Monika M.

While everyone else found out Santa isn’t real as a kid I found out that the deaths in movies are in fact staged and felt my last hopes shatter

I’d honestly really love to take care of someone who’s struggling too much to do even the basics anymore especially if I’m the real reason they’re struggling - still laying in bed crying about what happened last night? Don’t worry about it I’ll wipe your tears away and whisper how truly sorry I am knowing I’ll just repeat what I did as soon as I’m forgiven - been halfway asleep the whole day and your vision is too blurry to see correctly? Don’t worry I’ll make sure you still drink enough water & cook your favorite meal too, I’ll help you brush your teeth when you don’t have the energy for it and take care of your hair so it doesn’t stay tangled, all as a quiet apology for how badly I’ve been treating you previously of course, not because I feel like I was in the wrong but because I have to fully make you believe I changed for the better - I surely never meant any harm by telling you to go deeper, that’s why I’m now helping you clean the blood off your wrist right? I’d stitch up all the cuts I know I’m the cause of, making sure you know you’d be worse without me - I’m the only one helping you now there’s no one else that would with how terribly difficult you’ve been getting, still wondering why <3

The only thing I’ll ever miss about 7th grade is how good it genuinely felt to walk back to class with her hand in hand after cutting together in the school bathroom omfg I need to see that really stupid grin on her face again every time the teacher asked why we took so long and I’d do about anything to share a razor blade with her again anything except contact her