Thoughts come crashing down

Wondering off, randomly turning left and right

The weather is getting colder and looks like it might rain

But I have my music and my coat, so I’ll stay out a little longer

I keep thinking I should get home but I feel more at home here, out in my favorite city.

I rather have blisters on my feet and sore legs in the morning than head home right now.

So I keep walking “just a few more blocks” even if I don’t exactly know where I’m going

Everyone’s smiling when a camera is in front of them and

Everyone’s the happiest in the photo they chose to frame.

Not many speaks the truth, not many likes the truth.

They rather show their best than show themselves.

But that can get hard to keep up so they stress behind doors and pretend all is well when they step outside.

I know it all too well. I know people around me right now is one of them.

Before lust and love, I want trust and support.

When I think of relationships, I want friendship first.

So I made a list to always remember.

I want to become like the people I admire,

Without the traits of people I loathe.

I was in shock from the list that I wrote,

From how long it is though how much I learned from them the most.

I don’t want to be a cheater

I don’t want to be a liar

I don’t want to be an addict

I don’t want to be a stealer

I don’t want to be over confident

I don’t want to be an angry person

I don’t want to be a bully

I don’t want to be ignorant

I don’t want to be violent

I don’t want to be abusive

I don’t want to be blindsided

I don’t want to be embarrassed

I don’t want to be anxious

I don’t want to be hurt

I don’t want to be sad

I don’t want to be numb

And my god,

I don’t want to be in the past

I’m eager to learn more.

I want to know more.

I want to ask what you’ve learned,

It’s like the only reality I can actually see.

What my friends care about;

They want marriage,

More money,

Better image,

And call them honey

But that’s not what I want…

I want to feel the air

From the highest cliff

Smell the ocean

Listening to breaking waves

To let it all out

From the top of my lungs

All of my emotions

Echoing through the woods

For once in life

I want to live naturally

I want to feel freely

The way the earth made us to be

From the top of my lungs

I’ll shout it out loud

All that I feel

I feel lonely tho I need to be alone

I hope that I’m not alone

I want a simpler mind simpler life

Like a bird flying through the sky

I want to catch the air above the cloud

And feel what freedoms like

Sometimes we hate our flaws

Sometimes we just hate ourselves

But we have to live with it or embrace it,

Choose to survive or live life

So when you don’t want to be human,

Feeling lonely but want to be alone

Know that you’re not alone.

When the moon’s setting in

And everyone’s asleep,

Trying not to wake anyone

Even though you’re falling apart

When you see the pain in their eyes,

Bleeding out loud

Their face betraying the words of

“I’m fine, don’t worry”

Find a way to let them know,

She looked exactly the same and I looked completely different than I used to

I looked at her and tried to greet her but she didn’t look at me.

All the memories from that time were flashing before my eyes

The hate, the humiliation, the pain.

You don’t know how much longer you can hold on

Or how much you want to hold on

So it doesn’t seem like I have much to lose today

I wish I had a friend that holds me at night

And wakes me up when dreams give me a fright

But half of them just wants my body

Others just hate my body

Their words betray me and then destroys me

So it doesn’t seem like I have much to lose today

You start wondering how to numb the pain

You start thinking how many more days

You start making a list of things to do

Before going away

So it doesn’t seem like I have much to lose today

But today isn’t forever