R E T I R E D

“Disgusting.” Mason held a straight face until he couldn’t any more.

“My thoughts are do what you gotta do. Gotta fight hardcore with hardcore, yeah?”

“What if I use up all the hardcore and then we end up with a softie? You know, a rom-com loving, let’s-cry-it-out kind of human?”

harrietofwaverly‌:

“More like rosé.”

“But non-alcoholic, right?”

“Yeah, because I think the whole one-glass-of-wine-sometimes thing is kind of not a thing. No offense if Elaine did it.”

“Well yeah, but what the hell are you tryna do between them besides sit and wait?”

“Um.”

“I mean, sit and wait. I guess.”

Mason might as well have been out of the bed now. He swung his legs over the side and scooted closer to Regan. “Why don’t you get some water and sit down a second. Just take everything in and regroup.”

“No...” Regan trailed off, her mind already elsewhere. “I mean yes, water, definitely, but---” She grabbed her phone and opened the timer app, then handed it to Mason. “We have to time it all, right? Like how long the contractions last, and how much time is in between---all that.”

It wasn’t as though it was unexpected. If a moment had come in the past four months when Mason wasn’t thinking about the child they were about to be responsible for, it hadn’t registered with him. But the fact that it was happening now, that was not reality yet. He felt like he was still dreaming, loosely tethered to the world and still a bit fuzzy in the edges of his limbs. He sat up a little straighter and stared at Regan with gaunt, sleep-filled eyes.

“Okay?”

“Did you take notes during those classes, because suddenly I can’t remember any god damn thing I’ve ever learned.”

Mason started awake, staring in panicked confusion as he took in his surroundings. Sitting up slowly, he rubbed his eyes into focus and reached for his phone.

“What time is it?”

Three in the morning, maybe four? What did it matter, anyway? It was a sharp ache that awoke Regan initially, lasting for at least 30 seconds, and she was very certain that the time was now. At least, these contractions didn’t feel like Braxton Hicks (which were already wildly uncomfortable to begin with). 

“Hang on, now, what kind of hardcore? ‘Cause let’s get something straight right  now. I am not giving you meth on your delivery bed or whatever.”

“Your Alabama is showing.”

“But – any chance we can push it to ten?”

“9:30?”

“Um – Pad Thai?”

“Sure,” Elaine replied, not having the faintest idea what Pad Thai is. 

Olivia wasn’t necessarily surprised, but scandalized? Well, yeah. “Really?” Olivia squinted suspiciously. “Peas or squash?”

“Definitely not peas.” 

harrietofwaverly‌:

“Don’t knock it.”

“That’s like, what, church wine, yeah?”

“Yeah, because I’m familiar with church wine.”

“If it’s the right kinda drugs, I don’t think she’d mind. Some of that herbal shit. Hell, she might have some recommendations.”

“No, I want the real stuff. I’m hard-fucking-core.”

“There’s interesting, and there’s crazy. And crazy might get us a humpty dumpty instead of a kid.”

“We could go the old fashioned way. You know, hospital gown, lots of drugs, very Rachel and Ross from Friends. Just don’t say that in front of Mother Nature,” Regan gestured to the earthy-looking instructor. 

“Guess peas taste better than squash when they’re stringed.”

“Ever tried it?”

“If you would have asked me a few months ago, I would have turned my nose up, but you know what... It’s really not that bad.”

“Well don’t— Wait.” Mason chuckled as he made a grab for Regan’s waist, cackling wholly once he had her securely. “Don’t tell me you’re gonna be using one of these for delivery.”

“Why not? Don’t you want to keep things interesting?”

“Wait. Fuck, don’t let me fall.”