So you want to know how to date and, honestly, I want to tell you. I am here to tell you. It isn't so hard. It is just massively overthought.
The honest truth is that dating is a skill. It is like anything else in this world. Practice it. Apply it. Develop it. Repeat.
Granted, some people are natural daters. We all know those people who never say anything stupid, always look classy and elegant and regardless of how much they drink never end up vomiting on themselves. The bastards.
Ok, that is fair, there will always be those people that are good at new things. You are one of those people too, it is just that dating might not be your skill. Yours is probably something way more important like hitting a strike in bowling or rapping to Kendrick Lamar flawlessly.
So I am not a natural dater. I had to learn it. But that is the thing. You CAN learn it. Just like going to the gym or learning a new language, you are going to make mistakes, fuckloads of mistakes in fact, you will absolutely say or do something stupid that you will cringe about for the rest of your life but you know what? You only need to make that mistake once. Then move on.
So I have a few words of advice, honed from many years as a dater. I loved dating then I hated dating and then I loved it again. Ask anyone who is good at anything, you don't love it all the time.
Let me tell you though, I am a bloody excellent dater. Absolutely bloody excellent. I got really fucking good at it. I don't even care if I sound arrogant. I am woman. I date. Or dated. It lead to its inevitable outcome and now I am planning a wedding. This is much harder than dating. But forget that for now.
Of course, at the beginning, each date I went on was full of promise, this one is going to be THE one. It was going to change my life. I was destined to be the loving partner of (insert name) who is a successful (insert job title) from (insert country) and so on. I could talk myself into a dream life in a Siberian gulag if my date was interesting enough.
Inevitably, by the end of the night one of us wasn't into it. We might add each other on Facebook or send a polite “it was great to meet you” text (I mean we're not animals after all) but more often than not it would fizzle out. But we have to get past thinking of this as a problem. I once spent the evening with a guy who told me about farming. Like a lot about farming. It was absolutely not my thing, I couldn't wait to get home and line up my next date but he loved it and you know, I did add him on Facebook and he now has a girlfriend who fucking loves farming too. Yeehaa for them! Just because it doesn't work doesn't mean anything other than that. It didn't work. Two incorrectly aligned joints. Roll the cog on and try again.
Of course, most of my dates didn't work out. I was still learning. Some lead to second or third or fourth dates. Some to several months of dating. But you have to know that if this doesn't lead to wedding rings and a mortgage then it isn't a sign of failure. This is what should happen. You should date a lot. Discover yourself, discover what you want.
This bit is important: You need to learnt to separate WHAT you want from WHO you want. So you went out with that guy who was so cute, had some amazing stories about backpacking in Thailand, drove a great car and looked longingly into your eyes as he convinced you back to his house? Ok so he was kind of rude to the waiter and didn't laugh at any of your jokes but who cares, he was so cute. Fuck that guy. He was a dick. He should have laughed at your jokes, you're hilarious. But you like that he had travelled a bit? Awesome. Take that. Ditch the idiot.
Also, don't go back to that guy's house. Not because he might be a creep and not because other people will judge you (who cares if they do) but because you might judge yourself later down the line. And because you are human, you will find yourself dragging your closest friend past his house every other day just hoping to bump into him. Best not to know. Say good night, go home. Chances for a second date skyrocket after that and you wanted to check out that new sushi bar on King Street anyway, right?
That is it for now...but there is more to come next week. If you can't wait that long then get started, get out or get online, set up a date and get practising.
titsay
germansingergirl
jacobvanloon
dailybridgerton
dededos
