if this is a dream, then when will i wake up?

there's something so perverse about phones automatically capitalizing brands. don't make me put respect on youtube's name.

okay okay what's your least favourite 'classic' novel you ever read. i'm curious xx

i hate when apps know that i’m screenshotting something. when i screenshot something, that’s me acting outside your realm of understanding, app. i am beyond what you consider the observable universe. you’re not supposed to perceive me. we don’t know when god screenshots the earth. we don’t know when he’s like, “okay i’m just gonna take a pic in case i ever want to add dinosaurs back to something later and don’t remember how.” and if we did, we wouldn’t act all smug about it like, “hey, you wanna share that post? you could just click here to share it.” no, man. you didn’t catch me. i screenshotted this for my own reasons. what’s next? i can’t take a photo of my computer screen with my phone out of laziness without being shamed by the printer i don’t own?

sometimes i have strong opinions but they're also so inane that halfway through writing a post i'll be like "yeah, this is Absolutely not worth the energy it's taking" and delete everything. but then the opinion is still in my head. and i still want to share it. so within five minutes i go "you know, i bet i can phrase it more succinctly this time" and anyway. you all see where this is going. sometimes i do this four times in a row before i give up on the specific inane opinion and instead write a vague post about the concept of opinions as if that'll satisfy the urge to post the entirety of my inner monologue online. may or may not be relevant to what you're reading right now. and now all our lives have been enriched. you're welcome

do you ever feel yourself fail a charisma check in real time

"whats your 5 year plan?" buddy I nearly go insane thinking about what I should have for dinner

tumblr mutuals will truly be obsessed with anyone. there is a guy out there with 1 fan worldwide and that fan is your tumblr mutual

really annoying to have no energy no matter how much sleep you get

@lord-of-the-weird ‼️