Bieber Burns

Snuggle Buddies

Hey guys, 

Check out this great video. A classic if you want to learn some new snuggle positions with your buddy. Feel free to share it with your mates!

In previous blogs I have outlined the different reasons why we collectively hate Justin Bieber being sure to validate my claims along the way. You can’t go past science when it comes to us hating Bieber. Now, it’s time to outline why I hate Justin Bieber, discovering why I even created this blog. I will touch on some personal experiences I have involving Bieber and also just generally talk rubbish about him until you finally realise that I am right and you hate Bieber just as much as me. 

First and for most I hate his music. Take a look at Eric Clapton’s ‘Tears in Heaven’- the lyrics touch you from the moment they are sung-

"Would you know my name

If I saw you in heaven?

Would you feel the same

If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong and carry on

'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven"

These are quality lyrics. Now let’s look at some Biebers greatest work-

"And I was like, baby, baby, baby oooooh.

Baby, baby, baby ooooh"

Don’t need science here to tell you what a joke this supposed ‘artist’ is. If he wants to make real music he needs to start following in the footsteps of some of the all time great musicians. 

Which brings me to my next point- If his music is so crap, why does he have such a big fan base? It’s obvious that all of his fans are either deaf or not musicians themselves. I mean just take a look at this die hard Bieber fan, a couple sandwiches short of a picnic or what?

Scares me to look at really. 

 Real musicians know good music when they see it. He didn’t even work hard for his fame- he played a Gaga song at a school talent show and the next thing you know he is riding on someone else's fame train.

 Photo: (March 10, 2011- Source: PacificCoastNews.com)

I tell you what would make my day- if the cops pictured here just let the ‘fans’ run straight through them and trample the shit out of Bieber’s face. Now, I’d pay to see that at a concert. Speaking of concerts I’m hoping everyone saw on the news a year or so ago when he had a concert in Australia and he was egged while performing one of his songs. Can you believe that a true hater actually payed money to go to one of his concerts with a jacket full of eggs just to throw them at him? Now that is my idol, what a legend. I believe he shouldn’t have been kicked out of the concert, instead he should have been given a parade on the streets so all the Bieber haters could come out and applaud him. 

In conclusion, I would just like to say that I hope I have my point clear. Justin Bieber has no musical talent, he rides on other peoples fame train, his fans aren’t all here (of you get what I’m saying) and he was egged by a legend of the “I Hate Justin Bieber club”. If you are a so called “Belieber”, I hope you are now starting to realise that you in fact do not like him at all and was only fooled temporarily by his funny hair cut that stimulated your happy senses because it made you laugh and probably still does.

This weeks Bieber burn is taking from a collection of Bieber jokes found online:

Justin Bieber’s mother often tells his friends stories of when he was little. The stories are from a few months ago.

Yo Usher! Are you coming out tonight? -Nah I’m babysitting Justin Bieber!

Justin Beiber fell off the ladder trying to reach puberty .

In this blog we delve into the science behind why someone would hate Justin Bieber.

Firstly, let’s look at the anatomy of the human body, paying particular attention to what Bieber lacks. So what makes up the human body, you have your reproductive organs and so forth- straight up I can already see why we hate Bieber, his balls haven’t even dropped yet, no wonder he attempts to hit those high notes and fail. Any male singer knows to even think about hitting those notes he will have to put a bit of pressure on that area to keep that note singing. Now that he is 18 he is supposed to be considered a man- well to that I say grow a set mate. 

Another crucial element of the human body is hair, and I’m not just talking about the hair on your head, as a man it is crucial to have a good set of leg hairs, yes I understand that male athletes shave parts of their legs as to tape them, but Bieber is far from an athlete as Pepsi is to Coke. Then tell me why does Bieber have no leg hair as pictured here?

Photo: (Source- http://www.fashionihub.com)

Yes, they really are his legs.

There is no way that any woman could even consider loving a man who not only has no hair on his legs but also wears high heels. No woman would ever want to share their razor let alone their heels with their husband, think about it. 

Another important aspect of why we hate Justin Bieber is emotions. We all have emotions from time to time (with the exception of Ben Cousins of course, we all know that drugs don’t constitute as emotions, if he had half the emotions of what he does of crack then he might actually be considered a woman, but that’s another story). There is one word that describes Bieber that I feel sums up the emotions we all have for him:

KNOB

K- is for not ‘knowing’ if we should crash the car when he comes on the radio or just simply turn the radio off.

N- is for the ‘not’ part in the sentence above of ‘not knowing’.

O- is for the O in OMG- as in “Oh My God I think I just saw a woman being beaten up by a 12 year old girl- Oh, wait, no that was just Justin Bieber being slapped by his girlfriend. “

B- is for ‘Beetroot’- what his face looked like after he was beaten up with his own purse. 

So overall I think that from a scientistic view it is clear why we hate Justin Bieber- he just doesn’t fit into the human structure of life.

This weeks Bieber Burn- 

Speaks for any Bieber song really...

This blog is more or less a picture blog on Bieber and the approximate location of where he wears his pants, which might I say is pathetic. It was difficult to look at the following pictures considering his arse is out there for everyone to see, not to mention his little pee-pee. If you already feel sick, please don't hesitate to look away. Otherwise, hold on as you become disgusted out of your mind wishing that Bieber would get a good belting from his mother with the belt that he should be using to hold his pants up, not using it to hold his pants around his knees....

Picture 1- Pull them up mate, if you can't do that, stop buying kids elevens and start buying mens trousers.

Photo- Source: http://www.929.com.au/entertainment 

Picture 2- Same story idiot.

Photo- Source: http://www.929.com.au/entertainment

Picture 3- There are only 2 possible things that can be holding your pants up in this photo buddy

1-That young girls hand around your crutch that you are groping (is she even legal)

2- Your erect penis, even that little thing is struggling, pull them up mate.

Photo- Source: justinbieberdaily.org

Picture 4- Speaking of your small pee-pee, what the hell is going on here. Your pants are designed to cover this shit up, you can go to jail for exposing that worm. (check the close up out in the next picture).

Above 2 Photos- Source: http://www.929.com.au/entertainment

Who in there right mind thinks that this looks good let alone cool, you are a fool.

Picture 5- Now this one is a real crack up. Not only is there no reason why Bieber should even bother wearing pants (besides hiding his scrawny chicken legs), just take a look at the colour of those things. Didn't know they made my grandma's undies in small girl sizes.

Photo- Source: http://www.fashionfashion.org

Picture 6- Now, if Bieber wants to have any chance what so ever of looking cool he needs to take a look at possibly one of the coolest characters ever invented by Mr Will Smith, that is of course The Fresh Prince of Bel air- Will Smith himself. Take a look at this picture, not only has he got the right dance moves but he still manages to keep his pants at a respectful level. What a legend of legends.

Photo- Source: http://www.funnyordie.com