Angel Bunch Online

AIN’T A CHILDHOOD DREAM

Tonight, I’ve invested on something that I dreamed in a while now.

Yes, in a while.

Because this ain’t a childhood dream.

This is a dream for tenured mindsets. No baby can understand this.

My heart feels so happy.

Butterflies in my stomach and my brain — I am so excited.

Finally, I found the place where I can little by little fulfill my dreams.

It may not be the dream of…

I could make a life and create a peaceful vibe, and focus on reaching my star, i know it's never too far.

If someone would ask, "Why are you so cold hearted? Why are you so anti social? Why dont you talk much? Why dont you socialize? Why are you so over dramatic on small little things?"

I once cared too much. Not only once, but a thousand times to many and random people. But.. I was always neglected, always forgotten, and always unimportant. That made me developed to the person today. I have low connection to people because i don't think they ever listen to my words, i don't think they understand. I was always not heard. They are always not interested to my words. That hurt me a lot. I lose track of my self. I hated my self. I even wonder why people leave (just like nothing happened).

I grew up not wanted. I grew up invisible. That is why today, whenever i walk on streets, walk through my little village, roam around work, it naturally places on my mind that they didn't see you. They won't say "hi" nor say "goodbye". I was always invisible. That made my heart hardened, more than a rock, because a rock can be broken too. 😂

I was weak back then. Haven't developed self confidence because i could imagine their level of perception about me.

I do not talk more socialize that much, because they won't even let me speak til the end of my story. They would cut me off for some that butted in.

They just can't understand my language. Because most of people, talk about other people and shit talks. While meet on that other hand, talk about positivities and possibilities. Future. Not other people. That makes me feel cheap and stupid shit.

You are my strength and my motivator.

How could you take that perception away from me?

So easy for you to say those things, playing safe with words "i-dont-want-to-defend-myself",

But clearly said, you dont trust my decisions.

I thought you trusted me.

You make me doubt myself and all of my potentials...

And now Im crying,

Because nowvI could say..

Why is it? When those poeple who are loud and does 50% evil got more friends and a lot of attention in contrast with those are purely nice and calm. Is this kind of world more attracted and magnified with dark personalities, loud mouths, and evil thoughts?

Because if not? Why does an angel always gets hurt in this world full of crisis... Maybe the angel doesnt belong here. If not, there where?

Where should she place herself?

Why is she sad?

Maybe is it because she stopped herself from looking and giving a chance to look at the beauty of the bird?

She did not let her. That's why.

The bird, I saw it earlier.

The forest was in chaos,

Did my best not to look at it,

So I wont lose my focus.

The forest was a little calm,

And the bird was about to fly

Along with his flock.

I slightly turned my back,

Pretended I did not notice any flying one.

But atleast, she is happy.

For once, she saw the bird.

All already searched the whole town for this and still, nowhere to be found. I took me 5 hours to travel back and forth from airport to home ended up with few essentials, namely hairfix, mini plastic drawer for 75php, Solmux, and Mestiza soap. I was worried because I will have to use my old foundation which I dont seem contended with. I did not buy any other alternatives because they are not on my budget.

My Kevin my update about everything. So he called and told me he'll go to SM. He asked if theres something that he can do for me. I told him "yes!". Maybe he could drop by at Watsons store and look for this concealer. Few moments later, he called, told me he was already at my place, he went over and handed me thae Light Shade Maybelline Fit Me Concealer 😭😭😭❤ I really need this! If I only decided to go directly to SM instead of Gmall, then I'd already be home at 4 instead of 5:30pm.

He deserves all the great things in life. He deserves all amazing surprises for he is a great man like no other. He is rarely one of a kind.

This was one of the best ways that I could express my love and appreciation for him. Through a simple bedtime dinner. What made it so simple was that the materials that I used to prepare were resources from my Lola's birthday party that I used to organize. The candle, cake platform, the Christmas lights, and the happy birthday lighting standee (the red shawl was a gift from my auntie). What made it simply amazing was that fact that these were all used and reused to create a romantic art!

I dont want to say this but whu cant i be like the others?? Good in communicating, loves talking so much, loves to be around other people. Funny, dirty minded with a good sense of humor, lovely, energetic, and people loves them to be around. They are always the center of the attraction even if they did not request to have it.

I always let go of this emotion, time and time, this anxiety and everything that it is is trying to break me. Since then, when i was still young, was trying so good and so hard to stand strong, alone.

A lot has surely noticed that i keep mu distance from them. But why arent any of them tried to reach out and asked me why?? Thats when i thought, that when i die, i know maybe only 1 or 2 or 3 will cry.