it’s hard to put all my thoughts into short simple sentences. love is hard. this past week i’ve been doing a lot of thinking of what i’m lacking or what i’m doing wrong. i strongly feel that i have the capacity to hold and give a lot of love, and i guess in some senses too much love. i’ve been told not to waste my energy on people who don’t reciprocate it back. but how do i do it if i just have so much love for that person. he’s probably the first and last thing i think about when i wake up and go to sleep. i guess i check my phone often to see if i get lucky to get a text or a phone call. i hate the feeling of being “too much” for someone. i would do anything in a heartbeat to make this person happy. i know this person is currently dealing with a lot of stuff and i really just wanna be there for him. i want him to be happy, i want to be his comfort, and i wish i could receive the amount of love he gets not only from me but from others around him. i sometimes feel selfish when i want certain things. i’m confused if it is necessarily a bad thing or not. tbh sometimes i wanna be shown off, i wanna be his number one girl and want him to shout it. i want him to be proud of me and i want him to appreciate me a little more. am i asking too much? i try not to ask for it because i don’t want to be an annoyance. i never mean to do any harm, cause any stress or hurt, but sometimes my words get misconstrued. its tough. i guess i really need to follow thru with my words and do less, like leave space for him to miss me. i know its gonna be hard cuz i get really antsy. i want him to think about me, ask me about my day, communicate with me, and just show a little more. ugh. it’s really conflicting and i’m really doing my best to be as understanding as possible. i just don’t wanna walk on eggshells. at the end of the day when i look at things realistically, i can’t force someone to want me and make me their comfort. i feel like i keep going back and forth with myself and idk if i’m lowkey stressing myself out over something stupid. i feel dumb. i thought i was gonna feel better typing this shit out but i kinda do but i kinda don't at the same time. i’m not as poetic as a used to be. i’ll just stop here. i don’t even know where i’m going anymore & now i feel like i look bad. both of us are right and wrong. idk.












