make you feel bad.

Sounds like a blast. Are they from around here?

Unfortunately no, but they were fucking goregeous. 

I know. I almost didn’t believe it either, but, it happened. And Victoria Baizen, actually.

Vic Baizen?! Wow, look at you. A girl from the Upper East Side! Vic is great, you'll fall in love with her fast, trust me. That's awesome though. Be on the look out for her brother though. Carter can be a daring motherfucker sometimes and a protective older brother. 

Twins? Fuck, I      as painful as it is to say this, I really can’t. I might be new to this whole dating this around here, but, I just don’t feel like getting the jewels kicked in on the first week.

You're dating? Shit, who? She must be wonder woman, if she got you to commit. 

If you asked me a couple of days ago I probably would’ve been inclined to say yes, but I’m going to have to pass on the girls part. But the drinking part, we could do that and I’ll be your wingman if you need one.

Wait, why? Dude, we could totally grab some hot twins, foreign twins even, because it's the holidays and hot foreign girls are coming to NYC. Damn, that'd be hot. Hot sexy girl twins are god's gift to us. 

Nick, you thought you wouldn’t get caught the first time… You get caught doing this again, you’re going to get sent right back into that fucking place… Yeah well, not anymore.

Okay, okay, fine. You're right, I'm just still jonesing for all that shit still. It'll pass, I know. I'd do anything not to go back to that fucking place. It was rough, bro...Being the youngest guy in there and being known as the rich bitch of the facility wasn't great. 

Uhh.. She’s not really into that kinda thing… And considering you got busted for fucking possession, should you be doing it? God… Uh, right. Yeah. She was always a sweetheart to me and now she’s turned into some fuckin’ hellbeast or something… Still, bet I can get some good shit out of her trying to buy my forgiveness.

Fine, fine, we'll just get shitfaced. Probably not, but I'm not gonna get caught, no worries. Well, she's always been kind of hard on Vic, Vic has always told me that. And aren't you a mama's boy, bro? Ha! And fuck yes, between your dad and mom, you can get a fuckload of money.

You promise, okay! Okay. We can get really drunk. That’ll make everything so much more fun… Ah, yeah. They did. Mom screamed, I screamed back, Dad and I are on…fairly decent terms again… It was weird. Haha, dumbass.

Yes, let's get super fucking drunk. I can even bring some feel good drugs if ya want, but only if ya want. Well, at least you and Papa Baizen are on better terms. Your mom's such a classy lady though, she's always been so sweet to my face, though.

Uh huh. We’ll see about that.

You will. I'll be normal, fuck, I promise! What happened at the hospital? Wait, they visited? I thought they didn't show. And dude, I am in love with you.

For the love of god, do not do that. Just… be normal. And not pervy. Definitely not pervy. That’d be so weird… Jesus Christ…

Dude, I'm all over it. I'll be as normal as fucking apple pie. I'll try, at least. 

He is definitely a pussy, I’m not gonna argue with you on that one.

I really am, bro. I really am. A Florida thing? Well, shit. I'll talk to her in a southern accent if she wants, and I'll wear my Mickey Mouse is My Homeboy shirt? Awesome, I'd love to meet her.

Yeah, he is a giant douche bag. I might hate him more than my dad.

Yeah, at least your dad has enough money to buy the world. My dad always wanted to impress yours. He's a fucking pussy.

Ha, maybe not that far. Your dad can start pulling those strings though.

Oh, yeah, as fucking if. When hell fucking freezes over will that man do anything for me. 

Why would there be drunk girls involved with family time? Sounds like one hell of a twisted Christmas.

Family time is stressful, and what do girls do when they get stressed? Go to the bar with their slutty friends and get drunk. I can be your wingman, bro. 

Superbowl’s gonna look fantastic on this son of a bitch, Callaway.

Fuck yeah! Daddy Baizen is gonna be paying for our trips around the world now? 

Well, while some of us did hard time, others of us adopted a very strict beauty regimen. But it’s good to see that you’ve ditched the jumpsuit, because -contrary to pop culture- orange is not the new black.

Ha! Well, you would know, babe, you're the next---fuck, what's her name? Coca Channel? Whatever the hell her name was, you're the next that chick. Vic's told me you've got all that going on, that's fucking great. Proud of Baby J.