wild child

“you’ll find a way to go on, ash, you always do.” he says this time his face softens a bit as he looks at her, looking at her more lovingly than before. “it’s a good show so we can’t even deny it.” he shrugs before sitting back in his chair, rocking back and forth on it. “i feel like i am a mix of michael and jim at all times.”

“i don’t think you’ve ever lied a day in your life.” holden jokes before letting out a bit of a laugh. “sadly, not. you’ve gotten my expectations way too high, actually. now i can never hear a better story than what you will ever tell me.” he laughs as he runs his hand through his hair, leaning back against his chair and sighs. “the office again? what is this? the 7th - 8th time? i think you have a problem. “i would not, the office is a great show.”

“well let’s count today as the first then.” she rolled her eyes, but she knew he was right, she hated the way lying made her feel and ashton knew he would probably make fun of her endlessly if she ever admitted it out loud. “wow, i’m shocked. you’ve now ruined my day, how can i ever go on.” the brunette exaggerated a sigh as she looked back down to the notes she no longer seemed to care about. “probably around the 8th, i stopped keeping track because it’s really sad how many times i’ve seen it. it’s kind of sad actually.” she laughed. “i can quote most episodes at this point.”

“i am? well that means a lot to me.” holden finds himself smirking as he looks at her. he wants to make a joke about her leaving his life ( his only coping method when things go wrong in his life ), but he knows that it’d be misconstrued very easily as something else so holden swallows it back and just flashes her a smile. “more interesting than you? i haven’t found that person – not yet anyway. so come on, tell me some of your interesting stories, ash.”

“of course, how could i ever lie about something like that?” her smile grew, and she found herself becoming more and more relaxed as the conversation went on. it was like not a day had passed where they hadn’t spoken to each other. “oh come on, i’m sure you have it has been a while.” her voice was soft, “but what do you want to hear? i’ve done loads of interesting things lately, i reorganized my closet, finished reading another book series. oh, how could i forget about binge watching ‘the office’ yet again?” ashton laughed, she usually preferred to spend most nights home alone with a good book. “i’m sure you’d rather talk about something else.”

“men have massive ego’s that end up ruining their lives? i wouldn’t know what that’s like.” a smirk crawls on his features as he opens his textbook to the right page. “i’ve already read it, thanks though.” he had missed ashton, and he’d be lying if he said the other night with them wasn’t something he thought back on. “very easily, actually.”

“oh i’m sure. you’re the most humble person i’ve ever met.” ashton couldn’t help herself as her lips formed into a small smile. “of course you have.” she muttered, adjusting herself again so she was leaning on the table, her chin resting in her hand. “really?” her eyebrow quirked as she looked into holden’s eyes. she missed this, she missed his company, and she missed being with him. ashton honestly thought the night holden took care of her was just a fluke; they happened to be in the same place and she happened to be incredibly intoxicated. the brunette thought after that they would go back to never speaking, she was happy to see she was so wrong. “i would have thought someone else would be a lot more interesting than me.”

“interesting…” he finds himself trailing off as he picks up a pencil and starts playing with it in his fingers as he looks at her. “who are you reading about? prometheus?” holden didn’t want to make things weird so he did what he did best – just kept talking.  “sounds like fun, i’ve never taken a mythology class.” no – he just reads it for fun instead. “i sat here because you looked oh-so lonely and because there weren’t any other seats open. but, you continue to talk to me and egg me on, have you forgotten how to get me to shut up?” he teases before laughing. “i do, actually.” he takes out his notebook and textbook, placing it on the table. complex variables, actually.” 

“yeah it is.” she smiled at holden, “no we’re working with the concepts of hubris displayed in myths. my final is pretty much a massive essay talking about how men have these massive ego’s that end up ruining their lives.” ashton shook her head. “i would definitely recommend it, you might actually learn something useful.” the girl couldn’t help but smirk as she watched holden’s fingers with the pencil; she remembered how much she missed his company when they weren’t speaking. he always made her smile, no matter how much she wanted to kill him. “i guess it’s been so long i just forgot.” she lied. truly, the blue eyed-girl just missed the sound of his voice. “oh wow that sounds like so much fun, how could you even want to talk to me with all of that work to do.”

“mythology?” his eyebrow softly raising as he looks at her. “what kind of mythology? greek? roman? south asian? tibetan? you gotta be a bit more specific than that, ash.” although he wishes he was joking around he is genuinely curious as to what she’s studying. “i’m not trying to distract you, it’s just friendly conversation. you know – as a studious person you should get better at multi-tasking as well as being able to overcome distractions. what kind of boss would want to hire you with that attitude?” now he was teasing her, and maybe trying to be a dick but that’s a different story. “you’re an A student, i doubt a bad grade on a final will make a difference.”

ashton rolled her eyes, she knew how holden was but she knew it was going to take some time to get used to his attitude all over again. “greek.” she forced herself to sit still in her chair, but her stomach was in knots. the brunette girl was still uncomfortable just talking to the boy, their friendship still needed a ton of work. “it’s just greek mythology, it’s the only one that ever held my interest. it’s probably one of my favorite classes so far.” she couldn’t help but smile a bit as she spoke about what she loved. “seriously? you sat here on purpose, it’s like you live to get on every last one of my nerves.” ashton’s brow furrowed. “it will make a difference to me. i work hard, i don’t want someone else to ruin that.” she smirked, her voice light as she teased holden. “what about you? don’t you have anything else to focus on?”

“oh come on, it was a joke – lighten up.” he rolls his eyes back at her before shaking his head, but ultimately dismissing the conversation when he opened up his laptop, staring at the heaps of online reading material that he had to go through to even be close to ready for this final. “hey, that’s not fair. i can be a good student when i want to be – usually i don’t, now i do. if the sky starts falling then that’s not my problem.” he says as he looks over the laptop, and right at her. “what about you? what are you working on?”

ashton huffed, her pencil now just making small lines on the paper as she was unable to focus on anything now that holden was sitting in front of her. “it was hilarious.” she muttered and put her pencil down, looking back to holden who was peering down at her. “it’s a side of you i haven’t seen a long time.” she said softly, staring up into the boys eyes. “i was attempting to go over my mythology notes,” the brunette girl leaned back again, unable to sit still in his presence. “but i don’t really think that’s going to happen anytime soon.” ashton smiled a bit, remembering the days she loved to be distracted by holden, where she would just stare into those big green eyes and get lost...before she found out he never felt the same way. “it’s okay though, my final grade only depends on it.”

“ouch, that hurt.” he says as he puts a hand over his heart although there’s a wide smile on his features that shows that he’s anything but hurt. there was still some hesitation between them, which in turn made holden make himself more comfortable at the table, taking his laptop out of his bag as he listens to her speak. “oh c’mon, ash, you always look amazing.” he says with a wink. “especially when you walk out and never come back.” although his words might come across serious he’s honestly just teasing the girl, although the joke might not be one that she finds funny. “finals, you know – sometimes i’m serious about my school…only sometimes.”

“oh i’m sure it did.” ashton rolled her eyes and readjusted herself in her chair, trying to find a more comfortable position because it seemed like holden was making himself at home. “you know, for a second i thought you were going to be nice to me, but that was a seriously low blow.” her words were sharp as she went back to her work, trying to ignore the fact that he was there with her now. “wow, doesn’t sound like you, i think you have ulterior motives.” ashton kept her eyes fixed on her paper, but her brow was now furrowed, trying to see if holden was serious about studying. “and if you are actually here to study then the sky is going to start falling at any moment.”

holden didn’t often find himself in the library, and when he did he was usually meeting up with some girl or because it was finals week – and of course, the latter was the reason this time. tired eyes walked into the stale light room with a cup of coffee in one hand and his cell phone in the other. his eyes scan for an empty seat but finds something more interesting instead, he makes his way over, hovering the table with a smirk on his face as he looks at ashton sitting in front of him. “look who it is, i didn’t recognize you out of my bed.” he says, a smirk growing on his features before he sits down, not bothering to ask if it was okay. “how are you feeling? it’s been a minute.”

ashton had felt strange after spending the night with holden; there was so much she knew they needed to talk about but at the time she was a little too drunk to have a serious conversation. instead the girl locked herself away in the library trying to focus on anything but her problems, but when she heard holden’s deep voice a chill ran through her spine. “well, we all know you like girls better that way.” she spoke trying not to let any emotions come through in her voice. ashton looked up at holden, her blue eyes scanning over his face, her heart skipping a beat as she tried to keep cool. the girl leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest. “please, sit.” she muttered to herself. “i’m feeling okay.” her voice was even. “better than the last time you saw me, that’s for sure.” she thought back to the morning after the party, the massive headache she had and the overwhelming urge to throw up constantly. “i know i definitely look better than i did the last time you saw me.” she smirked. “what about you? i’m surprised to see you in here, honestly.”

he should have seen this coming, ashton was an emotional person, holden well, was not. “shhh…” is what he finds himself saying his hand moving up to cup her cheek, his thumb wiping away her tears. how was he really supposed to respond to what she was saying? he was hurt, and felt like crap for what had happened between them but he didn’t hate the girl. “don’t apologize.” he finds himself saying, giving her a slight smile although it’s still dark in the room and he wasn’t sure if she could see.

“there’s nothing to forgive, because there’s nothing to apologize for. it’s fine, we can just move on.” he knew the girl was drunk and was probably just letting it all out because of that. “if you want to that is.” and there in that moment as he looked down at her did the sudden urge to kiss her and hold her come back to haunt him, something he hadn’t felt in a year – something he thought he’d never feel again.

ashton found herself holding back sobs as holden comforted her; she had been gone for so long and he was still showing her incredible amounts of kindness. “i have to apologize.” she frowned and shook her head. the brunette saw the green eyed boy smile and she felt the corners of her lips twitch up; seeing his smile always made her heart swell. she had been dreaming of laying back with holden for a year and now that she was here it was unbelievable. she kept closing her eyes and opening them to see if she was dreaming; but every time holden was still there. “i promise, i’m never doing that again.” she went to wipe her tears but holden was already doing it for her.

“I left you for a year...and i-” she stopped herself, taking a deep breath so she didn’t work herself up. “you can really be my friend again?” she smiled a bit. “i just,,,i miss you so much holden. i don’t want to go without you again.” her voice lowered and she looked down, unable to meet his eyes. ashton didn’t know if it was the alcohol or her feelings but she realized having hi in general was better than not at all. “i’m so sorry.” she repeated. the brunette wasn’t sure how else to tell him all of the things she was thinking.

relief washed over him as she said the words, he didn’t realize he had been waiting to hear them until they were already said. “i won’t.” he whispered, his sharp tongue wanted to make a comment, because of course it did, but he held it back for once in his life. he moved the blankets back and crawled underneath, moving them back to wrap around him as he faced the girl. it was quick that his arm moved around her and pulled her closer to him – something he had done many times before.

he sits and stares at her for a moment, his green eyes moving over her dark features. it was like the waves of feelings just came back up so quickly and forcefully. he had tried to hold back for so long, but it was just coming up again. his hand rests on her back where the slightest bit of skin was sticking out and he finds himself slowly rubbing it. “i’m not going anywhere. okay?”

ashton hadn’t realized she was holding her breath until she exhaled. the girl relaxed when holden crawled into bed with her, he was so familiar and this act was such a great comfort to her. the brunette girl curled her body against holden’s, the light touch of his hands on her bare skin sent shivers down her spine. “i’m so sorry.” she whispered to the boy in front of her. she closed her eyes and shook her head. “holden i am so sorry i just left. i just-” she couldn’t keep it together. she had been doing so well the whole night, not shedding a single tear.

the girl opened her eyes again, holden’s green eyes were staring back at her and she felt the tears starting to fall. “i-i didn’t...” she didn’t know how to explain herself. cutting holden out was the hardest thing she had ever done. the feelings had been slowly building in her chest the entire night but now she felt like she was going to explode. “holden can you ever forgive me for what i did?”

“ashton.” his voice is strong, but not in a mean way he knows he won’t feel right knowing that the girl was asleep on his couch while he was in his bed. “let’s go.” he says before leaning down, somehow managing to wrap his arms around her and pick her up. “no arguing, you’re going to sleep on my bed.” he laughs before holding her tightly and walking her into his room, plopping her down on the bed. he grabs some clothes, some for her and some for himself, handing them to the girl. “you can wear these. i don’t need them back so you can keep them if you want.” he knows (although not personally) that sleeping in a dress is super uncomfortable. “i’ll go get your water and some advil.” he says before shutting the door and walking out.

he changes in the bathroom quickly before heading and grabbing her water and the medicine, knocking on the door before opening it slightly. “do you need anything else?” he asks, moving to put what he had in his hands on the side table next to his bed so the girl could take it either when she woke up in the middle of the night or the next morning.

holden’s voice was commanding and before she knew it she was scooped into the boys arms and in his bedroom. she looked around at it was all exactly how she remembered it. it even still smelled of the same cologne he had apparently kept wearing. “fine, fine.” she muttered as she took the clothes from the boy and waited until the door was shut behind him to change. the brunette kicked off her heels causing her to loose most of her height. she slid on holden’s sweatpants and pulled her dress over hear head to replace it with the t-shirt he had given her. the girl was overwhelmed by the smell of him on the clothes now surrounding her body. she felt tears welling up in her eyes but she tried her very hardest to fight them off before he was back to bring her some water. ashton crawled into holden’s bed and relaxing into the mattress, it was like sleeping on a cloud.

his knocks were quiet, “come in.” she replied just as softly. the girl watched as he walked in the room, giving her everything she needed in a situation like this. she looked down at her hands, they were resting neatly in her lap. she missed this and she missed holden, more than anything. ashton just didn’t know how to tell him; how could she tell him? after all, she was the one who left. ashton shook her head, “i’m good. thank you for everything.” her words were coming out much more clearly now that she had something in her system that wasn’t vodka. the brunette finally looked up to the boy, “please don’t go.”

“it’s just one night.” he points out, although she’s already accepting the invitation and he nods his head. “uh, yeah…” his eyebrow raises as he watches as she tries to get comfortable and can’t help but actually let out a laugh. “it’s cute, you still think that i don’t know when you’re lying. not to mention i’ve slept on this couch enough times to know it fucking sucks.” he laughs again before getting up and standing over her his hands on his hips. “and with how drunk you are, i’ll be up before you – don’t doubt it. so we can do this the easy way or the hard way.” he propositions.

his eyebrow raises up as he stares down at her, his eyes combing over her features as if it’s the last time he’d ever seen them. and maybe in a way it is. he never noticed the pinkness in her lips, or how when she was nervous her lip twitched up slightly and suddenly he wants to reach out and touch her, just to tell her that it’s alright that they can talk it out – but he can’t find the words. “either i tickle you to get you up, or you just let me carry you.”

“you think i’m cute.” ashton giggled as she pointed a finger at holden. but in truth she didn’t want to move. after eating and drinking she just wanted to stay in the same position, she didn’t want holden to have to give up his bed wither. she had left him for a year, no calls, no texts, nothing and here he was giving up his bed so she could sleep comfortably. “but i’m seriously fine here. this couch is the best couch there ever was.” she laughs again and rests her head back, curling into herself. 

“i’m not moving, just...please don’t give up your bed for me. i’ll sleep better if you’re in there.” she bats her eyelashes and pushes out her bottom lip to her best puppy dog face. the brunette hoped it was something that would still work on the boy. “i happen to enjoy this spot right here. it’s the best one in the whole house.” the girl was now in a ball resting on his couch, still looking up at him. he looked frustrated almost at her refusal, and  she just smiled. “i’m okay. now shhh, it’s time to sleep.” she said softly, her eyes fluttering closed again.

because when i do people leave, example a – you. it’s what he really wanted to say, but he just shrugged it off before it became a bigger to-do than it needed to be. he finished off his plate and set it down on the table in front of him before leaning back again. her words cause him to look back over at her and he couldn’t help the frown that landed on his features. was she really being serious? actually, yes she was. 

“i’m not calling your dad.” he responds, shaking his head slightly. “he’s probably asleep and you’re going to be sick in the morning, it’d be easier to just stay here.” he says, a lot softer than his tone had been with her. “you can stay in my room i’ll sleep on the couch, it’s not a big deal, really.” deep down he wanted her to stay because he missed her, and maybe because the feelings that he hid deep down started to resurface a tiny bit. his green eyes watched her carefully for a moment before he opens his mouth to speak again – a please almost coming out but he’s quick to shut his mouth, shaking his head slightly to himself.

holden never responded to her, and she truly thought it was his way of agreeing with her but she wasn’t going to push him too hard. those were the times she had seen holden more distant, when someone tried to push him into opening up. it wouldn’t be good for the either of them so the drunk girl tried her absolute hardest to keep her mouth shut.

“i don’t know if it’s a good idea that i stay.” she whispered looking to holden, her eyes fixated on his. but she listened to him and nodded. her dad was probably sound asleep before getting ready to leave early in the morning to head to work. “i’ll stay, but i’m sleeping here.” a year ago she would have fought holden to sleep in his bed while he was stuck on the couch but now she felt weird about taking his bedroom. before he could argue ashton laid back,  “it’s really comfortable out here.” she lied and forced a small smile. she was sure she looked a mess but she didn’t care. it was strange to her that she was put in this situation. a few months ago she wold have killed to have some time with holden, to spend the night at his house and to enjoy each others company, now, she was trying to shove her feelings away so much that she couldn’t enjoy their time together. “but i’ll be out early tomorrow morning, it’ll be like i was never here.”

“of course you didn’t.” he seemed to mumble to himself before he starts to eat. he can tell she’s staring at him but he ignores it, just continues to eat. he should have expected her to start talking, he forgot how chatty she got when she was drunk – mostly because they were seldom drunk together even when they were friends. holden turns slightly and stares at the girl as she speaks, his green eyes narrowing slightly as she speaks, a sigh leaving lips. no good deed went unpunished and now he had to listen to ashton mumble accusations about the boy. drunk. great.

“i think you’re drunk and just think you know everything.” he says it in a teasing manner although his facial expression doesn’t match. “i also think that i just wanted to talk about what happened between us and somehow i turned out to be the bad guy.” holden shrugs before taking another bite of his food. “listen, i don’t want to fight about it again, so let’s just – not.” he says before the conversation can continue, turning away from her, taking a sip of his water.

ashton rolled her eyes, even though she knew every word of what holden was saying was true. originally she saw herself as the bad guy, as the one he should have hated, after how he spoke to her she couldn’t help but want to hit him. she was almost positive most people who met him felt the same way. “you’re the bad guy because you act like you don’t care about anything.” she pointed her fork at holden as she rolled her eyes. “i know you do. but it’s like you have to make people think you have a heart of ice. so yeah, you’re the bad guy.” she shook her head before finishing off her plate. “but fine, we don’t talk about it anymore.” you’re never good at talking about something you care about.

ashton watched as holden continued to eat and drink like this was an everyday activity for them. once upon a time it was, but now this was strange. ashton felt almost uncomfortable sitting in his home, eating his food, and possibly spending the night with him. she was too drunk to move, so instead the girl took long deep breaths to try to calm the nervous feeling in her stomach; it didn’t work. the uneasiness never left her body and she couldn’t tell if it was the alcohol or holden’s presence, either way she wanted it to end. “maybe i should just call my dad to come pick me up.”

“i answered that already.” he says coldly, although he doesn’t mean to. he sighs, wiping his hand over his face as he searches through the fridge. “sorry.” his voice croaks out, this time much softer although he offers no other explanation afterwards. holden turns the stove on before he’s filling up two glasses of water, one he takes a sip of, the other he brings to the girl and sets it down on the table next to her.

he’s quick to move back to the kitchen, staying quiet as he cooks something up for the both of them. he hums to himself, trying to think about anything other than the girl that’s in the room over. he spots his phone going off in the corner of his eye and ignores it, knowing it’s probably his friends yelling at him for leaving when a girl was trying to hook up, he’d get to it later. the food finishes cooking and he grabs two plates, placing it in the respective ones before moving back to ashton. “here you go.” he says as he hands her the plate, moving to sit on the seat next to her, putting his feet up on the table and starting to eat.

“i didn’t like you answer before.” ashton pouted at the boy as he brought her some water. holden wasn’t one to show kindness to everyone. in fact, their first interactions were much like the one ashton was experiencing, from what she could recall anyway. “it’s fine. i’m used to that tone from you by now.” she shrugged her shoulders and reached over to the table for her glass, taking tiny sips of water as she watched the boy cook.

the brunette wondered if her friends were looking for her, or if they had even noticed she was gone. both of them were as drunk as she was, so she was sure she would just get a text in the morning to make sure she was alive. before she knew it holden was plopped down next to her and she had a plate of food handed over. “thankyou.” her ashton’s voice was soft and her words still melded together slightly because of the alcohol in her system. ashton found herself staring at holden rather than eating anything he had cooked; everything about him was appealing. his luscious dark hair, his emerald green eyes, and his beautifully sculpted lips. it was like everything he did was attractive and she hated him for it. “you know, i thought you were even more of an ass than i remembered, but i think it’s an act.” ashton had this wild concept that when she drank, she knew everything about everyone. the brunette picked up her fork and began shoveling food into her mouth. “i think your just your usual ass-y self. normal level of ass, ya know?” she couldn’t help but giggle at her own terrible joke. 

his eyes moved to look at the girl who found herself soundly asleep as they neared the end of their trip, of course. he didn’t want to touch her in fear she’d wake up and wouldn’t be able to sleep again, but when the car stopped he knew he had to get her out. “ash,” he whispered, moving his hand to her shoulder, rubbing her shoulder slightly. “ash, we’re here.” her breathing was soft but was enough to let him know she was still breathing. holden apologized to the driver as he opened the door to the car, moving to stand up in between the car and the open door and slowly pulled her (as softly as he possibly could) towards him. with the right leverage he hooked his hands underneath her and was able to pick her up, a small grunt leaving his lips as he does. 

shutting the door with his foot he makes his way into his building, walking until he stopped in front of his room. oh right. he had to get in. “hey, i need to put you on your feet.” he whispers as he moves to put her down, his free arm holding her closely so she was still close to his body. somehow managing to open his door he walked the two into the house. “c’mon, come sit on the couch. you need to eat and drink water before you head to bed.” he says before laying her down, propping her up slightly so she didn’t pass out, moving some of her hair out of her face before he moves to the kitchen to start making her something to eat.

ashton could barely bring herself to open her eyes as she heard holden’s soft voice try to urge her up and out of the car. walking was going to take her a moment, but before she could move holden’s hands were on her and she was being pulled out of the car and he lifted her gingerly. the brunette’s head rested on his broad shoulder, her eyes stayed closed tight not wanting to open them just yet. she didn’t want to wake up fully, the girl wanted to be asleep for the night, so she could wake up and have every single interaction with holden just be some sick, twisted dream. “okay.” she managed to get out of her mouth as holden placed her on the ground, but most of her body weight was still being supported by him. ashton’s knees we’re wobbly and her steps were more stumbles than anything else. she had hoped the car nap would sober her up even the slightest bit.

the brunette was sitting on the couch, her eyes now wide open as she examined where she was. holden’s living room. everything was still exactly how she remembered it, it didn’t seem like anyone had moved anything since the last time she was there. she turned over her shoulder and looked to the open kitchen, watching as holden prepared her something to eat. never did she imagine herself back in the boys house let alone him waiting on her hand and foot. “holden.” she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper. “why did you bring me here?”