(Redacted)

Im not a killer. And you know what, I hope my appearances everywhere and everyone knowing me drives you fucking mad.

I did go a LITTLE overboard than I normally would on the shading and gradient but it was just so so so pretty. This is definitely my favourite style and look and I didn’t realise I’d become so attached to this look but oh boy I should have seen it coming considering how long it’s been.

Yellow was such a delightful hue here and I usually avoid it like the plague but it’s just compliments this idea of angelic yet ancient feeling so well and I enjoy that IMMENSELY.

A Chappell Roan graphic art detour to say. Why do I still think of you. I wish I didn’t still think of you but I still care. Why do I still care. Why do I hope I’ll run into you on the street and we can talk and it will all be fine and we can go back to being friends.

This one SUCKS. the composition started out so strong and I don’t know where I lost it. I think this kind of framing is one I need to revisit just better. Maybe it’s the face? The over saturated text? Can’t place it.

I love you The Last Dinner Party and this song lives in my head absolutely free. It’s just so utterly devastating and makes me feel. So rude honestly. Get out of here with that thinking and feeling business.

Life update. I broke my arm so I haven’t been able to draw and it’s been killing me but FINALLY I am free of my cast.

I have a green handle sword variant of this that aesthetically not as good but it reminds me of a friend I wish I still had in my life and instead haunts me like a ghost that absolutely would be the one to kill me if he had the chance.

And we are back with another episode of ‘graphic-style-art-that-is-designed-specifically-to-process-feelings-that-I-absolutely-cannot-show-any-of-my-friends’ but this time I have entered into The Last Dinner Party territory. So I’m starting off in the same fashion. Green. And I’ll see where this takes me. Whether I make this too a series of art, or if this is one and done.

She’s beauty she’s grace she might kill me idk

sketch and reference image of me 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

My tiny itty bitty photo set of my silly little Merliah Summers Cosplay I made last year and had no intention of doing anyhtjng with. I’m not exceptionally comfortable in my own skin, especially not in a bikini, especially not in a public pace, especially not taking photos. I am more of a midsized queen and every once in a while people on the internet make me VERY aware of that fact. That’s a little funny to me. But also, I too and suddenly very aware of how people perceive me. But I fear my enjoyment of Barbie so genuinely overtakes any concerns I have. Hello my queen Merliah. I had a friend snap a few of these pics down at our local beach while I was out taking her Ariel photos.

I didn’t actually like how this one turned out at ALL so I feel like I need to come back and do another pass. I had two coloured variants and and none of them really sat well with me.

These lyrics really desperately stuck with me. I really really adore them, because yeah maybe I do with some people had given me the courtesy of ripping out met throat and letting me go, and that’s maybe going to stick with me until I die, but you know what, that’s honestly fine and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I am dying to make some art I’m actually proud of right now. I’ve had the acrylics out recently and I have ADORED that. Landscapes are so wonderful and I think I might just set up and paint live some time. I think I would like that.

I’m hoping this gets the last of it out of my system and I can forget anything ever happened. That would be nice. I don’t want his shadow to haunt me every time I swordfight or climb, and honestly I think I’m at the end. Every once in a while I have a moment of weakness and cry all over again. I wish we could go back to being friends, I wish we could look each other in the eye again, I wish that every time I saw his car on the way to work that it didn’t break me, and that he’d come back. I wish he didn’t lie. I wish he wasn’t so cruel. I wish that this horrible pattern of behaviour would break who knows, maybe he wouldn’t be the most hated man in the climbing gym. I want this to be out of my system. And he’s nearly gone from my head. Nearly.

Using this like a diary at this point and honestly, I have been the entire time anyway. For some incredibly fun context for anyone who wishes to hear it, the collection of Amazing Devil art was mostly inspired by the emotional and complex relationship I had with a close friend, before I found out he was just manipulating me until he got what he wanted, and then discarded me after use. That was rough. Really rough. It’s been about month since I found everything out. His old friends have taken me under their wing and honestly I wouldn’t have gotten out of it as unscathed as I have without them. I’m insanely grateful, and while I fear my friendship with them is entirely rooted in their utter hate for him, paired with the way that he treated me, I desperately hope the friendships I’ve made can transcend him. Turns out it’s really easy to make friends at rock-climbing when the most hated man there isn’t hovering over your shoulder. Who would have thought.

I can’t believe I got to have the classic ‘girl has to come to terms with evil manipulative boyfriend’ experience without ever actually having a boyfriend or being a girl. Not to be dramatic but Sabrina Carpenter’s new ‘Man’s Best Friend’ Album has been so oddly specific to this entire experience, like ok girl. Go off. Call me officially a fan.

I guess I get to go back to being the queer bitch I always was. That’s a nice feeling. Also massive shout out to my sword fighting teacher for explaining to me that I was actually being treated really poorly. Made me feel like I wasn’t going crazy. An absolute legend.

Living up to my username to finally post some more cosplay. This is a little costume I’ve been working on since March on and off, simple but strangely difficult. I don’t work with a lot of stretch fabrics, so the dance fabric was a learning curve for me, as well as making a structured fully boned top to maintain strength and have the ability to hold wings and *ahem* my boobs up. This is definitely a very different look for me. I’m usually a pretty grungy lad, medieval costumes, dirty, bit of a ragtag bitch, so shooting this and trying to look as whimsical and undeniably fairy was definitely and so genuinely the worst but my best friend and resident princess and dance expert was there to guide me through these photos thank GOD. I looked so awkward without her there posing me. This was my first set of wings I’ve ever made. People that make this shit cleanly are animals. They’re insane. And I respect them for that. Go icons go.

Unsure if this is a costume I could ever actually wear to a convention. Hoping to wear it to comic con but I fear back up clothes will undoubtedly be required.

Someone help me give her a name PLEASE.

this kind of art SCARES me but I want so badly to get better at it and I’m trying so hard to evolve my art skills rn. I feel like they’ve been so stagnant and I know I can do better and learn more so you know what that means ✨art study time✨.

“I won’t Leave, without a fight”

Battle Cries. I wanted this to be strangely reminiscent of my ‘Not Yet/Love Run’ one because that’s truely the one that started it all. I was yes to bring the dual of Battle Cries jn but honestly couldn’t bring myself to do it. The peace of the final verse is comforting and honestly that’s what I needed, but the remnants of whatever Dual could have been is there in the form of a single messer. I’m not sure if the hand is reaching for the messer or letting it go. I haven’t decided. And maybe I won’t. It’s your interpretation.

Fair. The song that got me into the Amazing Devil to start with. I use to think about one specific person when I heard this song, and now I think of an entirely different person. It’s funny how things shift like that. This is not where I thought I’d be in the span of eight months, but it’s not unwelcome.

This one was a tough one. I feel like every time I’d try and think of a picture for this I couldn’t. So many of those lyrics are things that perhaps I want, maybe yearn for, that create such a sense of longing, but they’re all of things I don’t have, have never had, and right now, maybe I don’t want. So I settled in the one set of lyrics that I do have. The need to Stay. The need to Comfort. The need to Support.

“Darling I was born to press my head into your shoulder blades at night when light is fading, just to let you know I’m old waylaid and feel like I am wading”