Trying but likely failing

Kryoz who used to be a professional figure skater and Smii7y who aspires to become an ice hockey player

Now before you say like "oh thats like ice breaker" (was that the title, I forgot kejfksns) i had this idea before i ever read ice breaker or even know about it when i was watching a figure skater injury compilation so i promise I didn't intend to steal or copy anything swear

Basically, kryoz, very famous, very skilled figure skater, loves ice loves winter loves art in any form and loves to perform, who is told numerous times that he'll achieve great things one day, training until the exhaustion keeps him from getting up, losing track of time and neglecting self care daily, losing the Healthy weight he once had to the point of collapse, to the point his ribs protrude, to the point others have to keep him from destroying himself and his body in the process of becoming perfect

But to him, it's fine, he's literally fine, because fine is capable of continuing, of pushing, and he's nothing if he's not pushing. He's stubborn and isolated himself in this mindset of becoming perfect

He trains until he can dream of every millisecond of every move he knows. The ice becomes his home more than his room, he becomes more familiar with the sport than himself or anyone else. Because skating is his everything.

His parents encourage it, allow him to do whatever the fuck he wants, because what parents wouldn't want some fame? Anyone would be blind not to see their son's massive talent for it, so why not exploit it? As long as hes alive and can keep pushing, there's no cause for concern

This goes on for years, conditioned into his brain since young, and it sticks. Axels, spins, loops, you name it and he can do it, or he'll keep trying until he can

It's exhilarating, the adrenaline and the dopamine, it's what keeps him alive, his heart beating, his face smiling. It's his entire life

He wins tournament after tournament to the point losing is a myth and everyone adores him

Until he fucks up

The backflip is a banned move, especially in the Olympics, as it is considered highly dangerous, because one slip can be lethal. Not many attempt it, unless they've got the experience

Unfortunately for kryoz, he does have the experience

And he does succeed at it. He's pretty good, too. Sure, it was a bit scary to try it for the first time, but he's kryoz, if he can't do it, then all these years were a waste. So he does it and succeeds. He lands safely on his feet and continues. He trains it more and more until he's sure that he's perfected that as well

He creates a choreography unique to him, uses his own music because why not, sees his own suit because why not. Styles and dyes his own hair. Makes his nails match his fit. If it's him, everything has to be unique, unseen of, unheard of, special to him only. People have to look at him and think that's he's one in a million. They need to look at his creations and think, thats kryoz

Does that give him a giant ego? Fuck yeah it does. But really, can you blame him? Hes great

So, when at a competition another competitor also uses the backflip in her show, of course he feels... Weird. Not many do the backflip, and it won't be special anymore if two people do it on the same round. He's gotta spice his own up a little if he wants to stand out

So he gets on the ice next. Stretches himself. Looks around at the crowd cheering for him. So many eyes watching him, waiting for his performance, expecting nothing short of magical. He has to deliver that to them

His performance starts, he skates around the ice, dances a little, does some spins and Axels, simple moves to warm up to the actual important move

He knows he can do it. He's done it a dozen times. Except this time, he's gotta add something to it to make it stand out. Something never done before. He jumps, and when his back is facing the ground a few feet up, he stretches his legs further apart for elegance, like a split on the floor

And maybe he aimed too high and his wings melted under the sun, hoped too much, confidence too high, because when he lands, he falls

The blades land a little too crooked, too angled, and he slips, and his ankle bends too fast, his body drops it's weight too fast, everything is too fast for him to process

Something in his leg tears, he may have screamed, and his head hits the ice hard and it's dark soon enough

Head trauma and muscle rupture leave him hospitalized and bedridden for a good while, and it sucks. He can barely stand up on his own, and he feels miserable the entire time

Recovery is slow, painfully slow, but eventually, he relearns to walk, to function without aid, to take care of himself again

But most importantly, to return to the ice

He's waited so long to finally wear his skates again and perfect the mistake he made on the competition. He feels such embarrassment for failing something he should've done easily. He had to go back and learn it

Except, when his skates are on and he's on the edge of the rink, he feels... Wrong

His heart is racing, hands clammy, he's trembling as his nails dig into the wooden railing, and he can't get himself to move a muscle. All he can do is stare at the ice, at the people already on it minding their own business, and feel terror through his bones

Fear clouds his brain, and he returns home, crawling in bed and tossing and turning the entire night wondering what the fuck is wrong with him

Why is he suddenly afraid of the same thing that was his everything? It was not the first time he fell, or the first time he lost, or the first time he failed a move. He should be fine, he should be pushing himself like he always used to, he needed to correct his mistake

But no matter how many times he forces himself out and to the ice rink, he can only make it to the edge before he feels like fainting and breathing feels like a chore

He can't do it, he's afraid, scared, terrified of the ice, petrified of the intense pain he went through. The wounds may have healed but the memory is still stuck with him

He's afraid he'll fall again, he'll tear his muscle again, he'll feel that same excruciating pain again. He's too afraid. He can't do it

So he stops. He never goes back on the ice again, keeps his skates in his bag but never takes it out. Every once in a while, he visits the rink he always skates on, watching others have fun, but never stepping a foot on it himself

It was as soothing as it was torture, but he couldn't seperate himself from the ice forever if he tried

Nothing eventful ever happens besides kids slipping on the ice and crying, until an amateur ice hockey team has trials one day

A bunch of young men, nearly his own age, compete against each other in small groups while the coach eliminates one player after the other to create his own team

Kryoz has to agree that they play well enough. He's never followed ice hockey before, but anything ice related is interesting to him, and now that he can't participate himself, he'll stuck to watching

Every other week, new people apply, apparently, and play against the slowly growing team of the coach. None are really eye catching, however, just the average young adult pushing thirty like himself getting worked up and being passive aggressive over a sport. But hey, entertainment is entertainment

He almost considers just ignoring them because it's frankly starting to get boring and repetitive until this new young guy joins them one day, brash and loud and assertive, standing out in the crowd of his peers swinging pucks

He's theoretically just like all the others, except something about him was different

He was pushy and loud and he laughed a lot and he was just as stubborn as kryoz was before, clumsy yet obviously passionate about ice hockey. Kryoz could admire that, that raw passion, the genuine joy

The coach however didn't share the sentiment. Kryoz watched him play again and again yet be turned down each time because the coach found him too stubborn, too demanding, not enough of a teamplayer. Kryoz saw how frustrated the guy, who he learned was named Smii7y, got after each rejection

It annoyed him, if he had to be honest. This Smii7y guy had a passion, and talent too. he had the reaction time of a precise hunter and seemed to be ahead of his opponents. The only problem was his teamplay and his clumsiness when aiming

Smii7y didn't pass the puck nearly as much as the others, and the coach didn't appreciate that. His aims at the goal missed because he flew it too far to the side each time

So one day, when Smii7y leaves the rink annoyed after yet another rejection, and sits at the benches to take off his skates, he approaches him. Talks to him. Explains his witnessing of Smii7ys playing. They make a deal soon enough. John will train him in return for something he hasn't chosen yet. He'll get to that when he figures out what he really wants

(he kind of really wants to see Smii7y succeed. The guy has something for ice hockey, it's obvious. Or maybe he wants to be able to get back on the ice again. Maybe he wants Smii7y. Maybe he wants something entirely else)

Smii7y, despite his stubbornness, agrees, because it would be stupid not to. Kryoz does not tell him about his past, just guides him from the sidelines, gives him tips to stay in balance on the ice, to accelerate and to slow and to sharp turn and anything that could help Smii7y

They do this for a good while, and even hang out outside of training. Smii7y takes him to all sorts of places he can think of, because of course he has a driver's license and a car, and he wants kryoz to be his passenger princess, and kryoz just let's himself be spoiled no matter how weird he feels about it

He's never relaxed like this before. Before the incident at least. He's always worked hard day after day, never resting, so not training anymore and just doing nothing in general feels so weird to him. But he allows the change. It is nice, after all, when he eventually gets used to it

Besides, Smii7y is nice to him. He enjoys spending time with him

Smii7y improves rapidly, and kryoz has never been more proud. The ice below his skates sing when he races after a puck, and he looks so ethereal with his eyes concentrated and feet moving on their own

Smii7y never questions why kryoz never gets on the ice himself, but when he does, kryoz brushes it off. Smii7y feels a bit weird, kryoz is definitely hiding something, but it's not his place to ask. If kryoz wants to tell him, he'll do that on his own

One day, after a good bit of training, they sit down at the sides to snack some when kryoz admits that he misses being on the ice. Smii7y is confused, of course, but doesn't ask why kryoz doesn't just... Get on the ice. I mean, he obviously knows how to skate if he can coach Smii7y like he does, it's just weird that he's never seen kryoz on the ice in the months he's known the guy

So he stands up, grabs his hand, helps him out his skates on (which he always carries in his bag for some reason but never ever uses) and drags him to the ice, assuring him that he'll be alright, because Smii7y will stay with him, and it'll be fun, and he's never seen him skate before and he's just so curious

Kryoz protests, but gives in, because he doesn't want to admit he's scared of the ice, so he allows Smii7y to drag him on. He can feel his heart racing already, and he's holding tightly onto Smii7ys arm

Smii7y mistakes it for simple nerves and lets go of him to skate forward. Then turns around and extends a hand with a wide smile and encourages him.

Kryoz panics when he's alone on the ice, a feet from the edge, his legs locked, his heart racing, and he returns to the edge

Smii7y senses that something is really wrong, so he goes after him, calms him from his panic with some effort, and then kryoz finally explains to him what's wrong

About his success as a figure skater, about his harsh training, his self implemented perfectionism, about the competitions, about his incident, the injury, the pain, the recovery, the misery and the pain, and most importantly, the fear that came after that

Smii7y listens, and hugs him when he's done. He apologises to him, for what happened to him and for pushing him for something he wasn't ready for. He promises to be by his side no matter what

They continue like nothing happened. Smii7y doesn't push him, and kryoz continues to coach him until the next trials

For the next trials, the coach for some reason switches up his style. Instead of dividing all the applicants into 2 groups and making them play against one another, he makes groups of 4 to play 2v2s to better analyse each player

Kryoz excitedly watches as Smii7y gets on the ice to play against 2 other guys with a guy named blarg. They hit off instantly and form a great duo.

Smii7y catches the coach's eye quickly this time, and kryoz expresses his pride with hugs and cheers. Everything seems to be going well again and kryoz couldn't have been happier for Smii7y

But all good things must come to an end when during one training sesh/duel, his opponent pushes Smii7y off balance, and he makes a nasty fall

Kryoz freezes. His mind flashes instantly with images of his own incident so long ago, the pain and the misery he had been through. His heart skips a beat when he, for a split second, imagines Smii7y in his position

He doesn't think when he launches himself onto the rink to go over to Smii7y and check if he's okay, because he needs to be 100% sure

Smii7y brushes him off, and he seems unscathed. Kryoz is relieved beyond comprehension

But Smii7y is looking at him weird, and when he asks, Smii7y says, “John,” so soft and gentle, as always, “you’re on the ice”

And kryoz had been so focused on Smii7ys Wellbeing that he hadn't realised that he was actually in the ice, and he wasn't trembling in fear or sweating buckets. All he felt was concern replaced by relief

So he laughs, laughs because he's fixed, laughs because he didn't think he'd ever be on ice again, laughs because he's happy, because he has Smii7y, because Smii7ys okay and he's also okay and oh god

Smii7y stands up, helps him up, then lifts and spins him in the air as they laugh because kryoz did it

And they celebrate it, loud and cheesy, and Smii7y is so happy that they can skate together now, that they can be on the ice together and share a fraction of a passion together

Kryoz slowly gets back to his old skills. He'll never be as good as he was maybe, but the important part is that he's back, and after a long while of getting familiar on the ice again, he finally allows himself to participate in a competition again, with the promise to Smii7y that he won't push himself too hard

He wins silver, and he's so joyed that he runs into Smii7ys arms after the competition is over and kisses him as passionately as he can muster, eyes teared up and hands trembling, but this time from the excitement and relief and his love for this man