들리나요?

...

the taller watches dooyoung stumble into the bed and oh man, suddenly muscles burn in tiredness as if they would give in any second .   a mental note is written to not forget to take more painkillers tomorrow or else he’d be in the position of another explanation .   his conversation with jiwon deferred to until later when dooyoung is gone .   maybe he should just follow his friend home to avoid the interrogation .  it’s not far fetched when he would lie and say he needed space from his cousin and well, even if seongil doesn’t agree … in dooyoung’s eyes it’s possible the mentioned believes he does owe seongil after this night .

it has been the second time this week where the younger has to handle dooyoung drunk.    is he supposed to worry already ?   back in high school, they used to go out even more but with time and age certain habits naturally change .   at least seongil has observed quite a few changes with some of his friends during the recent years which have passed .  however aren’t such expectations the reason to have these habits always return .   your age measured against the majority .    why aren’t you married ?!  at your age i (…) you should act with more responsibility ! when i was your age i  (…)  yada yada .  what is wrong about being the odd one out ?  for that most people worry you’re sick instead of thinking you’re happy where you are .

his heart tingles with calmness at the other’s cloying sentimentality  ─  while seongil grabs dooyoung’s ankles and turns him around so he’d be laying properly in bed   » if you don’t stop apologising i feel like i’ve burdened you by taking you in .  instead of being supportive and a good friend . «   a turn on his heels has the remote within reach, which seongil drops next to the older before switching the tv on .  all the interior’s design comes from jiwon’s taste .  a couple of years ago they lived in his parents’ mansion but this place is at the other end of seoul .   they rarely visit them and vice versa .  although his own room is the single area seongil has been allowed to design himself .   » relax, younggie .  i’ll fetch you nice and comfy clothes .  in the meantime enjoy yourself and drink water. i will sleep, when you’re ready ─ promise . «

approximately 5 minutes does it take him and he returns, a sweatpants and oversized shirt dangles down his arm .   seongil has changed his clothes too, one step closer to stealing his way into dooyoung’s bed . and throws the chosen fabrics on the sommelier’s face after which he joins him in a jump and sits down on the blanket  » hurry and get your clothes off ─ or do you need me to lend you a hand ?! «  his tone is rascal at the end .  fingers dance along dooyoung’s shoulders and pinch the red of his cheek teasingly, finishing the mocking in a light snort .

for some reason, the heaviness of this moment suddenly feels... lifted. it’s late and of course, dooyoung will feel more sensitive considering the alcohol is slowly waring off. who doesn’t? seongil giving him subtle validation is a relief on its own. soft, deeper-toned giggled escape under the drunk’s breath once the other drags his entire body to lay him the proper way. he’s not sure if it’s because seongil wants to slide beside him or if he’s just messing around—either way, he won’t apologize under seongil’s word. his wish is his command. “mm... i’m sor— i mean,” he cracks a giggle at his own slip up, “okay, okay. i’ll shut up. you’re such a good fucking friend, are you kidding me?” each word is on the verge of slurs. dooyoung’s speech is improving slowly and it’s probably evident in seongil’s eyes.

“good friend. always have been, always will be.” now he’s practically slipping out random nonsense at this point. dooyoung shifts his entire body to where he’s laying on his side, facing his friend right on the bed, white sheets still pouring over his face. it’s not long before seongil offers a fresh spare of clean clothes for dooyoung to sleep in for the night. his head peeks up at the sight and he’s aware it’s his cue for him to force himself up so he can change. he fails miserably though—dooyoung only makes it... halfway. lazy moans and groans later, the sommelier is given the surprise that he was expecting. he jumps at the throw of clothes though. “yah, yah, this is how you treat your guests?” the drunk exclaims in a playful way. 

he’s playful because he knows he’s blessed right now. no one would dare do this much for dooyoung.

another impulsive chuckle is heard from the older male. “haha, what the hell seongil, what are you suggesting?” are his cheeks flushed due to the alcohol or the sudden wave of bashfulness? dooyoung can’t recognize what’s what anymore, there’s no point in questioning it. his shoulders perk up at the unexpected touch due to him feeling ticklish, followed by another flat chuckle. 

“i know, i know, i’m a mess but i can still change my clothes. i’m a big boy remember? please.” now, dooyoung faces his back towards seongil to prevent any sort of eye contact while changing. now that will cause him to blush a little bit. seongil’s quite brave staying in the room while he does this, anyway. moments later, dooyoung’s found pulling his top over his head, his back tattoo now exposed. he’s not necessarily thinking about his ink right at the moment, he’s clearly strict on keeping focused on each piece of clothing. one at a time. 

the shirt has a distinctive smell. between the laundry soap and seongil’s individual scent, dooyoung feels safe in it. it’s a weird sensation to describe. he won’t confess how much he likes it though.

about two minutes later and dooyoung’s changed completely. he’s sure that his thigh tattoo was exposed too but that’s not important too right now. the television is filling in the silence between the two. there wouldn’t be a doubt in dooyoung’s mind that seongil probably caught a glance once or twice. or thrice. folding his day clothes nicely next to the bed, dooyoung finally rests himself on the bed. the shirt chosen is quite oversized as well, exposing his collarbone ink just a little bit. not too much—unless seongil’s eyes were glued to his chest, they won’t be noticed easily. a sigh leaves dooyoung’s lips, downing the next water bottle offered to him. a few moments of silence is finally broken.

it’s quiet but warm. close and intimate, almost. the alcohol is definitely waring off.

...

soon they’d pull into seongil’s driveway, the lights in jiwon’s office are switched on .  » i’m not sure but weren’t you more chubby in high school ?   you lost some weight ─ wouldn’t say you’re fat anymore . as for the rest, it might be debatable . «    impassive is one of the ways to describe seongil’s voice, his mind certainly elsewhere but why ?   it’s not like jiwon would outright tell dooyoung : hey, did you know we’re killing people for a living ?!  and we’re not even questioning it, yay !  because this really would be ridiculous .    so the boys enter without any fair warning and of course jiwon wouldn’t be in his office anymore ─ he prefers to keep the lights on in a couple rooms when he’s alone .  but at one special desk he sits,  where his cousin’s able watch tv and the villa’s entrance comfortably in the exact same second .

» who’s this ? «  jiwon doesn’t even move his head, nose, eyebrow  ─  any sign of emotion .

» a friend from old days . «

» old days ? «

» nothing special . «

» hmm, what’s your name ? «   jiwon points at dooyoung with a half-eaten carrot . rather than popcorn, the man would choose to eat a bag of healthy snacks .

whether he actively heard dooyoung’s introduction or not, jiwon doesn’t display any pulled features to give them their answer, nor does he obviously feel obligated to return such formality . probably has to do with the whole idea of dooyoung invading his own home .  if he wanted to know, it’s on seongil to share names and other news .  the youngest however feels relieved he can skip the part for later .

» there’s still sweet chicken in the fridge, if you guys want to . «   and this is taken a reason to leave for the older .   finally finished with paper work, he yawns, strolling past them .    » gil, i won’t be here in the morning .   maybe you could make us some lunch . «

a few steps taken and jiwon pauses .  not turning on his heels but he obviously contemplates . thoughts rattle loudly, still seongil feels as if he’s alone in hearing them .   teeth bury further into sensitive lips, whilst fingers curl around the fabric of his sleeves .

» do me a favour and keep an eye on your phone, little cousin . «  expectably, an order drowsily rolls off the other’s tongue, before jiwon leaves them alone in closing .

teeth unclench, escaping seongil’s notice while they do .   he did not pay attention to their miserable position in his irritating tension .

» we should go upstairs .  follow my lead .  the room also has a mini fridge, it’s the only one to have plenty of water in store . «

“i wasn’t chubby... i think i was just... more.. m’thicker. i lost weight in college. it’s funny y’mention it.”

upon arriving, dooyoung can’t remember the last ten minutes of the ride home. it’s all blur thanks to his mind occupied in an endless battle with his own thoughts. he thankfully snaps out of it, and right now, he’s secretly hoping that those few moments of silence doesn’t burden how they’ll approach each other later. dooyoung’s a guest in his home after all—the last thing he wants is for seongil and himself to have nothing but an awkward tension in between them. blinks once, blinks twice, and suddenly a light turns on in one of the upstairs rooms. he’s too drunk to realize the fact that seongil doesn’t live alone after all. somehow, in his mind, there’s a conscious switch that flickers on. don’t act like a fool as a fucking guest, dooyoung.

in the midst of the jiwon’s abrupt introduction, the drunk remains silent the entire time as a pretending act to seem shy. as a matter of fact, he’s downed way too much alcohol tonight and he doesn’t want give the stranger that appalling impression. he bows once upon noticing jiwon to the split second the pair are alone again. seongil knows he’s saving him the embarrassment (but in reality, he’s preventing a disaster by speaking for dooyoung—just in case). thankfully the water bottle saved his damn life for now he’s feeling closer to sobriety each passing minute. 

“oh my god... did i look like a fool? i feel like a fool—” dooyoung impulsively whispers in seongil’s direction after jiwon is long gone. he knows damn well he didn’t peep a single word (minus his name and a brief greeting). he remained polite, but due to jiwon’s intimidating behavior, he couldn’t help but ask the other. is this how people feel when they talk to me? jesus christ. 

upstairs? great. as if this venture up to where they need to be couldn’t get any more complicated. to be secure while taking each step, dooyoung lightly grips onto the fabric of seongil’s top, eyes glued to his feet the entire time. it feels like a matter of years before they finally reach to the guest room, and upon opening the door, eye widen immediately. of course, the entirety of the house is the epitome of modern art, but dooyoung couldn’t believe what he was seeing before him. he’s going to sleep in here? he’s too out of it to take it all in right now. in the mean time, all he can mutter under his breath is, “seongil... this... is so pretty. what the fuck.”

has dooyoung mentioned his potty mouth intensifies under the influence? seongil probably remembers. some things never change.

the drunk immediately marks his territory by sitting on the surface of the bed firstly, then seconds later, he slowly drops his entire body without second thought. now laying down completely with legs and feed dangling off the edge, dooyoung can only release a prolonged sigh. “seongil...” he admits, speech not so slurred anymore, “did you... hear me when i thanked you earlier?” god, he sounds like a broken record at this point, but he truly feels like an idiot still. it’s nearly 2 am, seongil just brought in a random stranger (well, to jiwon) inside his home at this ungodly hour—quite frankly, this night could’ve gone worse. way worse than how it progressed. instead of thinking about the negatives, dooyoung shakes his head, drowning his face in the sea of white covers. a muffled yet groggy voice begins to speak once more.

“i hope you’re not mad. or tired. fuck, i really fucked up. i’m really sorry i called you so late.”

another sigh.

...

perhaps the older feels uncomfortable but both should know, they’ve seen and experienced worse .  this situation is vanity compared to what used to be .    the days they’ve spent together following graduation are not worth counting yet .  currently, he can’t prepare himself for what could possibly hit a blow in the future .  maybe they can skip all their troubles with surprising facility .  until then however, seongil will naively tag along, like anyone would upon acquiring their source of happiness .

all which his left for later contemplation . . while the younger clicks his tongue in disagreement .  only shortly after realising dooyoung’s doubts .  » ah, don’t call it that .  you’re a friend, doo .  not a burden .  if anything ─ a pleasure to have around no matter your state . «   being dropped by his company tonight, encouraging words couldn’t cause any further harm .   a subtle yet genuine message for pushing spirits .

» you mean keeping you at my side is more troublesome than having you call and send messages all night long ? «    of course he could turn is phone on mute and ignore the other’s attempts of communicating and meme sharing .   but what if playfulness suddenly turns into an emergency ?  a fatal thought .

» we have enough guest rooms .   one’s right next to me .   a double bed all for yourself . «   an impish grin tugs at his lips . although seongil might behold the secret wish of sharing a bed and talking each other into sleep. nonetheless wants to respect dooyoung’s privacy .

-

at this low moment of night, he sighs into the darkness granting dooyoung’s strained mind time to consider his limited options. let their shadows hide behind the street lights, views in gradient greys behind them. where a lonesome old man is strolling through the alley. full of passion he sings his song from heart .  an echo to take every passerby into a past which never belonged to them . 

-

» c’mon. let me heave you into my new car. «  seongil stresses “new” on purpose though, sure the hint will reach his drunk friend .  if not, he won’t be scared to teach dooyoung a lesson despite their age difference .  and while dooyoung’s still fumbling with the belt, seongil already starts the engine .

seongil reassures him every chance given—if only dooyoung’s concentration wasn’t so blurred at the moment, or else he’d throw them back in return. for now though, dooyoung responds with a slight smirk in attempts to hide it with his water bottle, now half-finished, rim on the edge of his lips. they always say that for every glass of alcohol consumed, you’ll crave twice as much water. they’re fucking right. “mm... okay... only if you say s’...” dooyoung accepts the chewing gum, not opening his mouth to say much else. he’s already feeling it. between the guilt and the heavy weight of discomfort settling in once and for all. he’s forever grateful that the younger willingly brought a water bottle to begin with. perhaps he’ll pester him for more once they arrive to seongil’s home.

after quite some time to process what seongil’s willing to offer, dooyoung sighs to himself due to his stubborn behavior. seongil, at 1 am, promptly gets into his car just to pick up a drunkard that he considers his good friend. he shakes his head at his thought process and the sudden realization that he’s declining help. would dooyoung rather start walking in the bitter cold weather at night? it’s unsafe and unbearable. just fucking take it. “mm... okay. okay. i’ll shut up n’go with you.” 

wait. new? dooyoung’s puzzled suddenly. “that ain’new... seongil? are you trying to trick me? you know i’m not that dumb.” he slurs once more, stepping foot into the vehicle. belt is buckled, mowgli is settled in the back, everything is going somewhat smooth. he’s gotten this far and no damage has been done. an accomplishment, right? dooyoung’s eyes are immediately glued to the raindrops tracing down the window—how each and every drop is painted with vibrant colors of the streetlights. each passing minute, it’s a different color. red, yellow, baby blue, everything that could possible be thought of; neon lights reflect nothing but beauty to dooyoung. he’s secretly hoping seongil isn’t getting the impression that he’s ignoring him, dooyoung’s fogged mind is clearing up even though it isn’t evident on the outside. he still feels guilty though. the sudden quietness gives him the chance to open his mouth and admit whatever’s on his mind right now.

“s'ngil...” he sighs, in the midst of pausing. dooyoung is found fiddling with his fingers, eyes still locked onto the raindrops falling in a rhythm. why is life so unexpected? so tragic? his intentions of staying at a bar tonight was nothing that actually occurred. he didn’t plan on his friends ditching him for random women, he didn’t plan on wasting his hard-earned money he could’ve saved with a bottle of rum back at home, he didn’t plan on staring at the clock hopelessly like his life depended on it. there was no chance that dooyoung could’ve actually made it home tonight. since his home was far from here in walking distance, he considered paying for a cheap 30,000 won motel room instead to sober up and sleep his pain away. his life has come down to this. now he’s in the passenger seat of his friend’s car, unknown of what his life is turning into.

it’s still quiet. dooyoung has delved deep into his thoughts to the point where he could cry, but he won’t. he doesn’t want to worry seongil more than what he has already. seongil still doesn’t even know why he lingered around the bar until the hour of the night. “i just... wanted to say m’sorry. and thank you. i’ll... go with you. home... your home.”

his heart hurts now. overthinking is poisonous.

...

it has already been late but at 12:32 am jiwon bids seongil good night .   surely, he won’t go to bed .  with today’s mission there’s still a lot of paper work to finish for capulet’s tough leader.  though alone, seongil stays outside, breathing in the chilly air and waits for mowgli to join him on the bench .   his furry friend has sneaked outside in the moment where jiwon got back inside .   the two cuddle up and watch some hilarious dog videos as the young hit man takes in another cigarette .

at 1 am seongil promises mowgli this will be their last compilation .  the dog has already fallen asleep whatsoever and hasn’t heard any of it as a familiar name engulfs the entire phone screen.

his heart jumps at the sound of dooyoung’s voice .  on the way outside and mowgli on leash, they continue to talk through mobile .   at least as much as possible for the older .   to be honest he really can’t make out all of the words which the other rolls off his drunken tongue .   plus, under this condition dooyoung’s korean rings funny sometimes .   but it’s all easily forgiven after seongil rounds a corner and allows mowgli to tackle the older, dwelling in his miserable state, by surprise .

» o fair maiden, your escort team has finally arrived . «   seongil announces with a smile .  » drink some of this ── «  and hands dooyoung a bottle full water .  » this really is an odd way, you know ?! you can simply ask when you want to crash at my place, don’t have to do all this . «   a grin now grows even wider and more mischievous, while he drops himself next to his friend, nudging doo’s side .  even the cold stones beneath seongil turn comfortable at an instant and after every breath the world turns slower .

their conversation feels as if it’s years long. dooyoung isn’t sure if seongil is talking to him just to accompany the drunk while he’s outside alone in the bitter cold, but to be honest, he's not in the right position to complain. this is practically making up for the loss of socialization back there in the bar. the conversation’s filled with somewhat small talk and dooyoung switching between sloppy korean and english. could seongil understand a thing? he should be used to it now—as a matter of fact, he was the one to see dooyoung drunk when it was just the two of them. as young, dumb kids. time ticks by and there’s no sight of dooyoung’s groggy voice clearing up anytime soon.

once seongil pulls up into a parking spot, dooyoung can’t stop himself from hiding the tiniest grin. it progressively widens at the sight of the canine glomping into the drunk’s embrace. nothing is better than this. absolutely nothing. “oh god... haha...heh...” his obnoxious habit of giggling under his breath commences once more, “escort team... more like...” he’s suddenly cut off by the younger’s offer. seongil knew how to shut him up immediately. small sips are taken, and in the midst, eyebrows hoist as his eyes look up to engage eye contact with the other. “odd? god, i just... fuckin’... asked for a ride... what’s odd ‘bout it, seongil? huh?” it’s a mystery how dooyoung could maintain his ‘role model image’ at this point. but then again, has he ever maintained said image in the first place?

more sips are taken. “i can go home... i... i promise... i’m fine...” he mutters under his breath, “what do you mean by ‘all this’? you better explain yourself... or else... damn...” truthfully, the fact that seongil reserved time out of his night to attend to dooyoung’s troubles really shows his true colors, but in this state of mind, dooyoung can’t help but overthink the guilt sinking in due to this entirety. “i feel like the biggest fuckin’ idiot in the world, you kn... know that? taking a ride with friends... and they ended up ditchin’ me... what the fuck...” another sip taken.

“i don’ want to burden you anymore than this... sleeping at your place? that’s... asking for trouble. seongil.”

his breath reeks from the consumed alcohol. dooyoung’s shocked that seongil isn’t stepping away to prevent from whiffing that. a quick thing of mouthwash and a pillow? with those basic desires, dooyoung would call it a night after that. even though this night was the epitome of a disaster, he’d be more than willing to confess how it’s turned immediately upside down because of seongil’s company. if only his mind wasn’t so flooded.