I am who I am, no amount of medication or self help is going to change that. I’ve been in this same shitty position my whole life, just barely holding on. Meds helped ya sure, but its only temporary. I CAN’T EVEN AFFORD IT ANYMORE. I can’t afford to live right now, i have no money for rent or food or gas. All I have time for is dwelling on how shitty my life has gotten. At this point I think I’ve genuinely given up all hope. I can never have a normal relationship for something i had no control over bc i was to young, now I’m all grown up and fucked for life so thanks for ruining my only shot at happiness. What more to life is there honestly, I’m not gonna get up everyday to go to work to come home just so i can have money for meds and to live. There has to be more to life than just friends love and money. It doesn’t have to be money but more or less stability which in turn means a job which means money. This world is full of people who want nothing more than to be successful which is fine, but at the end of the day your going to die and it was all for what? To say you lived a FULL life, filled with pointless things that cost money, or you did this or you did that. I’M HAPPY FOR YOU THAT YOU GOT TO GO AND DO WHAT YOU WANTED WITH YOUR LIFE. I AM. But some of us are stuck at the bottom with nothing to hold onto bc all we ever got handed was shit. Theres no coming out of how far down i’ve come and thats okay bc I’m more at peace with myself then i ever have been. This isn’t goodbye, its just my way of saying I don’t care anymore. 

Why do I always fall for people at the wrong time