Amor Vincit Omnia @nomorechoirs - Tumblr Blog

my mother left a god-sized yearning in me and my father left a god-shaped hole in me and now all I've got is this human-sized heart.

#if you even care btw :)#ngl i've decided being overly melodramatic is going to be how i deal with this post father abandonment depression from now on #cry prophecy kassandra

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eesirachs

how to handle religious crises

"i think god hates me"—go to adoration

"it's been x years"—go to adoration

"i can't feel god in my hurt"—go to adoration

"my relationships feel lonely"—go to adoration

"i think god is cruel, or neglectful, or negging"—go to adoration

"the locusts consume too much of me"—go to adoration

"my thrumming heart is leaky"—go to adoration

"i'm lost"—go to adoration

eesirachs

#literally literally literally!!!#I can’t wait for the church I regularly go to to finally start and finish construction on their 24 hr adoration chapel #otherwise it’s 30 min drive for me to get to the nearest one #you cry and He’s there and you silently scream in anger and He’s there and (if you’re me) you vomit in the vestibule and He’s there

mad at g*d all of a sudden. so mad at him I’m screaming. doesn’t mean he gets to take my angel wings though. those are permanent.

actually my shoulder blades hurt all the time because my angel wings are growing. I know since the holy spirit told me herself <3

#I’m SO TIRED and SO SCARED and SO FULL OF DESPAIR and want to [REDACTED]#yay woohoo yippee ˚₊‧꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

eesirachs

"whoever returns to their life will lose it," the child of nazareth tells his friends (mt 10:39). the verb in this is εὑρίσκω, heuriskó from heuro. retrouving, retrieving, returning to. you resurrect one night, on a thursday, and you know in clarity the contours of god's love. you're in the garden with him, the genesic garden with ripe cherries and fluffy fronds. you return to your life. then, in one breath, you lose it. there's no consoling, not from the child of nazareth. you return to yourself only to lose yourself. that's religion

#oh…#feeling very defeated today going back to work with yet another messed up schedule #very oh no we’re going back to the wilderness AGAIN very oh no here we go again very lost #I rested and ate food and drink (the best food and drink even. the Eucharist) and still I feel the journey is too great #I wonder if Elijah also wanted to stay beneath that broom tree and sleep longer but forced himself to get up anyways #well…back to it. finding god and losing him with every breath #I suppose I just have to remind myself he isn’t in the air it’s the act of breathing itself is where g*d is

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woke up feeling very 'the angel of the Lord came a second time, touched him, and said, "arise and eat, or the journey will be too great for you"' today...

#nightmares. headache. alone alone alone. tired. back to work with a messed up schedule this next 2 weeks. sad.#forcing myself to get up and leave the house later to eat and go to church

waking up on the first day off after a grueling work week and knowing you have another grueling work week ahead...still too tired and knowing of the horrors ahead to feel truly content yet the peace that comes with simply allowing your body to rest settles over you anyways...this must be what Elijah felt the first time after he woke up under the tree in the wilderness and ate the cake and drank the water that the angel left for him. when the angel told him to keep eating and resting because God knew the journey was still too great.

#i'm making everything biblical now apparently because everything actually is.#helloooooooooo finished my back to back to back 4 in a row 10 hr graveyard shifts at the hospital everyoneeeeeeeee

oh no, me feeling ἐσκυλμένοι and ἐρριμμένοι….surprise, surprise……Not.

#almost crashed my car driving home from my ten hour shift because I was exhausted and inexplicably crying AGAIN #it’s okay though this means Jesus is going to be moved to compassion for me and Help Me right????#girl (god) help (me) !!!!!

eesirachs

you return to god, like he know you'd return to him. you return to him because he knew that. you return because this garden's hate-fucking you. because this river is too big. god knows your lip combo. he knows the color of your nephesh, the life-thing in your throat. he breathes into it, onto it. god's the v line of your lover's tummy. he's your runny nose, knees to chest on the bed, cheeks flushed like lilies. he's never not close to you. closer than that, even

#g*d knows the color of my nephesh…?#oh. oh wow. insane actually. blushing actually #he knows the deepest most sacred part of me even when I don’t #i bloom like a garden under his gaze once I fall asleep #and I don’t even realize it. how scary. how romantic #faith #our wrecked covenant our blood wedding

nomorechoirs

fr. "A Bat out of Hell" by Mary Ruefle

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nomorechoirs

“Dust” by Dorianne Laux

nomorechoirs

fr. “Heaven on Earth” by Mary Ruefle

my work really has me κοπιῶντες away :(

#almost crashed my car after my 10 hr shift last night because I was suddenly crying so hard my eyes were stinging #and I know. I know. I prayed for this job. I suppose I’m just that weak #the way I cried at last week’s gospel reading iykyk

eesirachs

dead dove but it’s me warning you about the bible

#and just like my ao3 history I go ‘oh good thing I’m a regular at the dead dove diner’ and DIG IN #faith

the-quasar-hero

Assign an aspect of nature to prev

Waves at the beach

Rushing breeze through leaves

A crack of thunder

Flow of a river

The shine of a gem

Dancing embers of a flame

Torrential rain

Slow falling snow

An emerald sea of grass

Austere cliffside

A maze of roots

The endless oceans

Voting ended onJul 11

#prev is dancing embers of a flame; you're always in perpetual beautiful motion to me #whether that's reading about you dancing or the free flowing movement of your edits

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interesting time to be both catholic and an 'a series of unfortunate events' fan....

#*googles pope leo's encyclical so I can finish reading it* -> *sees articles on the society of saint pius x excommunication*#*sees the word 'schism'* -> *activates like a SLEEPER AGENT*#something something when we grab you by your ankles --i didn't realize this was a sad occasion-- the world is quiet here something somethin #i was talking about this with someone and they asked me 'what's a 'schism'' and i felt lemony snicket possess my body #*gesturing frantically as I explain* 'a word which here means'#asoue #.dd

eesirachs

god like-likes you

#*kicking my feet back and forth bashfully while sitting in the pews during adoration*#*tucking a strand of hair behind my ear shyly as I blush*#‘do you promise?’

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