everyday of my life is like saw 2004

I’m not ashamed to be seen trying I’m not ashamed to be seen trying I’m not ashamed to be seen trying I’m not ashamed to be seen trying I’m not ashamed to be seen trying I’m not ashamed to be seen trying!!!

they should invent a disproportionate emotional response that goes away when you understand it's disproportionate. they should invent a way to logic yourself out of emotions

some kids came on the train and saw someone they knew hopping on yhe train at the next station. one of them goes "yo is that gay sam??" and im like ughhh. okay is that what we're doing. and then sam comes over and theyre like GAY SAM WHATS UPP and gay sam is like NOT MUCH IM GOODDD IM FRIED RIGHT NOWW and they were like classic sam. so. thats on me for assuming honestly

hi my name is crumbs and can i PLEASEEE hang out in your bed

people make jokes about how people who weren’t allowed to watch spongebob as a kid are always talking about how they weren’t allowed to watch spongebob but as one of the aforementioned people who wasn’t allowed to watch spongebob my insight on the matter is: you would not BELIEVE the amount of times spongebob comes up in normal adult conversations. i don’t often think about him of my own accord but people reference him and i have to say. what? and they say. it’s from spongebob?? and i say. oh i never watched spongebob. and they say why? and i say. i wasn’t allowed to. and then a few weeks later it happens again

they’re burning me onto a CD tomorrow

yesterday i had a nice southern teenager call me "ma'am" and then look at me and go, in a well-meaning tone, "uhhhh, if you go by ma'am. sorry if not." and i had to be like yeah man ma'am is fine. appreciate you being inclusive though. i could almost see the little warning pop up in his UI-- hold up! people with blue hair often have pronouns. are you sure you want to address this individual with a gendered term?

Your misbehaving boyfriend is not funny to me

so hard to beat the gay allegations when you’re gay

shell of a person is such an apt description like yeah i feel exactly like that rn

you need daddy to complete you

daddy needs to be euthanized

And for the blonde man, perhaps some torture?

Grace is one of the most classic things to fall from

That and the monkey barrrsssss

you are my coworker and to some extent my victim

I really love when cats use their front legs to hold something in place while they use their back legs to kick the absolute shit out of it