i still have this feeling of guilt. on my part, despite the heartbreak, despite the pain i don't regret love. but at the same time i regret putting her through the heartbreak. breaking up with someone is not only breaking up when you feel like close friends. you're not only losing a lover, you also lose a company. but missing that person doesn't justify being selfish with what you want. that's what i'm telling myself. something happy, something sad, i used to share everything with her. at the moment this is my problem. and i need to deal with it myself. i'm trying to accept all emotions i experience. heartbreak, loneliness, yearning, and grief. because if i cover them up, i would be lying to myself. yes i feel grief deeply. the possibilities, "what if"s... what if? does it even matter? i always believed that once something is over, there's no going back. it's not a all-or-nothing belief. it's valuing myself and the person in question. because when you actually love someone, it's not that you'll prioritize yourself. you'll prioritize both. and it's not that she was easy to give up on. it's quite the opposite. and despite the difficulty of letting go, thinking is heavier than feeling in my decision process. i'll torture myself for the "good". which is helpless.
snowghoul
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2087
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turnnoffyourmind
