didn’t really know what you did, only that you were there with Minho.
A steady presence beside you, grounding you when it felt like you were falling apart. Minho didn’t even question it when you asked him to follow, it was a matter of course for him to make you feel safe, better maybe if it only were for a couple of hours.
Minho was amazing in that way, putting away his needs to make yours easier.
“You don’t owe anyone an answer.” He softly said when you two step into the church, his hand wrapped around your waist.
You didn’t need anything more than him beside you, someone who told you were allowed to be quiet, that you don’t every time need to give someone an answer or an explanation to fall apart.
Minho was dressed in black, a black suit and a coat on top of it you had seen him wear multiple times before but today it mattered more than words could say. The image of him burning in your head.
You were dressed the same. A black dress that you had just put on for the formality not because you wanted to.
Your steps were hollow all the way up to the church, people sniffing, mouthing ”I’m sorry for your loss” over and over again until it was the only words you could hear.
When you gathered yours seats, Minhos hand was still holding yours, his fingers tracing slow circles on your knuckles, occasionally gripping your knee to make sure you were still breathing.
You were but only when he touched you. You didn’t dare to look around in the room, to stare into the souls of people who told you she was in a good place, that she chose to do it herself and that you shouldn’t blame yourself.
But how could you not when you were the one who found her?
Her lifeless body slumped on the floor like it didn’t matter anymore. Her eyes staring off into the distance, her small mouth turned up just enough to suggest the idea of a smile.
The small white pills that was laying beside her like it was the easiest choose she ever made.
It wasn’t meant for you to see her like that, head empty and body still fragile.
When the priest started talking about how tragic it was, you wanted to scream, to scream that it wasn’t right, that it was all a lie, a joke.
To tell everybody to leave and to just go and go and never come back. You felt the tears running down your cheeks hot and fresh, your body swelling up with the emotions.
Minho slowly wrapped an arm around your body and pulled you into his side, slowly running his fingers up and down your shoulder.
Gently rocking you side to side.
“We’re gather here all today to say our final goodbyes and prayers to y/n’s mom.” The priest started, with a sincere voice, so soft and gentle it felt fake.
The words didn’t get to your head, it just stopped at a safe distance, you didn’t take it in, just simply sat against Minho and stared into the dark grey wall in front of you, the fine chandeliers hanging from the ceilings and the sun dashing through the big windows.
“She was an amazing person, both as a friend, a mother figure but the tragic decision she made lays heavy in our hearts.” The word was a blur but you still catch the most meaningful words.
The soft hums of people could be heard, some people cried and some didn’t, when the priest kept talking and talking, people were gathering their roses to put on the coffin at the altar. You couldn’t do it anymore, you couldn’t hold in the nauseous feeling you wanted so badly to get out.
You felt yourself slowly letting go, the tears falling faster and faster on your cheeks until you couldn’t hold it back.
“Mom” you whispered shakily against Minho’s chest, squeezing your eyes shut to let the tears slip through. Your fingers were playing with the hem of his suit, something to brace yourself against.
“Mom..-” it was the only word you could make out.
Minho’s arm tightened around you, his hand pressed tight to your waist to prevent you from slipping away. You sensed how he shifted slightly, feeling his steady breath against your ear.
“Keep your focus on me, sweetheart.” He softly whispered in your ear, knowing exactly how to handle your emotions.
You clutched at his arm tighter at his words, slowly lifting your head to look at him, the compassion in his eyes that never seemed to end. “They’re not important, okay.. because they never knew her like you did.”
You felt yourself let go in that moment, like it was okay to cry, to scream, to anything that you wanted. It wasn’t the people around you:s place, sitting so neatly in their seats to say anything about your mother.
You sunk down into his embrace again, your face buried in his chest, letting yourself be allowed to break down, to fall apart. To break against him.
“No!…no!…no!” You chant against Minhos chest, hands coming up to grab at his suit. Holding onto him like you would disappear. Your body slowly shook with the tears falling.
“It’s wasn’t..” you start, choking out. “She didn’t!..l..-“ you cut yourself off, slowly lifting your head from his chest, still gripping his suit so hard your knuckles went white. Seeing the stares of people around you.
“She didn’t.. commit suicide!” You screamed out, needing the words to be seen, to be felt.
Needing everybody to know she didn’t choose it herself and that it maybe was just actually an accident. You knew she committed, you just didn’t quite believe it.
“Minho!.. they’re lying!” You worked out, looking up at Minho to see him completely composed, his face still soft in the light, his hands still wrapped around your shaky body.
“Sweetheart” he gently began, sensing the pain in your eyes, the denial you carried on.
You felt yourself slipping out from his grasp and your seat, slowly making your way to the long aisle, eyes swelling over the people and the priest standing at the end with your mother’s coffin on display.
You pressed yourself through the small aisle of the seats, your body moving faster than your mind. You slightly stumbled your way across the people on the row where you and Minho were seated. People tucking them selves together to make sure you get past to the main aisle.
You were shaking when you got on the floor, the hard marble floor cold under your feet. You slowly glanced at your seat to see Minho slowly rising from his, moving easily through the people.
“She’s.. she’s not-” you whispered out, your breath short and hollow, you felt yourself slowly sinking to the floor.
Your knees giving out, hands shaky with grief. A slight stumble and a muffled cough could be heard throughout the silence walls.
You know that it was Minho who had already stepped out and was tracing silently behind you, composed as ever, never wanting to rush you or accidentally make it worse.
He was just watching you and ready to catch you when you needed it the most. The muttering of people could be heard through the silent walls and already thick air.
You slowly pushed yourself back up, steps fast and wobbly towards the altar, but you still made your way over the priest, feeling his intense gaze on your face.
“She’s not dead!” You shouted out, tears clogging your throat.
There is something poetic about death. The way it haunts, pursues and eventually takes you.
And no matter how far you run, no matter what you achieve in life, death will always be there.
That is the inescapable promise that life gives.
They say that when you are close to it, time doesn’t slow down. It speeds up, with every memory, every decision and every regret.
It flashes before your eyes in sharp fragmented pieces. That is the haunting reality, of realising that this could be the end.
How people change in desperation, in the final moments of life.
To the point of being almost raw.
Unrecognisable.
You heard whispers around the room and then two firm but careful hands gripping your arms to pull you away from punching the priest.
Minho had been quick to reach you and had a hold of your waist and arms, slowly pulling you away to stop making the scene worse and leading you down the aisle, towards the exit.
“Let go!” Your voice teary, filled with hurt when you fighted your way out from Minhos grip. Your hands coming up to his chest, slowly hitting him with the strength you had, grabbing his suit to try to pull him away from you and back to the coffin.
“Minho! Let me see!” You cried out, still having your fist against his chest, but in a slow motion feeling the strength fading away and you give in to his hold. Letting him hold you tight and walk you down the long aisle to the exit.
“You’re just lying, you don’t even care!” You said, voice still tight when you shouted over his shoulder, your mind hazy with the emptiness.
“You don’t even know her!”
Minhos arms wrapped around your whole body while your fingers gripped onto his suit jacket, tugging him closer despite the anger you felt both towards the people in there but also to him because he pulled away from someone important who was not in your life anymore.
“You don’t know..” You softly whispered out, more to him than to the people still inside. He gently pushed the door open and lead you out to stand outside beside the entrance of the church.
He softly grabbed your shoulder, his other hand coming up behind your head to carefully place you against the brick wall of the church sides. The wall both cold and warm because of the sun bashing over it and the clouds fighting their way to cover.
Minho gently stood in front of you, to shield you with his body from the passing people who were walking out from the funeral in confusion to see what happened to you.
The sound of the church doors opening and closing echoing through the stillness. The flood of people who came walking out, people passing without saying anything, just eyes wandering over to where you and Minho stood.
The quiet breeze of people on the street not knowing what was going on inside your head was dangerously close. The way Minho just calmly grabbed a hold of you without hesitation or humiliation and lead you out, lingered in your mind.
He just pulled you into his chest, his arms going around your waist, warm and firm. Securing you when people started gathering into your space and asking questions.
You felt yourself melt into his embrace, your forehead falling to his shoulder, your fingers softly clutching at the fabric of the his suit around his waist. Praying that the people would just vanish so you could just disappear into him.
“Not now, please.” You only heard his voice, sharp, polite but powerful. Monitoring for the people to go, stating that it wasn’t the best time to ask what happened to you or why it happened.
The flood of the people crowd started to fade away, just some single people still walking out from the church, but right now Minhos arms and voice was the only thing you could focus on.
“I..” you tried to say, you didn’t even know what you were trying to make out or what you wanted to say to him. Your voice broken, hoarse, everything just felt wrong.
You slowly loosened your hold on his suit, your eyes coming up to his face, his soft eyes looking down at you like you were the only thing in the world that mattered to him.
Your hands coming up between your bodies to wipe away the reamaning tears that was still fresh on your face. Minho sensed the way your eyes carefully swept over his, searching for anything that might make it less painful.
He hands dropped from your frame and gently tugged at his clothes. Slowly taking off his coat, the fabric slipping past his shoulders easy. He carefully reached out to you and you leaned forward to make him wrap it around your shoulders, the thick rich fabric swallowing your frame.
The whole coat smelled like him, home.
The soft scent of his cologne and the faint fresh smell of your tears making the atmosphere lighter than it really was.
You were still standing close, your bodies breathing the same air, the cold brick wall making som of the tension in your body to go away. He gently opened his arms again and you didn’t hesitate to fall back against his warmth.
His fingers clutching his own coat at your lower back. You slowly rested your arms between you, fingers gracing the fabric that was sitting perfectly around his chest-area.
“You don’t have to say anything.” He whispered, your hand was still on his chest, feeling the solid texture, stopping briefly over the subtle muscles there.
You felt yourself making your hand gently to a fist, while you softly tried hitting against it again. You didn’t even hit him you just graced his chest with your fingers. His suit soft under your skin, tears clinging to your lashes while you slowly let yourself float away against him.
You let your head fall against his shoulder like before, nuzzling your face into his suit. Pressing your forehead against his neck, nose gently gracing his pulse point.
Slowly inhaling his scent with each breath. You felt yourself sobbing again, tears coming down to damp his neck, silently sniffing into his shoulder while he let your tears soak his suit.
You don’t know how long you stood there, wrapped up in his coat, softly crying into his shoulder, his arms wrapped around your fragile body.
His head slowly rested against the side of your head, one hand wrapped around your whole body while other one was slowly running through your hair to soothe the worst out.
Softly rocking side to side like he did when you were still inside.
“You’re okay..,she’s okay.” He softly whispered, pressing a kiss to your temple.
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If anyone has been through it, I’m deeply sorry and if this post in any way affects that, please tell me to delete this post.
♥️
I love you, jagi
Summary: You once, once mention a bag you liked and didn’t think further on it. But Minho being the observer he is, immediately caught up on it and for him it was a clarity.
Established relationship
( 2k words )
Includes - Mild kissing, cuddling, spoiling you, comfort, verbal/physical affection, butt touching, just fluff.
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You.
Summary: You both agreed that it was over. He shattered quietly while you were drowning some days. You see Minho on a random Saturday in your city and think: Maybe we ended it too soon?
Lovers to strangers - To lovers again
( 3,8k words )
Includes - Explicit language, angst, mild hurt/comfort, suggestive intimacy.
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The moment you stated the words,
“Minho, we’re destroying each other.”
It was like the word stopped to only watch you two break. There was no end to the silence between you and Minho.
For days you could feel like a ghost because he was gone others you felt like the luckiest woman on earth.
And the moment you noticed that you both were drifting away it shattered. You noticed how Minho some time only spoke when needed. Slow, distance greetings that shaped into formal conversations between two people.
So when the words left your mouth, you ripped opened, you wanted him to yell back, to say you’re wrong, to say you’re sick in the head.
But he didn’t. He just slowly distanced himself, but he was just as messed up as you were. He wanted to fight, say something, make you stay but he didn’t know which words were safe.
When you parted, you thought Minho would be fine, but oh how wrong can a person be?
He suffered in the silence, isolated himself. Only spoke when spoken to, didn’t talk back, didn’t throw out comments like he used to. Went to practice like his whole word hadn’t just crumbled beneath his feet.
You knew the silence wouldn’t last forever, it would become something light but it felt like hell somedays when you spotted him on the streets.
Because you’re two people who ended on bad terms just like anyone else. People meet people, even if they don’t want it.
You continued doing what you had been doing, feeling like you were drowning without him. Everyday after he left it was silence, lost, like you couldn’t breathe but you didn’t want to try to save yourself either. Minho had been like life, always there but could also be taken away any moment.
At the end you grew accustomed to it, the way the silence grew smaller, the way some of his clothes were still in your apartment lying around like memories forcing to stay.
You didn’t touch them, it felt to much like gratitude. Hope, that maybe one day he comes back.
Every time you went out something reminded you of him. A cafe, a cat, plants, the sun bashing in your face on an early morning. They way people talked about normal day to day things, couples arguing in the middle of Seoul’s small and busy streets.
You missed him and you couldn’t deny it.
Minho was the same. Distracting himself with work, mostly dance practice. It was the only way he knew how to suffer even more when he needed.
Dancing until every inch of him burned. His clothes clinging to his body like you never left. Some days he didn’t leave his bed, didn’t eat just wandered through the apartment like a ghost until Han noticed and decided to take matters into his own hands.
“Hyung” Han softy said, not wanting to push Minho to break.
Minho just threw a glance towards him, not really meeting his eyes.
“You’re destroying yourself.” Han said, slowly making his way towards Minho, settling beside him on the bed.
“Don’t say that word.” Minho sharply said, his eyes glassy with unsheathed tears.
“I hate it.” He said, his eyes wandering over the room to where one of your hoodies still lays draped over his desk chair.
“Minho, you need to get out from your head and actually breathe.” Han softly said, pulling Minho up with him while dragging him into the hallway.
“She was right.” Minho then mumbled, reaching for his shoes and tugging them on.
Han saw the way Minho made himself small, not daring to take place anymore without anyone’s consent.
“No.” Han said fast. “You didn’t destroy each other, you both didn’t know how to ask for help. You were hurting, desperate to keep the relationship alive.” He said softy grabbing Minhos sleeve to make him understand that people care for him.
“She was the one who cared the most for you, Minho.”
———
You felt yourself slipping back into routine, not the easy one with Minho but a tolerable one.
You went to work, went out with friends and didn’t go home and cry your eyes out while whispering Minhos name over and over again until his name burned on your tongue.
Your roommate who had helped you through the worst nights, holding you while you were explaining how lovable Minho was, how tired you both were in the end.
One night you were lying in your bed, feeling how the sheets were clinging to your body when you came over a photo of Minho you took.
That night you were at the beach, the day when you had got your period and Minho said that the ocean breeze helped with the cramps. You sensed the tears rolling down your face before you actually felt them.
You felt yourself ask.
Maybe I didn’t ask enough questions.
Like how much ice Minho wanted in his cold coke? Too many so that the chilled liquid slides down his throat and reminds him of the taste of your name, or just for the sake of names to avoid the fever of your presence?
How you never asked what his favourite cookie was or what he dreamed of that night?
That you never asked him what he’d liked best and never got the chance to that with him for a while.
You didn’t ask how he can always take care of everyone else without getting hurt or tired of feeling to never be given something in return?
You never even asked which of your flaws he valued peeling the most or which one gave him the most peace?
You never asked him enough questions because you didn’t think that you would drift apart so quickly.
And so he never answered with a complete meaning because he didn’t know either that it would kill him softly later on.
Your roommate had asked you to buy some sikhye for her because she was hungover and you couldn’t really say no when she got like that.
You walked inside the grocery store, smelling the fresh air, the food clinging to the walls. It was the store you and Minho had always been stopping by whenever you needed something new to eat.
You were paying, the small movement felt to big because you hadn’t been out much after your and Minho broke.
You walked towards the exit and stepped into the busy streets of Seoul. Your steps were shallow, slow, dragged like you didn’t really want to go home yet.
That’s when you saw them, first Han because he is unable to not see. The bright, happy energy that everybody loves, then a small, sleek figure beside him.
Minho.
Your heart skipped a beat as you froze. It’s like the silence you both been waiting for, wanting but not daring to break it came crashing in.
Minho looked the same, same polite smile, his eyes scanning the room before you felt him.
You didn’t even realise that Han had seen you before he stood right in front of you. His smile slightly relaxed when he saw you, Minho was silently trailing behind Han.
“Y/n, hi.” Han said softly, his eyes scanning your face.
You didn’t know what to say, it was like the first time you had seen them.
You see Minho slowly shifting his weight beside Han, his carefully sweeping over your presence.
“Hi, what are you doing here?” You said, the only words you could make out.
Han slowly pushed you forward to make you walk and soon you falled in steps beside Minho, his warmth lingering in the air with Hans on your other side.
“I needed Minho to get out.” Han said casually, not sensing how it affected both you and Minho.
Minhos side brushed yours as you slowly walked down the streets, you slowly glanced to him.
The way his hair grew a little longer, falling down to reach his eyes, sunglasses places perfectly on his nose, securing his eyes so you don’t have a chance to look him in the eyes and see the emotions behold them. His solid body fragile beside yours.
“What are you doing out here?” Han asked, you hear how Minho softly breathed out, his warm breath fanning over your face into the air.
“Just grabbing some sikhye..for my roommate because she is.. a little bit hungover.” You softly said, not knowing why you hesitated to tell them that she was hungover and needed sikhye.
Maybe because Minho used to bring you sikhye when you were hungover?
“That’s thoughtful, I knew you always wanted everyone’s best.” Han said but you could see the way his eyes drifted up to Minho.
You suddenly felt a firm hand on your waist. Pulling you slowly to his side, because of the crowd people coming your way. Squeezing their way through the small streets.
You glance to your side and see Minhos hand your waist, keeping you tucked to him when people starts passing and squirming when walking past.
You slowly turn your head to look back at Han who has a small hopeful smile on his face. Minho keeps his hand your waist even when the path clears up and it only the three of you left.
You feel his fingers grace your shirt, twisting the fabric, his warm hand a steady pressure to the tension all of you are feeling.
Han slowly had drifted away from you and Minhos presence, he was walking a bit ahead of you when he slowly turned to you while glancing Minhos way.
“Hyung, why don’t stay outside for a couple more minutes, you need it besides I really need to work on our recordings and can’t work knowing my best friend is suffering.” Han quickly said, his eyes wandering over to you,
“It’s was nice seeing you again, y/n.” He said before turning to open the door to their apartment, disappearing into the warmth of the safe.
You didn’t really know how you got to their apartment or how you were suddenly standing beside Minho again.
Minhos hand dropped from your waist, stepping back briefly before looking in the distance where Han wandered off and into their apartment.
“You too.” You softly said, not really knowing how the words came out from your mouth.
You sensed of Minho slightly stiffed when Han left, like his safe place had died and he didn’t know how to make a new one.
“Why?” Minho suddenly said, turning his body towards you.
“What?” You made out, not really knowing what he was asking for.
“Why did you just follow when Han came up and pushed you to walk with us?” He said, his voice low and steady. Like he didn’t want you to go but he didn’t either want you around.
“I.. felt like I hadn’t a choice and Han looked so happy seeing me again and” you softly whispered, the wind blowing in your face.
“I couldn’t.. just take that away from him by walking away.”
Minho slowly shifted at that, his eyes drifting over to their apartment like it was the only thing keeping him safe.
“You should have.” Minho replied, his voice suddenly sharp and moving.
You felt yourself slowly taking him in, his slightly baggy clothes clinging to his body, his sunglasses still perched on his nose like he had tried his hardest to disappear.
“Minho” you carefully said, your voice trailed off to something fragile.
“Just- please listen..I know i don’t deserve your forgiveness or the way you’re standing in front of me after a year of silence.” You said, your voice burned, tight and low like you needed him to understand. Like you needed him to stop being so hard on himself.
He slowly reached up and took his sunglasses off, his fingers slightly shaking with the action and placing them on the hem of his shirt collar, the sun catching on them and lighting his face softly. The glass of the sunglasses reflecting into your vision.
Still beautiful.
“It was you who said it, I was just there.” He slowly said, his eyes blinking those rapidly blinks he does when he was nervous or didn’t really understand something. You melted every single time he did them.
“..I didn’t mean for us to end like that.” You whispered, voice cracking, your throat in your mouth.
“I never wanted you to feel like we needed a break to function.”
Minho didn’t say anything, just looked at you like he didn’t understand why you were suddenly here, taking your heart out and why he was letting you.
Now was the time he really looked at you, he looked into your eyes and his face softened but still with a careful distance.
“I.. I’m sorry.” You said, not really knowing why you were saying sorry now.
“I shouldn’t have said that we were destroying each other.” You mumbled softly, not meeting his eyes.
You could see how he shifted his weight, his hand coming up to run through his hair.
“I hate the word.” He finally said, looking at you, his eyes small but filled with emotion.
You could see the urge he had to reach for you, his brown eyes sweeping over you.
“Why?” You whispered like the word didn’t fit in your head.
“Because you were right, we did destroy each other.” He murmured, his fingers slowly gracing the fabric of his pants, something to hold on to.
He shakes his head, eyes narrowing. “I didn’t fight the way I should and you didn’t.. care anymore.” He softly whispered, his voice thick on the last words.
His jaw clenched, he stepped back and moved to the railing that was behind him, the ocean looking as calm as ever.
You saw the way his body moved, screaming inside, fragile, his hands slowly moved to grip on the cold metal, his knuckles turning white with the grip he had.
“It was chaos when we broke.” He continued, “I couldn’t sleep, I was just laying in my bed all day, went to practice like nothing happened.” He trailed off, his breath slowly ragged, taught with tears he tried to hold back.
“It wasn’t entirely your fault.” You spoke, your own voice filled with as much rawness as his.
You slowly stepped forward, placing yourself beside him but still a distance between you. You saw how the wind slowly blew in his face, the way his hair caught and moved with the wind.
“I shouldn’t have pushed you away like that, I made you feel invisible..and I thought you needed space.” You rambled out, feeling the breeze fanning in your face. The tears that burned in your throat.
“Space?” He asked, he slowly shifted his weight, you saw how he turned his head towards you, his voice low and moving.
“You thought I needed… space?” He whispered again.
“What was I supposed to think, Minho!” You couldn’t hold back anymore, your voice suddenly raised with emotion, your throat burned with the words you held back.
The tears you were holding falling to your face before you could wipe them away.
“You- we never communicated at the end, we just lived with the silence, small hi’s that turned into broken pieces but nothing more.” You sniffled but your voice still high, sharp.
“We.. needed the break, both of us.” You whispered, your own fingers closing around the metal, feeling the cold sipping through the your skin.
His fingers flexed as you spoke, the deliberate fine lines disappearing with the cold, you slowly reached and traced the end of his pinky finger, surprised when he didn’t flinch away.
“I didn’t know what to think or do when I saw you before.” He said, his voice calm but a hint of sadness lingering beneath.
“Didn’t know.. if I wanted to pull you back in or keep you away.” He whispered, his eyes still looking for yours, feeling stare of him burning.
“I understand if you didn’t want to see me.” You said, your fingers still tracing his finger, you glanced up and saw his face, his eyes focused on your hand, his eyes hollow and cracked.
You didn’t say anything, you didn’t want to ruin the moment when he was talking about how it affected him just because you were selfish. You knew he suffered to.
“Han thought I went insane, it was why he brought me out today.” Minho gently said, his fingers slowly moving and gracing yours.
“He said that you were the only one who cared for me the most.” He whispered, his voice cracking, low and silent.
You slowly interlocked your pinky with his, carefully.
You saw the shift in the emotion for him, he slowly moved his head to find your eyes, the ocean breeze still heavy in the wind.
“I still care, Minho.” You said, searching his eyes for something, a plead, a warning.
Minho slowly moved his hand, carefully taking your hand and and gently holding it, fingers gracing.
“I didn’t stop caring for you even we weren’t together.” You spoke, the cold catching in your throat.
You slowly moved and stepped closer to him, close enough to feel his shaky breath, his warmth.
“It’s okay to say you’re hurting.” You softly whispered, seeing how he cracked open at that moment.
“I have never let anyone see right through me, but you were the one I felt safe doing that with.” He mumbled. Minho has always been put together, his walls never cracked down but once they are shattered, he needs someone to help him pick up the pieces.
“I.. just needed you to say that we’re okay, and that we weren’t…destroying ourselves.” You could see the way the braced himself when he said destroy, like he really hated it more than he intended.
“We were okay until we both decided to finally say it out loud.” You softly whispered, seeing how his breath hitched when you spoke.
You feel him gently gripping your hand a little tighter, like he trying to hold himself together.
You turn your body towards him, seeing his eyes glowing in the breeze, the unsheathed tears forming.
Minho never cry, he isn’t the type to or at least that’s what he states.
His first sob was gentle, muffled by himself trying to cover it up. His shoulders sag a little, his breath hitching as he looks at you.
You don’t hesitate to pull him into you, reaching out and gripping his shirt to tug him towards you. His body is rigid in your arms but still solid.
“We haven’t met for a year and you see me like this, touch me like this.” He mutters against your shoulder, hands slowly gripping the back of your shirt. “You shouldn’t.”
“It doesn’t matter.. I still care about you a year later.” You whisper back, feeling how he clutched you, his arms secured around your waist like before when he gripped you when the crowd of people came.
You feel his breath fanning on your neck, his breathing slowing down. You feel him put his weight on you, trying to hide away from the emotions. slowly running your fingers through his hair, thinking maybe you didn’t let go too soon.
Maybe you let go in the right moment.
“You never have to pretend to be strong with me, Minho.” You softly said, your arms still around him. The heat raiding off him making its way to you.
“I never stopped loving you.” He gently said, his breath slowly turning back to its normal rhythm. For a long time, the only sound is his breathing, trembling but steady.
The streets of Seoul are calm, to calm.
People walking past, cars humming in the distance, children not knowing anything about how cruel life can be when you love someone.
“I tried.” He said, you could feel his shaky breath against your neck, small wet patches starting to form on your shirt.
“Like really tried to get over you and…stop feeling like I died everyday when I remember you weren’t in the apartment anymore.”
“You’re okay, Minho, you’re okay.” You softly whispered, needing to state the word out loud that it was allowed for him to fall apart too and he didn’t need to feel embarrassed or empty.
”If we’re really careful with each other this time..” you voice small but clear.
“Do you think we can.. try again?” You said while running your fingers through his hair, feeling his sweat slowly dampening it because of how bottled up he was.
You felt yourself risk the chance when you gently graced your lips against his temple, just skin on skin.
“Only if we don’t destroy each other.” Minho mumbled against your skin, the word didn’t sting as much as it did the first time.
You keep standing outside their apartment, your arms wrapped around each other.
Carefully gripping him, not giving him a reason to pull away. You feel how Minho slowly lifts his head from your shoulder, his eyes teary and red rimmed.
He swipes at his face with the back of his hand, taking away the evidence of his emotional self. His arms still around your waist.
“You should go back home before it gets too dark.” He mutters not really convincing anyone about his words, his voice tight and hoarse.
You slowly shake your head, “I still have stuff at your place.” You gently said, your fingers coming up to cup his cheek, slowly swiping away the tears from his face with your thumb.
“I never threw them out.” He replied, pulling you against him again, his chin resting on top of your hair, his slightly shaky hand coming up to touch your hair.
“You didn’t?” You asked, your eyes wandering over his shoulder to the ocean behind you.
“They felt too familiar.” He softly said, wrapping you into him, slowly rocking side to side, you gently leaned into his touch, looking out over the ocean with the breeze slowly starting to dry your tears.
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Wedding for a friend
Summary: When a friend of yours invites you to their wedding, you need someone to go with you and you know exactly which person to ask.
Childhood friends to lovers.
Includes -, Slow-burn, suggestive intimacy, comfort, alcohol mention, suggestive kissing.
( 4,5k words )
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You hear Lee knows car pull up on your parking lot, the soft hum of the engine echos through the early morning.
“You need someone, you can’t go alone.” She gently speaks into the phone, encouraging you to have someone with you for her wedding.