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Damian: So, what are you getting me for Christmas?

Jason: Nice try, brat.

Jason: Actually, no, terrible try. What was that? Where’s the subtly? The cunning?

Damian: *shrugs*

Later

Steph: Just out of curiosity, were you expecting that to work? At all?

Damian: Not really, no.

Steph: Then why bother?

Damian: It’s all part of my plan.

Steph:

Damian:

Steph: Are you going to expound on that, or…

Later that week

Oracle: Robin, there’s a burglary taking place on 5th and Jefferson.

Nightwing: I’ll be there in like three minutes, Robin, just wait for me.

Robin: I have it handled.

Red Robin: Just wait for Nightwing, you dummy.

Robin: Unnecessary.

Spoiler: You’re going to make Nightwing sad.

Oracle: Or you’ll get hurt.

Spoiler: Yeah, or that.

Robin: Tt. I’ll be fine. “He will win who knows when to fight and when to fight harder.”

Red Hood: That is NOT how that quote goes.

Everyone:

Oracle: Hood, I thought you were in California this week.

Red Hood: I felt an insult to humanity preparing to take form.

More later

Cass: Did you tell Jason what you wanted for Christmas yet?

Damian: I’m working on it.

Several days after that

Tim: Why are you in my room?

Damian: You left the window open.

Tim:

Damian: The philosophers are very clear on what to do there.

Tim:

Damian, a little louder: When your enemy leaves their WINDOW open.

Tim: And are you achieving what you are hoping to achieve right now?

Damian: Unclear.

Tim: You know, you could always write a letter to Santa like a normal kid.

Damian: Absolutely not.

Tim: Yeah… Probably for the best, actually, considering past dealings and all…

Christmas Morning

Damian, opening his gift:

Dick: What’d Jason give you?

Damian: *proudly holds up a signed copy of The Art of War*

Tim: Okay, that’s got to be fake, right?

Everyone: *looks at Jason*

Jason, shrugging: The Flashes owed me a favor.

Bruce, eye twitching slightly: Do I have to send the time travel safety presentation out to everyone again?

Jason: Don’t worry, they already fixed the parts of the timeline they broke.

Bruce: *very lengthy sigh*

Damian: Thank you, Jason.

Jason: You’re welcome.

Jason: Now there will be no more murdering of quotes. You have no excuses.

Later

Damian: My plan worked.

Steph: And just asking was too hard because…

High King Feanor: mortally wounded by several balrogs

High King Maedhros: willingly burned alive

High King Fingolfin: stomped to death in a 1v1 with morgoth

High King Fingon: got his head cleaved open by balrogs

(Okay, you get the point).

High King Gil-Galad: in the event of my death, Elrond, I crown you H—

🤞😜

Penny 🍊🩰🇸🇱🔚💂‍♂️⛈😁