frasa(✧⁠*⁠。🫛

Olruggio shoots up in bed, sweating and breathing heavily. An intense feeling of dread makes his skin feel prickly. His eyes dart to every dark corner of his workshop searching for a danger still lingering in his mind. When his heart rate eventually settles and his breaths come slower he can finally hear the silence of his empty room. He can remember where he is. He’s not in the northern region, he isn’t back in his village. There’s no one to reach for, no one to pull from impending danger, and no one looking at him like the failure he is. He’s alone and the dread lingers.

Floorboards of the catwalk creek under his steps. He cringes at the noise hoping he won’t wake any of the girls. Then he steps out into the common area he notices it’s rather cold in the atelier. Maybe a warm fire will ease his nerves, brighten the room and push those eerie shadows back. It takes only a moment to get the fireplace going, the man rearranging some pillows to prop against as he just stares into it. His mind is still flicking back to unsavory memories but he’s trying at least to focus more on the dancing flames.

“Olruggio?” A voice calls in a whisper. Jolting the man turns fast to the sound, making you jump as well. You raise one hand in defense as the other grips your night robes tight to your chest. “Sorry I didn’t mean to startle you.” You say in a more even tone, with how still he was you weren’t sure if he was awake. The man sighs and shakes his head.

“No need to apologize.” He grunts. “What are you doing awake at this hour?” He asks, trying his best to look unfazed. You step closer, taking a seat on the couch closer to the fire. He watches the light dance on your features while you watch the flames like he was doing just moments before.

“I can’t sleep.” You sigh, leaning forward to rest your arms on your knees. “What about you?” Eyes moving to look at him. Olruggio shifts under your gaze as if you’d be able to spot every insecurity and fear from just a glance.

“Odd dreams.” He gives, it’s not much but at least he’s being honest. You hum and lean back again. You look as if you’re mulling something over or trying to recall something from many years ago. With a snap of your fingers you grin at the man with a cheery expression.

“I know a trick for that.” Standing up you start heading toward the kitchen. Olly watches with a raised brow wondering what on earth you’d have up your sleeve to remedy ‘odd dreams’ as he put it. Following after you he steps into the kitchen, now also bathed in a gentle light of your fire magic. You’re using a spell to heat up a pot, apparently this remedy is food related. Stepping even closer he hovers and watches as you open cabinets overhead and gather all the things you need.

Stirring the simmering liquid you find your shoulders easing at the familiar task. It’s been a long time, it’s a good thing you still remember the recipe. “This is a milk tea my master used to make for me when I was an apprentice.” You turn to smile at Olruggio again. “They always said something warm in your stomach would make the bad dreams melt away. Make room for the cozy ones.” A soft laugh trails the memory as you continue stirring.

“Never said they were bad dreams.” Olly tries.

“You didn’t have to.” You say simply, causally adding a spice to the mixture.

When you finish you strike out your spell and gather two mugs for the milk tea. Passing one to Olruggio you lead the way back to the common area. You sit closer this time, stealing one of the pillows to prop against the couch and rest against. The dark haired man can feel his chest tighten a bit watching you. You’re doing him a favor by not prying but he finds himself wondering just how you read him so easily.

Finally after a moment he speaks again. “How could you tell?” His eyes watch your every move you take a drink from your cup, eyes watching the fire again. Your expression is calm, eyes watching a fizzling ember near that strayed too far.

“…Well I noticed…” you place your cup to the side and fold your hands in your lap. “… around this time of year you always get a little quieter.” You explain. “You look more tired, even when your work isn’t keeping you busy…You seem a bit jumpy too, like earlier.” You finally catch his eyes. There’s a couple other things. The way his shoulders don’t fully relax, the way his smile seems more forced, and the knit in his brows that stays anytime he’s staring off into space. “I’ve been told the stories, about up north.”

Olruggio shifts, looking you in the eyes. His expression is stoic but his eyes held a sadness that only comes from a weight carried for far too long. You’re sure this is the most tired you’d ever seen him. Slowly, without a word, you stand and make your way over to him. Settling down right by his side and leaning your shoulder on his. It’s a simple pressure, something to let him know you’re there but still give him the opportunity to pull away. He doesn’t.

“I’m sure the story has gained some exaggerations since.” He sighs, going back to watching the flames. He wonders if what you were told was even close to accurate, some did a great deal to cover up or minimize his failure and keep his reputation as a prodigy. “I can tell you the real story…” He mumbles.

“You don’t have to.” You interject.

“No, it's better coming from me than anyone else. I was actually there after all. I won’t sugar code the truth.” His voice holds a slight bitterness that you don’t comment on.

For the next couple of hours you sit by Olruggio’s side listening to him talk. He spares no detail from the smell of the morning air to the smell of copper that he can still so horribly recall. Your hand slowly slipped into his at some point when his shoulders slumped and shook. His voice cracked and words came watered down and weak. You end up pulling him into your arms and holding him to you as tightly as you can, his own arms clutching you like a child would their mother.

“You did everything you could have Olly, you were a kid. Would you expect any of the girls to be ready for that type of situation? Would you want them blaming themselves for it?” You wipe his tears away and cup his face gently in both hands. “You are a wonderful witch, Olruggio. A wonderful man. Don’t tear yourself apart for something that was out of your control.” You’re sure a part of him doesn’t believe your words, a part that will always blame himself. You just hope that another part will keep what you said and hold it with him every time his memory brings him back to this place.

~~~

You stir at the sound of whispers, light voices hushing each other and small feet shuffling softly. “Shhh! You’ll wake them up!” Even in your groggy state you recognize Tetia’s voice instantly. Your features scrunch as you eyes flutter open, met with a soft morning light peaking through the windows. Shifting in an attempt to sit up you notice a heavy weight on your stomach. Peaking down from your propped position on the pillows you notice messy dark locks laying across your stomach. Olruggio is curled up against you, his upper half draped over mid section, and arm curled over your lap.

That’s when you recall you’d stayed up talking with and comforting Olruggio and you don’t recall ever heading back to bed. You two must have fallen asleep at some point, too exhausted to notice. Judging by the slow rise and fall of Olruggio’s shoulder he’s still fast asleep.

“Girls, perhaps we should start on breakfast, let them sleep a bit longer.” You hear Qifrey’s voice, gentle and low, trying to stay quiet as well. You can hear their footsteps retreating to the kitchen and you breathe a sigh of relief that you didn’t have to explain why you two are cuddled up in front of the fireplace.

You should probably get up but it’s probably better to let Olruggio get these measly hours of sleep where he can. Your fingers trail into his hair again, slowly combing each little knot out. Pausing your fingers when he shifts a bit and sighs snuggling his face farther against you. A warmth spreads under the skin of your cheeks as you try not to let butterflies kick up in your stomach. They might just wake him.

What that I hear? 👂more angst?

──── 𐙚 ────

“Any letter from them Olly?”

“..no…none…”

Qifrey took a deep breath, if been years since they last heard of you and they are beginning to worry there haven’t been sight of you, no talk and no letter. Qifrey and Olly were heartbroken that you haven’t been keeping with you’re promise but they almost reassure themselves that maybe maybe….oh who are hey kidding they don’t know but maybe you had important things? But was it really important for you to forget about them? Not even write where you are?

“Olly I don’t know what to do…we haven’t heard of them not even a sliver of anything, and we don’t know where they are, we, we, we-“

Seen his partner descending to insanity Olly pull Qifrey to his chest and try to console him, he was also worry about you but what can they do? They don’t know where you are or even more they don’t know if you are…alive…no, no they can’t lost hope you must be alive!

“shhh I know I know”

“We should of stop them that day, now they’re gone somewhere! It feel like, like we lost them! They’re they-“

Olly to can feel his heart breaking from Qifrey eractic breathing and more than that he miss you so much and he regret even agreeing to let you go.

“I know..I just hope they haven’t forgotten about us…”

There is another variant of the poem of a star and silver tree and this one is of a moon.

The moon, once so high, had admirers that were a star and a silver tree; however, it was so high that neither of them could ever reach it. The stars may seem close, being in the same sky, but it is a mere illusion. Stars are far from the moon; they just seem to align to the human eye, perceiving them as if they are close. As for the silver tree? Its roots grow in the soil, but its branches reach for the sky, hoping that one day they might finally touch the moon.

Oh, how the moon has two admirers that it could never see, because it was too far from them.

Years of adventuring didn’t cure your unrequired feeling, neither had it change your feeling, seem that the saying of “distance only made the heart grow fonder” have some true because it only made it more painful as you go. Even now you can imagine what they will say.

“you promise to write letter to us”

“I’m sorry” You whisper to yourself, you knew that you are breaking your promise but you were scared that if you begin to write your heart will spill out. It nor like you didn’t try on the first night you try to write to them your hand seem to never stop shaking that the words became wobbly and incomprehensible and not only that you notice that tears also begin to fall in the parchment when you try, so you opt –even if it break your heart—to not write them anything, just until you body control themselves from shacking and crying at the thought of them.

“They’ll hate me” you give a breathy laugh to the air, you could already imagine it. Them with furrow brows and angry face as they ask to many questions, questions that will only make you be quiet because they have all the reason to be mad at you.

“I can’t help it, I can’t stay with you guys seen you both so loving it will only make me spiral. I never feel this, love is so scary and now that I got a taste of it I’m terrified and knowing that you both are a couple that only make this more reasonable to stop this feeling, so please wait a little bit more I promise I’ll kill this feeling and everything will be back to normal, just you wait…”

The garden ones vivid of color begin to drop, like dead bird falling from the sky, their color turning black and making the ones white void fill of flower was turning a to funeral of dead ones and turning now the space to black and white.

“Oh no no, no don’t drop” the white figure cry as another flower wilt, caressing the now dry petals with their fingers. They look up to the white void seen more and more flower drop before sigh “I’ll nurse you back, it will take time but I know it will become beautiful again”

And so years and years past, winter go and spring come, then autumn and fall, and everything go again and again. During your travel you have gone to many different places, seen many wonderful sigh, meet interesting people that you focus to much as if you’re looking for two people in particular and OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY WHY WHY ARE YOU STILL THINKING ABOUT THOSE TWO!!

“…it not working I try so hard and I thought it working only to take a moment and then I’m looking everywhere for you two…” You look at the ceiling of your rented room for the night. It true that your feeling have subside but you know deep inside you it still there not completely gone but for now it contain. Like a almost bursting bottle of sparkling water trying to contain the bubbles, at lest it still close as long as it isn’t touch it will be contain, and you hope it will continue like that.

“I need to go to kalhm, get more materials” you divert your thought to your equipment, and so you put a plan you will go to kalhm get the material you need and leave as quick as you can so you won’t see them. You hope you don’t see them because if you do they’ll break the bottle you try so hard to contain.

…

Kalhm was a city fill of merchants trying to sell goods, walking passerby both unknowing and witches a like but to you it was like walking in eggshell and a ticking bomb not knowing if you would come across them.

You pull your cape down to hide your face just incase not putting to much attention to people who watch you weirdly.

“Did you get the new contraption from the Olruggio?"

“you mean that Olruggio? Olruggio of the torch?”

“Yeah it amazing! Help me out a lot!”

You stop your track, it seem like Olruggio did become a big name after all no surprise there but you didn’t stop there you continue walking then you bump into someone.

“Ah sorry-“

“(name)..?”

A familiar voice whisper back to you, one that have become so imbedded that with only a call of your name made your hand clench, right in front of you was what you dreaded the most Qifrey and beside him was Olruggio. Two of the persons who you didn’t want to see still.

“Qifrey…”

…

Qifrey and Olruggio where walking around Kalhm after Qifrey had just past the 5th test to become a teacher he was just about to receive their first apprentice and they need a lot of things to be sorted out that was until someone bump into him while they where window-shopping.

“ah sorry”

That was a familiar voice they haven’t hear in years, a voice they dream to hear again so he couldn’t stop when a name they were hoping to see comes out.

“(name)…?”

Right in front of them was you, you may be hiding under your cape but he know you even if years past he will always know you. Olruggio also seem to catch on, he look surprise.

“ah Qifrey, Olly hi” you almost sound disappointed you hope they didn’t catch it. “I should go” you try to walk away but then Qifrey took you hand, his hand was trembling. “wait- do you have anywhere to stay? We have a atelier near by, on a open field by the mountain please stay, stay with us” Qifrey voice was desperate, they can’t let you leave again they can’t. After many years of not seen you and now that that fate have given them this opportunity they won’t let it go away.

“I-“

“please (name) accept it, please live with us” Olruggio put his hand by you two, his eyes was pleading to you something that was already making you weak in the knees. You shouldn’t, you really shouldn’t that will only make your hard work go down the drain. But you open you mouth about to decline but your heart won.

“Yes” why did you accept?! You traitorous heart.

Olruggio and Qifrey sigh in relief, Qifrey was scared that you would decline—Olruggio feel like he was burning waiting for you to accept but your answer of accepting in living with them had made them happy, elated even now they could have you close to them, yes everything is falling back how it was suppose to. You in the other hand feel like it was a mistake luckily they didn’t ask about no letter send because you didn’t know what you would answer but now you had to live with them so close and now that you been away they are probably already a couple and then your goanna get hurt again.

“Ah I’m glad, here let me help you!” Olruggio took your bag before you could protest. Both of them walk beside you making small conversation you try to answer without your voice wavering.

“how have you been, any interesting thing in your adventure?”

“fine and it ok the sigh” but you guys weren’t there.

“what about you guys? How life been going” have you become official?

“Qif’ past the 5th test, soon we will be receiving apprentices”

“ah”

“but we have room for you!” at that words you smile a little, even if you haven’t keep your promise they still thought about you, they’re still kind even after many years of you been silence.

“Is that him?!”

“Yeah, ‘the’ Olruggio of the torch!”

The voice of passing people caght your attention.

“and that man beside him, he look so handsome!”

“Ah what a sight, are they a couple?”

“what about that other one?”

“no idea, I don’t think I ever seem them”

“they look like a weirdo hiding under their cape”

Right, your impending doom. Even if you are beside them the talk of the people always seem to dig deep in your heart. They, Qifrey and Olly, always seem to catch the attention of others and you will always be left behind.

The bard was a person who didn’t have much, only their harp and song to show. They had also see they caught some very important people over the multitude, the king and the witch, and with every visit they to begin to find them interest but how can they get close when they are only a bard.

A bard, without a name, fame or money. They , the king and witch, were from high society and they, the beard, don’t feel worthy of ever coming close to them. They fill like the gap was too wide to even cross that line.

You wonder will it stay like that? You watching them until the say you die? You will regret it but you aren’t saying you love them because that will only make it more awkward and you didn’t want that friendship to break. So with your head down you decided that you will keep your mouth shut, your heart in control and just try to act normal. You will keep your feeling to the grave and act like nothing is wrong.

It stay like that as more years past and past for maybe around 8 years or so you lost count (a/n: wow this reader is really stubborn like god damn imagine been silent for that long, max yearner reader), At the start it was somewhat easy by the time apprentices like Aggot, Tetia, Richeh came but by the time Coco join, that wall was already crumbling and you desperately were trying to build it up again so you resorted to dodge them with the help of the little girls without them knowing. You feel bad that you been using them a little to escape your feelings but they are good distraction to not speak to your two best friends, you try to put some distance when Qifrey or Olly try to make you join them but you always tell them something else. You aren’t avoiding them you just need some alone time…right? to prepare your heart that was trying to escape.

Qifrey and Olly feel like they were going crazy, you been avoided them at first it wasn’t obvious but by then now it was already a problem, every time they try to talk to you alone or try to insinuate they want to talk about their feeling you would try to escape and even nights when they have time to unwind with night snack you wouldn’t even join them, only leaving a bowl of your favorites to go cold and discarded by morning.

“I can’t take it anymore Olly, I’m suppose to feel happy that they stay with us but why, why does it feel like fate is playing tricks on us?! They still feel so far away?! This is the nngh time they decline?!” Qifrey say, clutching his face and tears run down his face and Olly could only try to console him again.

“I didn’t ask them why they didn’t send any letter thinking they must have their reason, I try to get closer but every time it feel like they are just getting farther and father! I-I we are losing them…we are losing them..”

Olruggio eyes soften but his eyes are also getting watery, he feel disappointed with himself, he wants to talk to you, confront you but he fear that in doing so you are just going to hide and avoid them more.

“I want to tell them I love them, We love them but I’m scared that in doing so would scared them away, have be been getting the wrong signal? Don’t they want us? Have we just drag them to something they don’t want?”

“Maybe they need a little more time?”

“But for how long?”

The silverwood tree maiden loved the star, but she also loved her first close companion so much that it bled into her speech. The star wasn’t mad—how could he be, when his love told him of her flower bud? He, too, couldn’t help but also fall in love through the words of his silver maiden, who spoke of it with so much adoration and love. Oh, how these two loved the flower bud, but the flower bud was already wilting from negligence.

You decline another of their get together, Qifrey eyes seem to dim when you gave another excuse but thankfully Olruggio was able to console him. Olruggio been so caring made you feel a knot in your throat so you quickly excuse yourself to your room.

You walk to your room, closing the door quietly before tumbling to your bed. “...It hard to act normal around them…I know they are trying to get close but I’m scared, I’m terrified that they are going to tell me that they have made it official and then I’ll feel like a outsider and have no way with the two of them. Studied heart, stupid, stupid, stupid why did you agree with living with them?” you mumble to your pillow, eyes stinking with brimming tears, you knew the answer to that it was because you love them and love made you do stupid things.

“I wish I didn’t feel in love with them…so I wouldn’t be feeling like this…” You wish that first flower never bloom, you wish that you had cut it the first time it bloom, you wish that you didn’t feel in love with them.

You thought of how they act even if you didn’t ask you knew that their bond have strengthen each other over the course of the years that you haven’t been present to the point is undeniable they have already become a item and you weren’t going to interject them because of your feeling that probably aren’t going to be reciprocate, taking in consideration of how they use to act when you were all still apprentices.

Trying to talk to them feel like a knot in your throat like-

Like flowers blooming and suffocating you, vines that wrap around lungs and each breath feel like needles. Coughing full flowers of flower-me-not and lavender almost reminiscent of the owners this heart yearn. Each breath feel like the last and the full bloom flower a notice of their feelings that undoubtedly will go unnoticed till they bring it to their tomb. A beautiful garden of death.

“I don’t know if I can take it anymore should I..I leave again?”

…

“Girls, lunch time! Tetia dear can you call (name) I fear they been hole up in their room for some time now”

“On it Master Qifrey!” Tetia saluted before walking up the steps in a preppy way and a smile on her face. She walks to your door about to knock but before she could your voice barely a small whisper she heard words that shatter her world.

“Should I leave again? Maybe never return? But if I did how do I tell them..?” your unmistakable voice sounded somber as if saying that was painful. Tetia became silent, her smile disappear and the thought of you leaving forever was a painful because she love you, all the girls do, you who have been so kind even brushing her hair to her prefer style and your kind words. It was clear she wasn’t suppose to hear you plan but if she didn’t would you already have gone by tomorrow?

Tetia with a heavy breath she compose herself before knocking at your door catching your attention from the other side. “Master (name) it lunch time” her voice was control she can’t let you know she was eavesdropping. “Ah right lunch, I’ll be there in a minute, thank you Tetia” she just nob before walking downstairs not even acknowledging the thank you have said still distraught by the words you said about leaving forever.

“Tetia what did they said” Qifrey who was already plating –now filled with Coco, Agott, Richeh and even Olly the table—look at Tetia who look a little upset, at the thought of that he was worry that you even decline in eating with them “They’ll be here in a minute” Tetia quickly said before sitting beside Richeh. Qifrey was a little weird that Tetia happy energy seem to have diminish but didn’t pay much attention maybe she was a little tired?

“Alright” just the you walk down before joining them sitting right far across from Qifrey and Olly who were sitting by the far end of a corner of the rectangle table—like you were putting distance—Qifrey eyebrows furrow for just a second, he didn’t like you been so far away from them , seen them your eyes then look surprised that even Olly have joined knowing him he would have been in his own room making new contractions. “Seem like even Olly joined” you smile hoping they didn’t notice that the smile didn’t reach your eyes. “Yes I had to drag him out so he doesn’t fait like all the other time” Qifrey smiled laughing at the bashful look Olly was giving “Oh stop it you”.

Their playful banter was like slap in the face, their smile and adoring eyes to each other was making this so difficult, you look down at your bowl not wanting to continue seen them when it was a painful reminder that you will never be with them the way you hope.

All of the sudden the cheery atmosphere was cut of when Tetia bang on the table and stand up.

“I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE, MASTER (NAME) ARE YOU REALLY LEAVING US?”

“wha-“

“AND YOU SAID THAT YOU ARE LEAVING FOREVER AS IN YOU AREN’T COMING BACK?!”

The sound of a spoon clatter to the table, making a resounding thump. Qifrey and Olly where frozen, their eyes wide and shrunk with fear.

“you’re leaving…?”

Like a flower wilting into the wind, leaving only their petals on the ground to be decompose by the soil.

Like a moon forever alone in the sky forever far from their admires.

Like a bard who wonder to another place and their admires can never follow for they have duty in their respected kingdom.

Like choking on beautiful flowers till death.

Oh they are losing you again, again, again and again...

Will this even be any different?

──── 𐙚 ────

It would been so funny if I left it here huh?