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As the illegitimate son of the reigning king, the Duke of Windsor was a very unfortunate man. Wanting to stamp out any evidence of his infidelity and failure, the king sent his son out at a very young age to wage the wars of the kingdom. And when he came back successful at the age of 18, the king was forced to acknowledge his child. So he gave him the title of duke to a land far north of the capital, one of frozen lands and impoverished people.

Despite his constant achievements and sacrifices for the kingdom, what the duke was given was essentially a slap in the face. Though he was doing his best for his people and land, he had no support. No doubt the very reason why I saw him and his aide at that ball was to find a wife. However, as handsome as he was, I knew very well that no family head would be so foolish as to give their daughter to him.

It was clear that someone like me would be of benefit to him. As the youngest daughter of a rich and prominent family, even something as simple as a dowry would be a massive boon to his duchy. On top of that, I was well educated and owned a few successful businesses of my own. People were falling over themselves to have me join their family. However, something told me that all the advantages I would bring would not be enough for him.

I don’t know why, but I had the impression the duke was the sort that didn’t trust easily. And I had the feeling that he wanted revenge on his father. Something about the way the king treated his mother… Granted, my hunch could be wrong, but I felt it was something I had for a long time… Regardless, seeing that my family played a huge role in politics, it was possible he wouldn’t trust me.

Which meant showering him with so many things that he simply couldn’t refuse.

Perhaps a few diamond mines under my name. There was that gold mine that my father had been holding for a while. It would probably be good to do some research into the exports of the duchy to see what could be done in terms of business. At the same time, I couldn’t just show my entire hand straight from the start. I had to be strategic about it. That would be the only way of gaining his hand!

So once I had everything settled and my game plan set, I scheduled a meeting with the duke. After all that planning, I already knew I had everything in the bag. I was smart, cultured, rich, and jaw-droppingly beautiful. I knew I didn’t need it, but I even wore my best iridescent peacock green dress with my hair curled into the loveliest of ringlets. He would have to be the utmost King of Fools to turn me down!

So when he finally entered the meeting room with his aide after I waited there for around an hour, I couldn’t help but puff out my chest a bit when his red eyes narrowed at me. He thought his rudeness would have turned me away, but it only made me even more determined! However, I could also feel my heart beating away because his eyes were finally upon me. Oh, how I waited to finally see his beauty again.

“So,” the duke began, “I assume you’re here for marriage.” He didn’t look at me as he spoke, his eyes upon the teacup that he was taking a sip out of.

“I am,” I said. “I understand you’re the shrewd sort and wouldn’t accept a proposal from just anyone. However, I do have an offer that you can’t refuse!” And with a few hearty ohohos on my part, I plopped down the stack of papers I brought with me and laid them out upon the tea table. “Your Grace, I shall offer you all of these things if you can do just one thing for me. Please give me…”

I paused for dramatic effect.

“Your aide’s hand in marriage!”

Then came the crash of a teacup falling to the floor.

The duke coughed once, then twice, before running a hand through his silky black locks. “Can you, ahem, repeat that one more time?”

“Why do you seem so shocked? I said I would offer you all the things listed upon these papers as a dowry. Are they not enough?”

“That’s not—” He then cleared his throat once more. “You want my aide, Noel’s, hand in marriage, not mine?”

“Obviously!” I snorted. “Sir Noel is the most beautiful man I have ever laid my eyes upon. His face is a work of art! It is my life’s work to have every beautiful thing at my side.”

It seemed that the shock wore off upon the duke, for now he was rubbing his forehead with a grimace upon his face.

“I apologize, Lady Vivian, but I… can’t allow that,” he replied, prompting me to shoot to my feet in protest.

“Are these things not enough for you?” I demanded, gesturing to the dowry papers. But realizing my unladylike behavior, I then sat down once more and smiled brightly. “I see. I underestimated how unwavering you are, Your Grace. If that is the case, then how will the diamond mine I will receive from my father upon my marriage do?” But once more, he shook his head. “I can’t—”

“Two diamond mines! I can’t go further than that!”

“No, Lady Vivian. What I’m trying to say is—”

“Oh, you force my hand, my dear duke. A gold mine on top of everything else. That is all I can—”

“IF YOU WOULD JUST LISTEN—” He suddenly shouted, effectively shutting me up, “Who Noel marries is not up to me. That’s his decision. If you want to marry him, he’s the one you need to convince.”

“Oh, well why didn’t you say so earlier?” I questioned with a cheery ohoho. I then finally turned to the aide, Noel, and couldn’t help but give a confident smile. “Well, Sir Noel? What is your answer?”

There he stood behind the couch the duke was seated on, the glare of his glasses obscuring the view of his beautiful hazel eyes. And upon his lips was a most horrible of grimaces. Which was fine. I realized now that I should have approached Sir Noel instead of going through the Duke in the first place, but what was done was done. If everything I had to offer was not enough, I did have one more thing up my sleeve.

Reaching into my mental reserves of my favorite novel line, I stood, held out a hand to Sir Noel, and gave him the most dashing smile I could.

“Fear not, Sir Noel. I promise I shall make you happy.”

The way his face seemed to contort into an even greater and deeper grimace was simply adorable. No doubt the poor thing was flustered and struck in awe of my supreme magnificence. Knowing I would have to give him time to gather himself, I simply waited a minute, two, five, in that pose patiently. And the moment I saw him swallow and meet my gaze, I knew what his answer would be.

Everything has changed, and yet I can feel fate’s breath upon the back of my neck. I can see the shadows of its claws slowly circling around me. I can hear the echoing ticks of that damned clock counting down each dwindling second to my ultimate demise. I’ve changed the world, and yet at the same time, deep down I know I didn’t change a single damned thing.

They all smile at me—the characters. They all adore me. The moment they see me, they rush to my side. Do they know, I wonder, that one day they’ll approach me with swords? I find myself thinking at times how I will react when that day comes. Will I feel hurt? Betrayed? Or will I accept their fury with grace?

And William, the male lead. I don’t know what’s greater, my love or my inability to trust him? He was at my side from the very beginning, and when he kisses me, I find myself able to find respite from this fear, even if just for a moment. He’s seen me at my greatest and worst. Maybe when he inevitably falls for the original female lead, I will truly turn into the villainess I was meant to be.

Every day that passes, I find hints of poison beginning to infect my veins. What can I do to preserve the peace and happiness I have? Black magic? Loyalty contracts? Should I take the first step and kill the female lead before she is meant to appear? I know that taking these routes would only hasten my fate, but they whisper so temptingly in my ear late at night and when I’m at my worst, it takes every inch of my being not to give in.

One would consider knowledge of the future a blessing, and gods know I surely have taken advantage of it. I’ve made riches, stopped wars, quelled pandemics—and yet it sits upon my chest like a heavy stone.

A curse.

Why out of everyone, why did it have to be me that gained memories of my past life? If I didn’t know, sure my fate would not change, but at least I would live my villainy freely. I wouldn’t keep struggling for life knowing full well that it has never belonged to me.

But out of everything, though, the worst part of all of this is the waiting. When will death finally come? When will this anticipation be over? Behind everyone’s back, I’ve tried to hasten it. I’ve tried so many times. But fate loves me too much. I’ll only go upon its orders and its orders only.

I hate this.

I hate this so much.

I want to die.

Why, out of everyone in the world, why did it have to be me?

Just put me out of my misery, please, I beg of you.

With each day that passes, I find myself losing a part of myself. Gone are the days of the self-confident and bright woman I used to be. There’s more silence now. More distance. I know everyone’s been beginning to notice. But it’s a kindness upon my part, right? The less they feel when they inevitably turn their backs upon me. Or perhaps me them.

The first signs of it was back when we were in the academy. It was during our second year that he began to wait by the door to walk with me when the classes we had together ended for the day. It was during the third year that we began eating lunch together. And it was during our fourth year that one day I got busy and was not able to arrive at lunch as we usually planned. The way he demanded to know where I was the next day caught me off guard. He even pouted for the good rest of the day. But at the time, I only attributed it to his prickliness.

It was in my sixth year that I became slightly aware that he acted like a sort of guard dog around me. When unseemly men or jealous women would try to interact with me, he’d chase them away. Perhaps on some level, I should have minded, but as far as I saw it, he was doing me a favor and acting like a good friend would, so I didn’t bat an eye. I didn’t even mind when he stole me away for our end of year galas. We both were introverts, so I assumed such behavior to be normal. If he didn’t do it, then I would have.

Perhaps the reason why it took me so long to realize anything was because he wasn’t as protective over me as he was with his sister. Yes, he chased people away and monopolized my time, yes, he accompanied me whenever I went on errands that may have been a bit dangerous, but he never stopped me from doing anything. If I approached people out of my own accord, he wouldn’t threaten them or chase them away. He didn’t stop me from doing risky things. That’s the way he treated his sister, not me.

Throughout our whole relationship, he always trusted me. He trusted that I would make the right decisions and do the right thing. He never had to worry about me. As far as he was concerned, I was smart enough to handle myself. So I always saw that neediness of his as simply him being a good friend. It was never overbearing. We were similar. We understood each other. We knew what the other wanted. And we’d work with that.

So I never could have expected what happened once we finally made our relationship official.

Let it be said that I knew even before arriving at the ball that I was a hot item. As the owner of a famed trading company and the new status of countess that I purchased with my own money, famed families were begging to make me a part of their family. I received letters everyday of business proposals, marriage proposals—people begging for just a second of my time.

It was almost funny in a way thinking about it all. I still remembered how they would all ignore me back at the academy, being a poor viscount’s daughter and all. And yet even with all this attention, I knew they still thought little of me. They didn’t praise me for my accomplishments. They weren’t impressed by my smarts and quick wit. All they wanted was the money that would come with me once I was wed. No doubt they were dying at the thought of putting their son at the head of my company once that happened.

The funniest part of it all, however, was how everyone knew Lord Cael and I were an item from even before I made it rich. He was never quiet about it (as much as I wanted him to be). Everyone knew his feelings for me, and how I reciprocated them. So the belief all these noble families had that they could possibly take me from him made me laugh. Even if we weren’t marrying for love, the thought that they could offer me something better than a duke? It was ridiculous.

So when I arrived at the ball, the sight of all these men quickly tripping over themselves to surround me made me giggle. My hand must be extremely appealing to them to be this passionate after a woman past her prime. Still, it was times like these that I wished I was a bit more like Lord Cael. As much of an introvert as I was, I did not ignore propriety. As much as I wished to leave, I allowed them to speak to me.

But as minutes past, then half an hour, then an hour, I found my tolerance beginning to fray around the edges. At this point, Lord Cael would be at my side to chase all these men away. So where was he? How much longer would I have to listen to these shallow men proclaim their accomplishments so as to impress me? How my ears were tiring of their empty flattery.

And then, right when I reached the point I could bare it no longer, there I found him stalking across the floor with purpose, the crowd parting without him having to say a single word. With determination in his eyes, even the men surrounding me gave way as he made his way straight to me. And once he was before me, I was struck with the sinking feeling that he was about to do something ridiculous and put me on the spot.

“Elaine,” he said clearly, the lack of titles not unnoticed by me.

“Cael,” I replied, deciding to follow along.

Then he reached into his coat pocket, went down on one knee, and opened a small velvet box before everyone’s eyes. Inside was a ring with a diamond at the center the color of his eyes. Then, looking up at me, he gave the most bashful beautiful smile that even managed to make my heart, mine, a person that’s well used to him, beat.

“Marry me?”

And then the crowd went wild.

Everything between gasps and swoons erupted from all around me, but all I could see was him. I knew he knew my answer. I knew he was doing this to make a statement. But the way he was looking at me, love so clearly reflected in his eyes, I felt my face heat and tears fill my eyes. There was no way I would be able to bring myself to scold him.

“Well, Elaine?” He asked, his voice endearingly sweet.

I finally looked away, wiping my tears, unable to bear his gaze any longer. Holding out my left hand, I let out an irritable sigh.

“You already know my answer, you foolish man. Of course I will marry you.”

I thought exchanging those gifts would be the end of it, a promise that we would fulfill in the future. Never did I think that Cael would continue to give me things. Expensive things. Loud things.

There I stood with a difficult smile on my face as I gazed upon his most recent gift, a gown. But no, it wasn’t just any gown. It was the newest release of society’s most famed designer. Only one person had the right to wear it, and he just had to go to buy it for me, the disinherited daughter of a viscount. It was gorgeous, the color of Cael’s hair with accents the color of his eyes. No doubt I would look stunning in it, but…

Correct me if I was mistaken, but we weren’t seeing each other yet. As far as I was concerned, we were our own separate people. So why in the world did he have to stake his claim on me so loudly? Not to mention that a suitable gift needed to be given in return. I had nothing at my disposal to give to him that would make up for such an expensive gift!

I sighed. Ever since we were in school, nothing could control him, not even his sister. I even tried telling him at some point to cut it out with the gifts, but then he gave me those puppy dog lonely eyes of his and I found myself giving in without complaint. No doubt if I tried wearing a different dress to the next gala, he would give me those eyes once more. Of course he had to make things difficult on me.

He really was a jerk, wasn’t he? I knew the reason why he was doing this. He knew that I knew that he wasn’t one for expensive gifts. That meant the only thing that would match something of this level would be a bombastic homemade gift. Lately, he had been dropping hints about an embroidered cloak. This was his way of pushing me in that direction, wasn’t it?

He knew I hated anything womanly. I hated embroidery with a passion. Even if I was good at it, that didn’t mean I liked it. But he loved handmade things. He even kept the embroidered handkerchief I made him after all these years. The way his eyes lit up with stars whenever I’d give him anything I made…

I pressed my fingers against my temple. This brat. This devil of a man. He always had to have everything his way. And he knew that I was weak to him. We weren’t even together yet and he still exploited my feelings for him.

Bastard.

Asshole.

I tilted my head as I glanced at him. I knew I wasn’t wrong for feeling so amazed. I knew him since we were fourteen. We spent nearly every day together other than holidays and vacations for nearly four years, and yet I still had yet to meet his sister. At first, I thought it was because he was so protective over her that he did not want her even coming to the academy, but when he invited me over to his vacation home during one break and she had still yet to show face, I couldn’t help but become a bit suspicious.

“Do you think we wouldn’t get along?” I mused to myself, but he shook his head while scratching the back of his neck, still avoiding my gaze.

“It’s not that. It’s just…” He sighed before finally looking over to me. “Promise you won’t laugh?”

“You say a lot of dumb things, so I can’t exactly promise,” I answered truthfully, prompting him to roll his eyes.

“Fine. The reason why you haven’t met my sister yet is because… You know how I told you that everyone loves my sister once they met her? That’s not an exaggeration. A part of me thinks she’s part fairy or something because everyone falls in love with her the moment they lay eyes on her. I guess I just felt that… if you met her… I… wouldn’t be your favorite anymore…” He ended in a mumble.

I couldn’t help it. After staring at him with wide eyes for a second or two, I immediately burst into a fit of laughter. I was laughing so hard, clutching my stomach, that his expression quickly gave way to anger.

“To imply that you’re my favorite in the first place—” I managed to get out between giggles. He pouted, rolling his eyes.

“This is why I didn’t want to tell you…”

“Okay, okay, fine,” I began, wiping the tears from my eye. “I’m sorry for laughing. It’s just that sometimes you say the dumbest, but cutest things. I can’t help myself!” As my giggles began to fade, I pretended not to notice the way his ears blushed pink. Taking his hand, I looked into his eyes.

“Even if she was the greatest person in the world, my favorite would still be you. Call me foolish, but my loyalties always go with the person that’s been by my side the longest. Besides, you’re my partner, aren’t you? No other person will ever have that place but you.”

If his face wasn’t red before, it definitely was then. I knew he wasn’t a fool. He definitely knew what I was saying. Taking both of my hands, his gaze turned to his feet as he no doubt tried to gather the words he wished to speak to me. And when he looked up, the expression of vulnerability and sheer adoration in his eyes caused my heart to beat.

“Then… Not now. I know not now. You have things you want to do. But possibly, in the future, does that mean I… That you…” He bit his lip. His hands tightly gripped mine, slightly slick to the touch in nervousness. He was adorable, simply adorable. Taking a step close to him, I rested my forehead against his.

“If you’ll have me.”

Hearing a sharp intake of breath, I couldn’t help but giggle as I felt him begin to shake. And then, once he simply couldn’t take it any longer, my giggles broke out into a laugh as I felt his arms wrap around me to pull me close.

“It’s a promise, okay? I’m not gonna let you go back on it. When you’re ready, I’m not going to let you go!” He declared. I nodded.

“So what was it this time? Someone saying something bad about your sister’s husband?” I asked, shaking my head in disappointment.

He glanced away, avoiding my gaze.

“Sure, let’s say that.”

I rolled my eyes. He really couldn’t help but be a siscon. Here he was in his last year of the academy and not once did any woman catch his eyes. The only one he looked at was his sister. He barely even had friends other than me! No doubt he would probably have to adopt one of his sister’s children to become the next heir to the duchy because I could not see him getting married. At least that’s what I thought until venting to Lord Daniel a few days later.

“His sister?” he repeated in confusion. “Lord Cael didn’t fight those boys because of his sister. He fought them because— Uh… Well… You know what? Forget I said that.” He laughed nervously. My brow rose as I stared at him, glared really.

“What do you mean? Why did he fight them then? Tell me.” Lord Daniel winced under my gaze. After arguing with himself for a few moments, he then finally turned to me, a difficult expression upon his face.

“Do you really not know? He fought them because of you.” I frowned then.

“Why me?”

“They said… Uh… Well, it’s really not proper for a lady’s ears like yours…” he mumbled, but after noticing my glare once more, his expression turned even more complicated. “They said… They said that you dressed like a matron in her 40s, and because you did, you must… have a filthy body. They were talking about having a taste of you when Lord Cael finally snapped.”

I sat back when he finished, deep in thought. Though I knew I wasn’t well liked in the school due to the way I acted and dressed, I wasn’t surprised about other people’s thoughts regarding me. Boys of this young age tended to have filthy thoughts. There were quite a few people that thought I was using my body to seduce Lord Cael as well. So to think that he snapped just because people were talking about me was strange. We were friends, but he was acting as if his sister was the one that was being insulted. When I shared my thoughts with Lord Daniel, his jaw dropped.

“Lady Elaine, do you really not know? Lord Cael holds you in very high esteem! If he’s not talking about his sister, he’s talking about you. That’s not to mention the amount of things he does for you without complaint. Getting him to do things for other people is like pulling teeth. Honestly, as much as I admire him, he has a nasty personality. He shows his best sides around you.”

That got me thinking for the rest of the day. Even though Lord Daniel said it, I had a hard time bringing myself to believe it. I knew that we were friends. I knew that he treated me well. But it was hard to believe that I was anyone special to him. The fact that he was brought to rage just because someone insulted me was hard to wrap my mind around. The only person he did that for was his sister. Not someone like me.

That being said, I was under no delusions that he could possibly have any feelings for me. While we were friends and he treated me with respect, I didn’t necessarily feel that he viewed me as a woman. We were partners. We were friends. Upon a certain level, we felt entitled to each other’s time, but it was nothing more than that. We both had goals that we were heading toward in life and we weren’t going to let things like love get in the way.

Not only were we to prepare one for a man in our life—be it brother, father, fiancé, or someone we’re interested in—but upon it was supposed to be the family crest of the man we were making it for. Which put me in a difficult situation. I had no brothers. And my father passed soon after I was born. I had absolutely nobody I could make it for. It wasn’t before long that I decided to cut my losses and make it for Lord Cael. Certainly if anyone wouldn’t misunderstand, it would be him.

I presented it to him the day we received it back from grading, threw it at him, really. I already knew many tried to give him theirs before class, which no doubt he turned down. It was a shame for those girls seeing they would not receive a full score, but I felt like I knew Lord Cael well enough that he would accept mine.

“Throw it away, put it in some drawer you’ll never see again. Just accept it for my grade,” I told him as he stared between me and the handkerchief in surprise.

“You… also made one for me?” he asked in surprise, a look of disgust beginning to show around the edges. My nose wrinkled.

“Don’t say it like that. I don’t have a father or brother, so you were the only choice. What, you don’t actually think I made it for you because I like you, do you?” I questioned, raising a brow. He coughed, glancing away, his ears turning red at the tips.

“Of course I wouldn’t think that!” he blustered. “It’s just shocking to see you of all people do something so… girly.” My lip curled then.

“Didn’t I just say I did this for a grade? I’m not doing this because I want to. Get your head out of the gutter.” He looked offended then.

“How is my head in the gutter for assuming that you would— Never mind. I guess if you ever need help with these things in the future, I will allow you to come to me. Just warn me next time. I don’t like being caught off guard.”

And that’s how it continued to be for the following year as I fulfilled my required classes. And honestly, it was surprising. It was one thing for him to accept a handkerchief, but to agree to attend the dance final as my partner? Now that was a shock. I was not surprised to be on the receiving end of glares for a while after, even a decent amount of bullying as well. It wasn’t anything I couldn’t put up with, though, so I took it in stride. But… I had to admit that it did become a bit… concerning with the way Lord Cael seemed to expect to be my partner after going to him for help a few times.

“So you’re going to the annual ball then, Lady Elaine?” he asked one of those days. I nodded.

“My mother is forcing me to go. ‘To find a good husband,’ she says. She wasn’t happy I skipped out last year,” I replied. He then nodded and looked up, rubbing his chin in thought.

“Then I suppose I should head to the tailor. What color dress are you wearing?” he asked, prompting me to frown.

“Purple. Why?”

“Who else would be your partner but me?” he replied in genuine confusion, somehow matching the expression upon my face.

“I… wasn’t planning on going with anyone,” I finally managed to get out. After a pause of letting my words sink in, his face then burst into bright red.

“I-If you didn’t need anyone, you should’ve said so from the start! Don’t blame it on me for misunderstanding. I—”

“I would appreciate it if you went with me, though,” I admitted. “At least you’d give me someone to talk to. So… Purple. I will be wearing purple that day. Please come in a matching color.” Though his cheeks were still pink, he rolled his eyes in response.

So when I went to the library instead, although I know I should have expected it, I was surprised when I happened upon Lord Cael there. Seated at a table in the back, he seemed to be reading a book on Azazel, the kingdom bordering us to the east.

“You didn’t want to go to the ball, Lord Cael?” I asked as I sat across of him, a book of my own in hand.

“What’s the point in going? All those pigs only want to make connections with me for my sister.”

“You should watch what you say. The walls have ears, you know. You don’t want to make it harder on her, do you?” I asked. He snorted.

“Please. What can they do to us? With my sister as acting head, we’ve become one of the richest duchies in the kingdom. That’s not even mentioning the sway she has on politics. I can say whatever I like and they’d still be climbing over themselves to get to me,” he snorted. It made me think it almost was a good thing he wasn’t particularly tall. It wouldn’t do him any good if he could also physically look far down upon people as he did mentally.

“Still,” I said, “Corrupt people look for anything to get the higher ground over their enemies. If they can find one fault within you, they will. In the end, there will only be so much your sister can do,” I replied. “I’m from one of those corrupt families, so trust me, I would know better than anyone.”

As if catching his attention, he put his book to the side and rested his chin upon his hand as he gazed at me. In silence, we both simply watched each other before he finally broke the silence.

“Why don’t you try to use me, Lady Elaine? Ever since we became partners, I’ve been waiting for it. Even your brothers tried to use your connection with me to start something, but after all this time, you’ve never treated me any different. Honestly, you’ve treated me so… nicely that at this point, I probably wouldn’t turn you down if you asked me for anything. So why don’t you?” He questioned curiously.

“I won’t deny that using my connection to you would benefit my family in the long run, but… Honestly, I don’t have much loyalties to my family. I’m only telling you this, but I actually plan to leave my family once I graduate. I have no plans on becoming the wife to a man far older than me, solely for connections. My goals are to start a business and make it big. I want to prove that a woman does not need her family or a man in order to survive. However, to accomplish this, I need to do it on my own.

“Contrary to your belief, Lord Cael, I eventually will come to you for your assistance, but not in the way you expect. When I approach you, it will be with a foolproof business plan that you would be an absolute fool to turn down. I will use you, and you will use me. We will be partners standing on equal ground.” As I finished speaking, I could not help the confident grin that rose to my lips. And neither could he.

But perhaps more notable was Lord Cael. There he stood before her with an almost childish shine in his eyes and the smile upon his lips was the epitome of innocence. Never had I seen him look that way before, as if he could do no wrong, as if he never once had an evil thought. And watching that, I almost could understand the obsession the girls of the academy had with him. Looking at him before his sister, he truly was beautiful. However, anyone would be a fool to think such a smile could belong to anyone but her.

He was in the best of moods the following days, opting to wear the scarf she knitted messily for him, even when it was warm. Not once did he even bother to mention his sister’s fiancé. The way he sat next to me with his nose held high in the air was almost cute. With the way he was thrumming with excitement, it was obvious he wanted me to ask about the gift he was given. And I almost felt bad for how long I held out until I finally gave in.

“My sister gave this to me,” he said while showing off the scarf. “She knitted it herself with her delicate small hands. Though I can’t help but fret at how long she must have worked on it, perhaps even staying up late into the night. You know she really isn’t good at crafts. You should see her embroidery. So to think she made this, she must have—” At some point, I wasn’t sure when I ended up zoning him out. There really was no point in listening.

If I had to be honest, I had no clue how I managed to get within the, if you could call it that, “good graces” of him—the heir to the duchy, Lord Cael Valen. By every meaning of the word, he was a loner. I suppose it couldn’t be helped due to the way he was raised. When his parents passed when he was a young child, his older sister had to weather bankruptcy, corrupt family members, greedy nobles that wanted their name, and much more to protect Lord Cael and the duchy. He went through a lot, and because of it, didn’t trust anyone other than his sister.

Due to much luck and a bright mind on his sister’s part, she was able to raise the family back into prestige. But with that came boatloads of other problems. Many offered their hand in marriage to her—some hoping to become the next duke while others wishing to lay hands upon her fortune. Others wished to become business partners with her. And then there were a few that wanted to pull her into politics. Really, it made sense that Lord Cael was so protective over her. And yet…

“Really, who does he think he is? He’s the abandoned son of the Heathcliff’s. He’s known for bringing misfortune to anyone that comes across him. Everyone knows that he’s ruthless and will not hesitate to murder even his fellow countrymen in war if it means winning the battle. She’s too good for him. He’ll only bring her down. Knowing how pure my sister is, no doubt she’s too kind to turn him down. So really, it falls upon me to… Haha, poison? Should I go with poison? Or should I—”

I sighed, turning my attention back to the textbook upon my desk. Ignoring whatever in the world made him think he would be able to scare the bloodthirsty tyrant of the battlefield away from his sister at the bright ripe age of 14, it was clear Lord Cael was not clear in the head. He was absolutely obsessed with his sister. When I asked him what his goal was one time, he said it was to live the rest of his life with his sister away from everyone else. All they will ever need is each other.

What a creep.

So really, with how dismissive of the rest of the world he was, it was a wonder how I managed to become one of his acquaintances. Even though I was assigned to be his partner and deskmate for the rest of the year, I didn’t have many things going for me. First off, I was a girl. And second off, my family was one of the ones obsessed with getting within his sister’s graces. Lord Cael was a loner as it was, but he was extra against those that fell within those two classes. Anyone that obsessed over him due to his status or looks were enemies in his eyes.

Granted, that being said, though I did fall within those two classes, I was neither obsessed with his looks nor his status. Unlike the other women that attended the academy to create connections, I was there primarily for an education. As the youngest daughter of a viscount, my goal was to one day open my own business and be able to live on my own without being forced to marry. I wanted to be able to stand on my own. I had no time for anything else.

When we became partners, I did my best to make my stance clear to Lord Cael. I made sure the only time I spent with him would be during class and group projects, and for some time, that’s how our relationship stayed. I think he even treated me with a certain level of respect for not bothering him. But when I one day gave him advice on something he seemed irritated about, he slowly began opening up to me as an acquaintance. And that led to now—him making his obsession with his sister as clear as day.

“But didn’t you say that the only reason why your sister started dating him was to get everyone else off her back? It’s contractual, isn’t it? So wouldn’t you be ruining it for her if you chase him away?” I questioned, unable to listen to his insane mutterings anymore.

“Just because it’s contractual now doesn’t mean it will be later. You’ve never met my sister, so you don’t know how perfect she is. Just watch, that worm will eventually end up falling for her. It’s inevitable. And if I’m not careful, there’s a chance she may end up falling for him. And if that happens—”

“If that happens, shouldn’t you be happy that she found someone that won’t use her for her class or money? If they make each other happy, shouldn’t that be good enough?”

“Whose to say that he’s not using her? He’s taking advantage of her kindness and ability to see the best in people. Besides, didn’t you hear me? He’s the bloodthirsty tyrant of the battlefield. There’s no way that he’s even capable of truly loving her. He’ll just trick her. And—”

“Didn’t you say your sister is the smartest person you know? Wouldn’t she be smart enough to see through him?”

Masterlist

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Personal Thoughts

Masterlist

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Personal Thoughts

There's not much to say about this. These are the snippets I wrote to feel out Mila and Nolan. This is the planning feeling out stages that eventually evolved into I Am the Demon Queen's Doctor. But the reason I wanted to write it in the beginning because like.... In otome isekai, the duke is like... ALWAYS SO MEAN TO THE DOCTORS??? Like why are you threatening that poor doctor with death man, leave the doctor alone. ;w; So I wanted to write something like that.

I gave a low hum as my gaze slowly trailed to his lips. He certainly had a lovely pair of them, not too thin, not too full. Come to think of it, human lovers commonly kissed each other, didn’t they? And judging by the way some of them went at it, it certainly seemed to be an indication of interest. Though I knew part of it was physical, I wasn’t foolish enough to deny that part of the pleasure was doing it with someone you had feelings for. So would I feel that way if I kissed him?

Standing up, I walked around the table to him and crossed my arms. Kissing him certainly was a shot. But how was one supposed to do it, exactly?

“Miss Mila? Is there something–”

“Stay quiet for a moment, Sir Nolan. I’m trying to figure this out,” I muttered as I leaned forward, eyes still glued to his lips. If I went straight in, my nose would certainly collide with his. So… Tilting my head, I leaned forward a bit more in an attempt to estimate my trajectory. Yes, this certainly would do. So–

A laugh interrupted my thoughts. Finally pulling eyes from his lips, I was met with an almost pitying, yet amused expression. The way it seemed to mock me quickly struck a nerve. Yet before I could say anything, he spoke.

“Are you trying to kiss me, Miss Mila?” he asked, his eyes twinkling. Feeling the corner of my mouth twitch, I turned away.

“Yes, but I don’t think I really want to anymore.” I replied, straightening up. “I don’t think you deserve it.” But my irritation only led him to laugh even more. 

“But that’s not how you kiss someone.” he said, taking my hands before I could walk away. “Would you like me to teach you?” I hated the way his voice sounded, as if he were coaxing a stubborn child. I still refused to look at him. But… it was a tempting offer. I heard he had been in a relationship before I came along. And, if he did kiss me the right way, I would get more insight regarding my feelings for him. So turning back, I eyed him irritably. 

“Only if you stop talking to me like that.” Apparently the way I said it served for something, because his golden eyes turned honey warm at my irritation.

“Of course,” he answered in that gushy way of his when he was exceptionally pleased with me. Feeling my ears go warm, I sighed. Really, he was impossible to understand. But before I knew it, instead of standing up to face me, I found myself pulled into his lap. Pushing his chest away, I couldn’t help but gape in confusion. 

“Do we need to be this close!?” I squeaked, but the arms he had around my waist prevented me from retreating too far away. 

“You said you wanted to learn, didn’t you?” The teasing sound of his voice paired with how it seemed to drop ever so slightly into that lower register made it feel as if ants were crawling down my spine. It felt as if a weight dropped into my lower abdomen. 

“Yes, and I said if you stopped talking to me with that voice!” But wrapping his arms around me, he pulled me close and dropped his lips next to my ear.

“Do you… dislike it when I talk to you like this, Mila?” It felt as if he jumpstarted my heart into overdrive. The way the low timber of his breath caressed my ear made me antsy, as if I had to do something right this moment but didn’t know what. Unable to figure out what to do with my hands, I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed him as tightly as I could while burying my face in his shoulder. But unfortunately, if anything, I was always truthful. 

“I don’t… dislike it…” I mumbled. “It makes me feel weird. But I don’t see what this has to do with kissing…” The honesty I freely gave bubbled up a laugh in him as he hugged me close. He was pleased, or perhaps amused, so much so he even planted a kiss upon my hair. 

“Okay, okay. You’re right. I’ll stop,” he chuckled in his normal voice. Letting go his grip and pulling away, he then cupped my cheek and gazed at me with those honeyed warm eyes. If I had to be honest, it was… odd to see with how much affection he was gazing at me. Like the lower register of his voice, it made me feel strange, as if he were seeing into my very heart. It made me feel vulnerable in a way I wasn’t used to. But… I couldn’t say I disliked it. 

“I’ll kiss you now, Mila. Close your eyes,” he said as he leaned in close, prompting me to frown. 

“How am I supposed to know how to do it or if I’m doing a good job if I can’t see you?” I questioned. But he simply laughed.

“You’ll know. Trust me.” So letting out a sigh, I shut my eyes and waited. And waited. And waited. 

“Just how long are you planning to take—”

“Patience,” he mumbled, sounding much closer than he did before, close enough to feel the exhale of his breath against my lips. It sent a jolt through my skin, nearly prompting me to move away. But feeling his hand curl around my waist and his thumb brush gently upon my cheek, I forced myself to stay. And then, after a moment, I felt a gentle brush against my eyelid. It was soft, almost barely noticeable, yet sent a shiver down my spine. Then came a kiss upon the tip of my nose, then the corner of my lips. It was odd, so odd. The kisses were soft, barely there, and yet my nerves felt ignited and alive. I couldn’t help but shake in anticipation. 

As I felt his forehead rest against mine, I knew what would come next. I could even feel his breath against my lips. But when they didn’t come as quickly as I would have liked, I found myself leaning in impatiently. He chuckled, no doubt at my impatience.

“Okay, okay,” he said, voice oozing in adoration, before finally brushing his lips against mine.

Like the kisses before, this was gentle, barely pressing against me before pulling back not too long later. But just as quickly as it disappeared, his lips pressed against mine once more. The pressure was firmer this time, but not insistent. But unlike what I expected, he didn’t move as if he were waiting for something. For me, perhaps? But what was I supposed to do? He knew I had never done this before—

“Don’t think, Mila,” I heard him whisper as he pulled back ever so slightly. “Just do what feels right.” And once more, his lips were upon mine, gently and sweetly. So, leaning into him and letting my hand cup his cheek, I simply tried. Tilting my head to the side, I hesitantly pressed my lips against his, and feeling him smile, he responded. 

It was an odd sensation, nothing I had ever felt before. My body was tingly and my head felt light. There was something about the way his thumb rubbed circles upon my waist or how he cupped my cheek so delicately. Perhaps it was the sounds he’d make when I responded in a way that pleased him or when he’d remind me of things like to breathe through my nose in that husky voice of his. I didn’t know what I was doing, but all I knew was that I wanted more. 

Much to my dismay, though, I felt him slowly pull away as he placed a few last kisses upon my lips. Though I tried to follow, he retreated before I could ask for more. Resting his forehead against mine, there must had been something pleasing with what he saw when he opened his eyes, for they crinkled in pleasure as what almost looked to be a smug smile found its way to his lips.

“Did you enjoy that, Mila?” he teased as I glanced away with a pout. 

“Perhaps if I had more,” I muttered in annoyance. My skin still felt tingly and my muscles tensed and antsy as if they were meant to do something more. I wanted to do something more. I wanted… something. To tear off my skin? To punch a wall? I wasn’t sure. But as if he understood, he simply chuckled before hugging me close and placing a kiss upon my forehead. 

“We can save that for next time.” He said, gazing at me with those molten honey golden eyes of his. Though I always noticed them, there was something within them that I simply could not ignore anymore. 

“You…” I paused, glancing away, feeling the tips of my ears burn. If I looked anymore, they would certainly set me alight. “You really like me, don’t you?”

He laughed then, taking my hand and brushing his lips against my knuckles. 

“Do you… hate scars, Miss Mila?” He asked hesitantly, a hint of worry evident upon his face.

“Me? Why would I?” I asked. “I’m a doctor for a man that regularly goes to war. I’ve lost track of the amount of scars I’ve seen. And as far as I see it, I would never call a visual representation of a man’s loyalty and sacrifice as ugly.” As I spoke, I cut a bandage to size and placed it upon his face. Thankfully the cut wasn’t deep, so I estimated it would only take a few days until it healed completely.

“That’s a relief,” he chuckled. “I don’t know what I’d do if you didn’t find me handsome anymore.” As he spoke, his eyes twinkled in that charming way of his, causing my cheeks to heat. There he was going on again, saying dumb things. It was odd. He rarely spoke around other people, but when he was around me, he couldn’t shut up. Unable to bear his gaze, I found myself paying extra attention to the supplies I was putting away. 

“Do you ever hear yourself speak, Sir Nolan? They say humility is a gift. Maybe you should look to acquire it for yourself.” As I stood to carry away the first aid kit, I couldn’t help but grumble when he only laughed more at me. 

“You know that you’re the only one whose thoughts matter to me,” he replied matter-of-factly. It made me want to scream in frustration. I couldn’t help but slam the kit back onto the shelf. 

“I just cannot understand you,” I muttered. “You never make any sense.” But as irritated as I was, when I turned to him, I was met with a smile overflowing in a warmth and affection that I couldn’t understand.