Child of the Night

Time passes and the heart aches...

In my mind, I often ask for forgiveness - not from a god, but rather in general for who I am. I'm aware the problem is usually what I don't say or do. This damn awareness... It often makes me worry someone will take it personally. It's not you; if it were, I would likely tell you. My overwhelming desire for peace and my aversion to opening up is what makes me isolate or withdraw from conversations and people. I'd love to say sorry for that because I am, I mean it, I do... but, if we're being honest, no apology is sincere or valuable if you can't seem to change. It's practically worthless. Knowing that I was a different person once makes it even harder. Experience and circumstances changed me. People. Loving and losing them. Well, I don't like to think about it for too long since it quickly gets harder to breathe, my chest gets tight. I suppress it all so well. It can't be healthy...

You know, I don't want to think that nothing will ever get better, but basically, it really doesn't. lol