garbage side account

When I decided to have a go on TROS fix-it I was in a place of pure emotion, having freshly seen the movie, having freshly experienced the death of my favourite character. I wanted him to have a redemption and be happy, and hadn't question the execution of how that was achieved in the writing and plot of tros at all. I was what... 16 at the time? The only one major thing that had bothered me back then was Ben Solo's death and every other plot point related to that, so I set my fix-it story to pick up from the point he falls into the pit. 2020 came, so I suddenly had a lot of time to work on this beast while doing my homework. After one and a half years of working on it I had to abandon the project because I was graduating high school. It was sad, but at least I had the feeling I had brought it to some end (Ben reuniting with Chewie) and that it gave me some satisfaction of accomplishing something that big on my own. The entire fix-it only played with the idea of 'what if Ben Solo didn't die when healing Rey' and 'how would the characters react to it'.

Now, why am I telling all of this? I had hoped that after writing this fix-it it would help me overcome my negative feelings I have with tros, and it did, to a certain extent. It certainly helped me heal my broken heart. I took a loooong break from the fandom, both because I had to and needed to, (engaging with any canon tros content was still very painful. today I can just laugh about it.) but, no. matter. what. I. did. my brain was reminding me of the unresolved reylo problem within me. Turns out, that over the years, being very interested in storytelling and watching a lot of movie analysis content actually made me realise how many problems there are in tros, up to the point that, if I could go back in time, I would tell my younger self not to bother with rewriting the ending, when the entire movie just didn't work. (what a surprise, i know..) It's not like I didn't notice the entire film had issues, I just couldn't explain and exactly pin down what those issues are. Now I can, and here I am, picking up my fanfiction from 2018 and trying to make it work, not just as a reylo story with little to no plot, but almost as a whole movie. Because. I. cannOt. hElp. mysELf.

Because I've been so absent in the fandom over the past few years I missed a lot of fix-it and reylo content. And I am sort of reluctant to go fully back into it now, at least not until I finished this fanfiction. I don't want to accidentally steal any idea from anyone just because I couldn't remember who came up with it in the first place. I wanna do my own research with wookieepedia and movie analysis and find my own way of creating this fan project. I don't wanna make the same mistake of going in full-emotion without reflecting on if what I am writing actually makes or whether it's in character. I wanna understand each character's wants, needs, and struggles, and how they can fit into a cohesive story. And this simply needs a lot of time. Time I can hardly find with all my uni projects going on, but time I enjoy spending on it more and more each day I get a new revelation on how to solve certain problems. (is that even grammatically correct? lol) Will I cringe over it in 20 years the way I now cringe whenever I take a look at my tros fix-it? probably. Will I still do it? Hell yeah. Do I know how much it will take me to finish? Nope, but regarding the fact that technically it's already been in the making for 5 years now, I honestly don't expect any less from the future. Will I ever abandon the project and move on with my life? Idk, and I dearly hope that will never happen.

(Side note: It's funny to me how so many fans, from what I've heard and noticed on the internet, have the same idea for tros of starting a stormtrooper rebellion lead by Finn, or however you wanna call it. Like, imagine, DLF, actually taking his backstory into consideration.)

Not me procrastinating both my post tlj fanscript and every thing else important in my life with more random reylo...

It took me a while to figure out the context in which this could actually happen. Probably Ben Solo fighting with the Resistance, trying to prove and redeem himself and make things right. He'd feel the pressure to do it all by himself until it would crush him completely. Rey would remind him to take a break (unintentional Hamilton reference this time! lol I swear on my heart, body and soul) and keep him grounded.

I am not comparing Ben to Hamilton btw, in case it comes across like I am. My head is just very random sometimes.

Don't mind me dropping the video of the actual performance at the very end, because ⭐Phillipa Soo⭐ everybody!

(if the quality feels bad, it's because I started drawing this with a height of 1080 pixels in landscape format *cries*)

I am still debating whether or not to include this in my fanfiction. There are some shots missing, just to illustrate how anxious and hopelessly in love he is. Well, we'll see. I may or may not continue this.

Part 1 of 2... mayybeee?

This scene's been in my head for so long but in order to get there I need to write all the yet non existent scenes that build up to this moment and so many many others * cries *

So instead of writing it I am drawing it to get it off my chest... however productive that is, I have no idea.