Amor Vincit Omnia

my mother left a god-sized yearning in me and my father left a god-shaped hole in me and now all I've got is this human-sized heart.

again and again and again, why has g*d allowed grief to make a home in my bones? as soon as I find a moment to breathe sorrow strikes my heart like an arrow, never missing, swift and true. countless griefs, innumerable griefs, sea-stricken griefs, unnameable and endless as the waves. even the angels don’t know what to do with me. and the ghosts don’t know me, not even a little. I wade into the shore trying to find where I’ve gone and just get lost all over again, my body an absence of its own. I disappear further into myself. I retreat, withdraw, close, hiding from life itself, my soul mangled from being shoved into a space so tightly cramped, my voice rusty because my words have all fled me, but you can’t outrun the terror or the madness or the sickness or the sadness, it’s the only thing that knows your name. it calls for me again and again and again, a bell in the night, and like a sheep instinctively follows the sound, I’m led as a lamb to the slaughter of the alter again and again and again, and then it’s another day and I’m left with my mind that does not care for me and my will which cannot save me, and I start to cry again and again and again