I want what I can not have. It's the wanting that drives me. When I had it, I still wanted more. A taste of you wasn't enough
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@ninj4kat
I want what I can not have. It's the wanting that drives me. When I had it, I still wanted more. A taste of you wasn't enough

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I know i am doing this wrong
But I don't care. I am trying to be more social so i joined reddit, tumblr, and a discord server.... BUT i also turned notifications off, so any posts that I comment on or put out there are really old by the time i can check in again... what else am I supposed to do when i have limited free time and also child rearing responsibilities?
In Progress
I miss your kiss
your hands in my hair
the look in your eyes, laying next to you
That feeling
CW:Sexual assault; Violence
I went to a poetry reading for sexual assault awareness month. these are some musings that occurred after reflection and dialogue. Someone mentioned being âbraveâ and I commented that i wished we didnât have to be brave. after going home, I have looked up the definition of âbraveâ. to paraphrase: Brave is having or showing strength to face fear.
- On being BRAVE
I donât want to be brave; I want to be safe,
To the man with the badge: I am not supposed to be afraid of you,
To the man who shared my last name, I wasnât supposed to have to be strong against you
I donât want to be brave, but i am strong
I donât want to be brave, but I have courage,
I donât want to be brave, and I donât want you to feel alone
I will be brave, for those who canât speak out
I will show strength, even though I have fear
I AM brave, though I donât want to be,
You ARE brave, though I wish you didnât have to be
- In Honor of Vocal Survivors
I sat and listened to them,
They gave voice to my fear
They gave words to my feelings
They gave support, They gave courage
They gave solidarity and safety, They gave validation
They said âMe too.â
- On the paradox of survivor-hood
Why do I shield the ones that have hurt me?
Protect those that failed to save me?
It started so young, it lasted so long
The bruises faded, the scars have yet to heal
I still flinch at a raised hand
I still panic in the shadow
I hate when you yell, I fear when you stop
They say âSilence is Goldenâ yet silence is violence
This last one is still a work in progress, which all my musings are
I cannot yet speak their names
Some names leave me in cold fear, other names I do not know
Some days I try to forget;Â Some days I try not to feel
Writing Advice: by Chuck Palahniuk In six seconds, youâll hate me. But in six months, youâll be a better writer. From this point forwardâat least for the next half yearâyou may not use âthoughtâ verbs. These include: Thinks, Knows, Understands, Realizes, Believes, Wants, Remembers, Imagines, Desires, and a hundred others you love to use. The list should also include: Loves and Hates. And it should include: Is and Has, but weâll get to those later. Until some time around Christmas, you canât write: Kenny wondered if Monica didnât like him going out at nightâŚâ Instead, youâll have to Un-pack that to something like: âThe mornings after Kenny had stayed out, beyond the last bus, until heâd had to bum a ride or pay for a cab and got home to find Monica faking sleep, faking because she never slept that quiet, those mornings, sheâd only put her own cup of coffee in the microwave. Never his.â Instead of characters knowing anything, you must now present the details that allow the reader to know them. Instead of a character wanting something, you must now describe the thing so that the reader wants it. Instead of saying: âAdam knew Gwen liked him.â Youâll have to say: âBetween classes, Gwen had always leaned on his locker when heâd go to open it. Sheâs roll her eyes and shove off with one foot, leaving a black-heel mark on the painted metal, but she also left the smell of her perfume. The combination lock would still be warm from her butt. And the next break, Gwen would be leaned there, again.â In short, no more short-cuts. Only specific sensory detail: action, smell, taste, sound, and feeling. Typically, writers use these âthoughtâ verbs at the beginning of a paragraph (In this form, you can call them âThesis Statementsâ and Iâll rail against those, later). In a way, they state the intention of the paragraph. And what follows, illustrates them. For example: âBrenda knew sheâd never make the deadline. was backed up from the bridge, past the first eight or nine exits. Her cell phone battery was dead. At home, the dogs would need to go out, or there would be a mess to clean up. Plus, sheâd promised to water the plants for her neighborâŚâ Do you see how the opening âthesis statementâ steals the thunder of what follows? Donât do it. If nothing else, cut the opening sentence and place it after all the others. Better yet, transplant it and change it to: Brenda would never make the deadline. Thinking is abstract. Knowing and believing are intangible. Your story will always be stronger if you just show the physical actions and details of your characters and allow your reader to do the thinking and knowing. And loving and hating. Donât tell your reader: âLisa hated Tom.â Instead, make your case like a lawyer in court, detail by detail. Present each piece of evidence. For example: âDuring roll call, in the breath after the teacher said Tomâs name, in that moment before he could answer, right then, Lisa would whisper-shout âButt Wipe,â just as Tom was saying, âHereâ.â One of the most-common mistakes that beginning writers make is leaving their characters alone. Writing, you may be alone. Reading, your audience may be alone. But your character should spend very, very little time alone. Because a solitary character starts thinking or worrying or wondering. For example: Waiting for the bus, Mark started to worry about how long the trip would takeâŚâ A better break-down might be: âThe schedule said the bus would come by at noon, but Markâs watch said it was already 11:57. You could see all the way down the road, as far as the Mall, and not see a bus. No doubt, the driver was parked at the turn-around, the far end of the line, taking a nap. The driver was kicked back, asleep, and Mark was going to be late. Or worse, the driver was drinking, and heâd pull up drunk and charge Mark seventy-five cents for death in a fiery traffic accidentâŚâ A character alone must lapse into fantasy or memory, but even then you canât use âthoughtâ verbs or any of their abstract relatives. Oh, and you can just forget about using the verbs forget and remember. No more transitions such as: âWanda remembered how Nelson used to brush her hair.â Instead: âBack in their sophomore year, Nelson used to brush her hair with smooth, long strokes of his hand.â Again, Un-pack. Donât take short-cuts. Better yet, get your character with another character, fast. Get them together and get the action started. Let their actions and words show their thoughts. Youâstay out of their heads. And while youâre avoiding âthoughtâ verbs, be very wary about using the bland verbs âisâ and âhave.â For example: âAnnâs eyes are blue.â âAnn has blue eyes.â Versus: âAnn coughed and waved one hand past her face, clearing the cigarette smoke from her eyes, blue eyes, before she smiledâŚâ Instead of bland âisâ and âhasâ statements, try burying your details of what a character has or is, in actions or gestures. At its most basic, this is showing your story instead of telling it. And forever after, once youâve learned to Un-pack your characters, youâll hate the lazy writer who settles for: âJim sat beside the telephone, wondering why Amanda didnât call.â Please. For now, hate me all you want, but donât use thought verbs. After Christmas, go crazy, but Iâd bet money you wonât. (âŚ) For this monthâs homework, pick through your writing and circle every âthoughtâ verb. Then, find some way to eliminate it. Kill it by Un-packing it. Then, pick through some published fiction and do the same thing. Be ruthless. âMarty imagined fish, jumping in the moonlightâŚâ âNancy recalled the way the wine tastedâŚâ âLarry knew he was a dead manâŚâ Find them. After that, find a way to re-write them. Make them stronger.
(via 1000wordseveryday)

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