Nicky

I've been talking to someone for 6 months and he has become someone I talk to on a regular basis. However the thing is he doesn't stay in the same country as i do :( I did express my feelings that I am interested in him and he also said if we were in the same country he’ll definitely ask me out, however he doesn’t do LDR.

He recently came back to the country for vacation and we finally met up, I knew it was just gonna be 2 short weeks and I told myself to be more reserved and hold back abit, but I accidentally invested more than I should and now that he already back in his country, I'm sad :(

Me on the other hand, I loved you with all my heart, even more than my own family. Nobody knows how much I loved you, not even you yourself.

That’s why even though it’s almost a year I’m still trying very hard to deal with your abandonment of our family. The ironic thing is you told me you will never do whatever c and r did to hurt me but guess what, you did more damage than both of them combined.

The only reason I’m still alive is because I get myself drunk to sustain my mental health (laughs)

A lot of people ask me why I stopped dating and why I stopped believing in love. The answer is very simple really, when you love and treat someone like family and this person promises you he’ll love you and you’re the only one he wants to be with forever, you trust him with all your heart. However when this person whom you trust the most in the world, someone whom you believe will never ever hurt you abandons you to be with someone else, you don’t really recover from this kind of pain and trauma because it just tells you that whatever you believed in was just nothing but lies and however special your relationship is, is replaceable by something new.

Even if I really recover and meet someone new, when this new person gives the same promise as the previous one, can I really believe him? Can I honestly trust his words? If I know I can’t trust him with all my heart then why will I wanna love him? I don’t want to hurt the next one that comes around and I don’t want to waste his time, Thats why I rather give up on love. Love exists, it’s all around us. I see it I feel it but I’m no longer willing to give my heart to someone else.