this is me trying

We’re implicitly told that we should consider characters who aren’t canonically aromantic or whose aromanticism is never shown in the source material to represent us. Unless, of course, we want to actually engage seriously with an aromantic interpretation of a character who isn’t confirmed aromantic in canon (people love to recommend Saiki K. as aromantic representation, but if you openly talk about interpreting him as aromantic within fandom spaces, other fans will go out of their way to find examples from the source material of behavior from him that proves you wrong).

Or unless, of course, we want to have a serious conversation about arophobia in fiction. If a character being “unable to understand love” is used to explain why they’re evil, if a character’s apparent disinterest in the gender that they are expected to be attracted to is used to highlight that they are callous and cruel and “psychopathic” (which, I’m sure there’s something to be said there as well about how ableism towards people with personality disorders, especially pwASPD, overlaps with arophobia, but that’s outside the scope of this rambling mess of a post), if a character enjoying sex without romantic attachment is used to paint them as heartless, depraved, manipulative, and impure — these are all things we’re told aren’t arophobic. Because those characters aren’t REALLY meant to be aromantic. It can’t be arophobic if a character isn’t confirmed as aromantic, if they don’t say “I experience little to no romantic attraction” onscreen, if they don’t have a little aromantic pride pin on their shirt. None of this has anything to do with aromanticism, actually, and we’re all just overreacting.

Wrong!!!

I think that Asylum seekers and Migrant workers and The Undocumented and Everyone Else should get free healthcare too

This is going to be VERY long, so: TL;DR: I’m a liberal, I’ve always been a liberal, but that doesn’t mean what a lot of you apparently think it does.

Some of you suspected. Some of you were shocked. Many of you have known me for years, even the majority of my life. We either steadfastly avoided political topics, or I carefully steered conversations away from the more incendiary subjects in the name of keeping the peace. “I’m a liberal” isn’t really something you broadcast in social circles where “the liberals” can’t be said without wrinkling one’s nose.

But then the 2016 election happened, and staying quiet wasn’t an option anymore. Since then, I’ve received no shortage of emails and comments from people who were shocked, horrified, disappointed, disgusted, or otherwise displeased to realize I am *wrinkles nose* a liberal. Yep. I’m one of those bleeding heart commies who hates anyone who’s white, straight, or conservative, and who wants the government to dictate everything you do while taking your money and giving it to people who don’t work.

Or am I?

Let’s break it down, shall we? Because quite frankly, I’m getting a little tired of being told what I believe and what I stand for. Spoiler alert: Not every liberal is the same, though the majority of liberals I know think along roughly these same lines.

1. I believe a country should take care of its weakest members. A country cannot call itself civilized when its children, disabled, sick, and elderly are neglected. Period.

2. I believe healthcare is a right, not a privilege. Somehow that’s interpreted as “I believe Obamacare is the end-all, be-all.” This is not the case. I’m fully aware that the ACA has problems, that a national healthcare system would require everyone to chip in, and that it’s impossible to create one that is devoid of flaws, but I have yet to hear an argument against it that makes “let people die because they can’t afford healthcare” a better alternative. I believe healthcare should be far cheaper than it is, and that everyone should have access to it. And no, I’m not opposed to paying higher taxes in the name of making that happen.

3. I believe education should be affordable and accessible to everyone. It doesn’t necessarily have to be free (though it works in other countries so I’m mystified as to why it can’t work in the US), but at the end of the day, there is no excuse for students graduating college saddled with five- or six-figure debt.

4. I don’t believe your money should be taken from you and given to people who don’t want to work. I have literally never encountered anyone who believes this. Ever. I just have a massive moral problem with a society where a handful of people can possess the majority of the wealth while there are people literally starving to death, freezing to death, or dying because they can’t afford to go to the doctor. Fair wages, lower housing costs, universal healthcare, affordable education, and the wealthy actually paying their share would go a long way toward alleviating this. Somehow believing that makes me a communist.

5. I don’t throw around “I’m willing to pay higher taxes” lightly. I’m self-employed, so I already pay a shitload of taxes. If I’m suggesting something that involves paying more, that means increasing my already eye-watering tax bill. I’m fine with paying my share as long as it’s actually going to something besides lining corporate pockets or bombing other countries while Americans die without healthcare.

6. I believe companies should be required to pay their employees a decent, livable wage. Somehow this is always interpreted as me wanting burger flippers to be able to afford a penthouse apartment and a Mercedes. What it actually means is that no one should have to work three full-time jobs just to keep their head above water. Restaurant servers should not have to rely on tips, multibillion dollar companies should not have employees on food stamps, workers shouldn’t have to work themselves into the ground just to barely make ends meet, and minimum wage should be enough for someone to work 40 hours and live.

7. I am not anti-Christian. I have no desire to stop Christians from being Christians, to close churches, to ban the Bible, to forbid prayer in school, etc. (BTW, prayer in school is NOT illegal; *compulsory* prayer in school is - and should be - illegal) All I ask is that Christians recognize *my* right to live according to *my* beliefs. When I get pissed off that a politician is trying to legislate Scripture into law, I’m not “offended by Christianity” – I’m offended that you’re trying to force me to live by your religion’s rules. You know how you get really upset at the thought of Muslims imposing Sharia on you? That’s how I feel about Christians trying to impose biblical law on me. Be a Christian. Do your thing. Just don’t force it on me or mine.

8. I don’t believe LGBT people should have more rights than you. I just believe we should have the *same* rights as you.

9. I don’t believe illegal immigrants should come to America and have the world at their feet, especially since THIS ISN’T WHAT THEY DO (spoiler: undocumented immigrants are ineligible for all those programs they’re supposed to be abusing, and if they’re “stealing” your job it’s because your employer is hiring illegally.). I’m not opposed to deporting people who are here illegally, but I believe there are far more humane ways to handle undocumented immigration than our current practices (i.e., detaining children, splitting up families, ending DACA, etc).

10. I believe we should take in refugees, or at the very least not turn them away without due consideration. Turning thousands of people away because a terrorist might slip through is inhumane, especially when we consider what has happened historically to refugees who were turned away (see: MS St. Louis). If we’re so opposed to taking in refugees, maybe we should consider not causing them to become refugees in the first place. Because we’re fooling ourselves if we think that somewhere in the chain of events leading to these people becoming refugees, there isn’t a line describing something the US did.

11. I don’t believe the government should regulate everything, but since greed is such a driving force in our country, we NEED regulations to prevent cut corners, environmental destruction, tainted food/water, unsafe materials in consumable goods or medical equipment, etc. It’s not that I want the government’s hands in everything – I just don’t trust people trying to make money to ensure that their products/practices/etc are actually SAFE. Is the government devoid of shadiness? Of course not. But with those regulations in place, consumers have recourse if they’re harmed and companies are liable for medical bills, environmental cleanup, etc. Just kind of seems like common sense when the alternative to government regulation is letting companies bring their bottom line into the equation.

12. I believe our current administration is fascist. Not because I dislike them or because I’m butthurt over an election, but because I’ve spent too many years reading and learning about the Third Reich to miss the similarities. Not because any administration I dislike must be Nazis, but because things are actually mirroring authoritarian and fascist regimes of the past.

13. I believe the systemic racism and misogyny in our society is much worse than many people think, and desperately needs to be addressed. Which means those with privilege – white, straight, male, economic, etc – need to start listening, even if you don’t like what you’re hearing, so we can start dismantling everything that’s causing people to be marginalized.

14. I believe in so-called political correctness. Not because everyone is a delicate snowflake, but because as Maya Angelou put it, when we know better, we do better. When someone tells you that a term or phrase is more accurate/less hurtful than the one you’re using, you now know better. So why not do better? How does it hurt you to NOT hurt another person? Your refusal to adjust your vocabulary in the name of not being an asshole kind of makes YOU the snowflake.

15. I believe in funding sustainable energy, including offering education to people currently working in coal or oil so they can change jobs. There are too many sustainable options available for us to continue with coal and oil. Sorry, billionaires. Maybe try investing in something else.

I think that about covers it. Bottom line is that I’m a liberal because I think we should take care of each other. That doesn’t mean you should work 80 hours a week so your lazy neighbor can get all your money. It just means I don’t believe there is any scenario in which preventable suffering is an acceptable outcome as long as money is saved.

So, I’m a liberal.

My mom’s parents said “We don’t care who you love.” At that point she’d only ever brought home white guys. She brought my dad home-her mother called her a nigger lover and damned the relationship as much as possible. Her father grew around his prejudices after I was born but never apologized, just wasn’t a blatant fuck.

The day she introduced my father to her family was the last time she spoke to her mother for over twenty years. When I was getting sick and she called and asked her mother and grandmother if anyone in the family had anything strange happen similar what I was going through they told her “it’s because you married a black man. You made your bed, you lie in it.”

Cops pulled them over all the time and asked my mom IF SHE WAS OKAY AND IF SHE NEEDED HELP BECAUSE MY FATHER-A BLACK MAN-WAS DRIVING A 100 POUND WHITE WOMAN AROUND. HE WAS HARRASSED AND THREATED WITH ARREST.

My father ended up getting into a fight in self defence because some entitled hick decided he didn’t like seeing a black man and white woman in the bar together. Thankfully other patrons helped my father but he still couldn’t go to the er for his injuries. My mom patched him up and they were terrified the cops would take him away.

THEIR BEST FRIEND GOT LICENSED TO MARRY THEM SO THEY COULD ACTUALLY TIE THE KNOT BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE WOULD AND CITED JIM CROW ERA LAW AS TO WHY.

When shopping with just me my father wouldn’t hold my hand if there was a group around. Why? I’m far lighter than him and people had stopped and asked him “whose child is that?” Or “little girl where’s your parents?” and were stunned when I grinned and pointed at my dad and proudly proclaimed “my daddy’s right here.” You know where else mixed kids couldn’t hold their parents hands? Apartheid South Africa. We live in fucking FLORIDA.

Before applying for the federal program SSDI, we married. This was to prevent losing the life-saving insurance I needed. At that point, I was still on my parents’ insurance, but would soon age out of being able to use it.

After we married, I applied for SSDI, which takes about two years. Everyone is denied by default, so I was prepared with an SSDI lawyer (they only take the case if they know they can win, and their payment is a very small portion of your backpay; my lawyer was paid just 15% of my backpay)backpack. When the rejection letter arrived, I immediately went to her for help.

I inquired about the state program SSI. She told me I didn’t qualify because I’m married. I applied anyway, because I ad nothing to lose. Here’s what the person at the SSI office told me I would have to do before I could apply:

I need to divorce my husband.

I need to live alone. We could not be living together because this would be seen as us basically being married.

I need to have less than $2k to my name at all times.

I cannot work.

I cannot live with my parents because their income would count against me.

I cannot own expensive things that could be sold for money.

If I was approved, I would have to continue following these rules with a few additions.

I cannot receive gifts of money.

I must have a bank account, and they would monitor it to make sure I never went even a single cent over $2000.

I cannot have a savings account.

I cannot have a safety deposit box.

I would have to continue living alone.

They can stop by my home at anytime to inspect how I’m living. They could talk to my neighbors to see if I had anyone who visited and helped me as more than just a friend. This means I could not have my former husband turned boyfriend stay overnight, and he cannot be perceived as taking care of me.

I cannot have anyone help me financially. This means no one else can pay my bills. If I cannot afford those bills on my own, I would have to apply for programs that would. Most of those have long waiting lists, like section 8 housing (we had applied for section 8 housing in 2008, and three years ago I received an email telling me we qualified. They had only the information we gave them in 2008, and have since moved across the country).

My SSDI, if approved, would count against me financially.

The most money I would receive from SSI, if I did everything they demanded and was approved, was $618/month.

This is enforced poverty. It’s also the onky way may of those Disabled would be able to receive the medical care that keeps them alive, like Medicaid. My seizure medication used to cost nearly $2k/month. My neurologist gave me free samples of it every month and helped me apply for free medication through the manufacturer’s financial aid program (you should too if you can’t afford your medication). I was receiving medical care through the hospital’s financial aid program when I married and lost my parents’ insurance coverage.

I refused to do as SSI demanded. My SSDI lawyer was, in fact, relieved when I told her I’m married. Why? Because marrying afterwards would have caused serious and life-threatening complications. She encourages everyone who applies for SSDI to marry if it’s possible a ble for them to do so. Because of her, I was approved for other programs, things I didn’t even know existed, but for two years, it was Hell-on-Earth. I couldn’t work because it would count against me. At that time, rent was $650, but my husband was making federal minimum wage, worked full time, and his employer kept changing his schedule, which made it impossible to apply for a second job.

I know many who are on SSI and need it in order to remain alive. One of my friends nearly fell out if the program because a nosy neighbor saw her and her boyfriend cuddling in her couch watching a movie. They assumed he was secretly living with her. Said neighbor was frequently seen just outside my friend’s windows, watching her. When she met my lawyer after getting the automatic SSDI rejection, she married, got into the programs I had been in, and filed a restraining order against her neighbor because my lawyer absolutely insisted on it. The bitch violated the terms three times and was put in prison for six months. She’s now on SSDI, married, and much happier.

Don’t bother with the MAGA cult, but target all the more moderate republicans. The ones who just don’t believe that he’s actually going to do anything he said. The ones who voted for him because they’ve always voted republican, even if the republican party has gone completely off the deep end. Or the people who didn’t vote, because they thought both choices were equally bad.

Do not let them erase this. Do not let them tell you he meant "my heart goes out for you."

This man is the grandson of a Canadian Nazi sympathizer who moved to South Africa BECAUSE he thought the apartheid was just the coolest.

He has a gaggle of kids specifically because he believes his genes are superior and need to be spread to improve humanity.

He has thrown his support behind the neonazi party in Germany and the far right party in the UK, not to mention how far he's wormed up the ass of the Republican party.

He threw two sieg heil salutes back to back at the inauguration of the president of the United States and is trying to scrub the evidence off the internet.

They're saying they wish my protagonist's sexuality was different. When somebody says, "I wish this gay book was straight instead so that I could relate to it more," or whatever, we rightfully recognise that as homophobic. When somebody says, "I wish this aroace character had a love interest," people call that a personal preference and make excuses for why that's not the same thing. Given that my protagonist's sexuality is something she shares with me, it feels particularly unkind, because it's essentially saying, "Lives like yours aren't interesting to me, I wish you had a different sexuality." Ouch.

I may have been exaggerating when I said 99.9% of YA books have a romance plotline... but not by much. It is everywhere. If you want a YA book with romance, you don't have to make any effort to find one, because nine times out of ten, whatever book you pick up will have one. It might be the main plot, it might be the subplot, but it'll be there. I was told repeatedly that I would have to have romance if I wanted my YA books to be published, because the category insists on it. So if you want YA books with romance: basically every other book is for you. It's not like it's a rarity that you were hoping I would finally give you. You have the entire cake; leave us our crumbs.

Like I said in the tags on my original post, this wasn't about one specific person or review. Please don't single anybody out if you've seen them say something similar to this. If it happened once, it wouldn't bother me; it's the pattern, and years of being told before publication that I would have to compromise on this element of the story if I wanted to make it, and social media marketing trends that focus almost exclusively on romance tropes and make it hard to engage when you don't have them.

And, on top of that, it's the weird anxiety of knowing that my next book, the Bisclavret retelling, is more romance-heavy, and while I want it to succeed, there's a bittersweetness to the idea that my yearning book might succeed where my aroace books didn't, purely because romance is marketable and friendship isn't.

(Even though I know there are so many other factors -- different genre, different category, different format, different publisher, different style, and a retelling that can appeal to an existing audience rather than my own characters and story that have no prior fanbase. It still feels like the romance will be what makes the difference.)

As I said on Bluesky yesterday, talking about both my fiction and my academic work:

But now, folks want to take so many of those options away all over again…isolating disabled and chronically ill folks from society again. It’s cruel…taking something beautiful like that away from us after showing us that something like that was possible this whole time since we have had the technology. And now that we know for a fact that the technology exists, non-disabled and non-chronically ill people want to take that away from us?

It’s beyond cruel.