Come On, Peter. Come On, Spiderman.

i’m sorry for making your life more whimsical and serendipitous 🙄

Imagine hearing "go touch grass" from a 16 year old...... go touch a high school diploma

Jokes on you! I graduated early so I got my diploma at 16

For a joke to be on me you would have to be funny

we drink boba tea to satisfy our ancient & innate urge to slurp up tadpoles from a puddle through a reed

no we absolutely do not

yes we do

having to come to terms with the fact that love is not an everlasting performance in which you attempt to retain the attention of your significant other but rather a release of control and putting faith into them and trusting them to choose to stay with you no matter what you have to offer

to love and be loved is to rest

I just realized that Megamind has a goatee but only in the movie itself. not in any of the posters

he shaved for his promotional shots

Auditioned with an old headshot.

happy pride month to this post specifically

Astrology posts are great and all but the real truth is hidden in fortune cookies

Fortune cookie says my pussy is tight

i’m trapped in your attic

listen im not intrested

yall want replies but we’ve had messenger pigeons since the 1800’s???

The last messenger pigeon died in 1914

i just saw a pigeon today?? put a letter on it

Rubix cubes are the single most top selling toys of all time.

"my child is fine" your child is still running their tumblr blog from middle school

i know i talk about pokemon go a lot but like. the summer of 2016 where pokemon go was released? i’ve never seen anything like it in my life. shit was absolutely insane

i gave my phone to a stranger who jumped a fence to get a clefairy that was in a restricted area

it was like the opposite of this last summer