Vanity over Sanity

Teddy’s jaw grew tight when Nate explained his trepidation concerning the uncovered window at night. He’d guessed as much, it made complete sense that he would feel lingering fear after the assault especially with the perpetrators still free and roaming. It wasn’t Nate’s needs that made Teddy’s blood run icy with hatred; it was those monsters and what they’d done to his sweet selkie boy. “It’s a most wise decision to study physical defence tactics,” Teddy said after a minute had passed. “It will give you a stronger feeling of being able to stave off any attacks.”

Nate changed the subject, determinedly returning to his jam toast and his selkie concerns, but Teddy wasn’t quite ready to leave it just yet. “Nathaniel,” he said, “it’s important that you don’t blame yourself for any of what happened to you. I understand that there’s a course of emotions that you’ll be going through, the fear and hesitation and the shaken self-confidence; however, if there’s one aspect that I’d like you to work on banishing, it’s the idea that you were in any way to blame. Do you understand?”

Reaching over, Teddy gently gripped Nate’s chin and tipped his head up. “That will be your task and I expect you to work on it in good faith.” He held Nate there for a few moments and then let go, returning to the last part of his breakfast. “Oh, are you and Sebastian podmates now?” Teddy asked in interest. “You’ve formed a pod with him, or he was part of a larger one that you joined?”

Nathaniel could actually see Teddy getting upset the more he spoke of it, which tempted him to shut his mouth as quickly as possible. Even he, the victim didn’t like speaking of it because it seemed so silly. Seeing shadow people and all. Nate guessed he was going insane. Sometimes he saw them right there in the middle of the day, and he’d have to reroute his whole day to avoid them. The farthest Nathaniel had ever gone to avoid them was walk around the whole park just to get to an ice cream parlor, and by then he no longer wished for ice cream, but to go back home (which he went the long way once more). 

But as Teddy brought the subject back, Nate grumbled, much like a toddler, his eyes looking up at Teddy, though his head still bowed, his own animalistic body language for submission. But Teddy seemed to want none of that when he tilted his head back up. “I-I know I’m not to blame...” he said quietly, looking back down out of habit as he fiddled with his pajama shirt hem. He cleared his throat, but in the back of his head were the “what if’s” such as “what if I had gotten home earlier? What if I didn’t take the scenic route? What if I bit one of them when they violated me? He sighed, and reformed a smile up at Teddy. 

“Winnie the Blueberry Boy, eh?” Teddy chuckled at the thought, wiping his mouth with a cloth napkin as he paused in eating to enjoy a cup of tea. “I could see that, Nathaniel, you eating the berries out of hand instead of collecting them. And you are very fond of honey indeed.” He reached for the honey jar, picking it up and holding it in the light so it turned light and golden. Lowering it to drizzle onto one of his pieces of toast, Teddy went on, “However, there is only one bear in this house and it isn’t you, pet.”

He noticed Nate slipping some food to the cat, but didn’t point it out; when Nate wasn’t there, Teddy occasionally fed the little animal from his own plate, finding it comforting. But he perversely didn’t want Nate to know that. “A cat tower is necessary, yes,” Teddy agreed, “but I insist that it be one of the better sort, wood and sisal, instead of that horrid carpeting.” Teddy shuddered at the thought of how a carpet-covered cat tree would look in his flat, the dust and cat hair it would collect. “And I shall have some blinds installed in the windows.”

There was clearly a deeper reason for that, but Teddy left that aside to address the rest of Nathaniel’s requests. The mention of when Nate would need to bepunished brought a warmth up through Teddy’s throat that he hastily drowned with more tea, harrumphing and returning to his meal. “I’ll have the flat fitted with aircon as soon as possible. I haven’t had it done because I can regulate my body temperature. And filtration to help the air quality.” Taking out his phone, Teddy quickly made a note of these things, nodding as Nate asked for a beanbag chair as well. “You shall have everything you need here with me, Nathaniel,” he promised, then leaned forward, reaching out to clasp Nate’s wrist. “And you can tell me when things make you uncomfortable, or frightened. Like the uncovered window at night. Is there something in particular, love, that makes you uneasy about it?”

Nathaniel was a bit nervous asking for his three things. He knew Teddy could handle it, but he always felt it was a bother financially when he needed little things like a chair or curtains. It was another part of his anxiety that was always picking at him, telling him he was always bothering Teddy. Even when he was at his happiest, it was there. Though he was grateful Theo would never notice his hidden nerves. However when Teddy reached over and touched him, he averted his eyes and licked his lips, index finger scratching at the nail of his thumb. “Eh.. well... I mean..” He scratched his head. “I know theyre not real.. and I know no one is there.. But sometimes at night if I look out to the window I can see shadow like figures standing there, watching me.. and I feel like they-” he paused, waiving his hand awkwardly. “The men.. know where I am and like watching me because they know I’m scared.” He shrugged, sighing. 

Fiddling with his tie as he paid attention to Nate’s recitation of the available breakfast items, Teddy murmured with a smile, “Have I ever mentioned just how partial I am to homemade jam? The number of times I’ve sat down with a jar and scoffed the entire thing in one go is quite appalling, really. Particularly strawberry, that’s my favourite.” He shook his head when Nate offered a to-go option, saying, “I’ve plenty of time to sit and enjoy a meal with you, my dear boy, especially since you’ve provided us with such a wealth of delicacies. The benedict smells absolutely mouth-watering.”

Teddy settled with his own plate of food and the jar of strawberry jam, which he immediately spread a generous dollop over the toast and munched it with a cup of tea. “Leg down at the breakfast table, if you please,” Teddy said, his tone even but brooking no refusal. “Luncheon is the only meal where such casual attitude is appropriate.” He watched Nate suck on his spoonful of honey, the stickiness of it as he took it from his pink lips, and dusted his fingers after the toast to pick up his knife and fork.

Beginning to cut the benedict into neat, swift pieces, Teddy said, “You seem to be of the same mind about honey as I am about jam, Nathaniel. Mind you don’t glut yourself on it. A regular serving of honey is good for the digestion and breathing, but you mustn’t be greedy about it.” Lecture over, Teddy patted his mouth with a napkin and took more tea. “Now that you’ve become accustomed to my flat,” he said, “is there anything you’d like to have added? Some item of furniture or decor that would make you more comfortable here?”

Nathaniel looked down at his foot and brought it to the floor, scooting his chair in to stop himself if he did it by nature. Nathaniel scooped a plentiful amount of blueberry jam onto his toast, and happily hummed when the sweet jam met his mouth. “My mother used to call me blueberry boy when she caught me picking from her garden. My father had a nick name for me as well, Winnie, because I used to ask for honey as a bedtime snack.” Nate chuckled at the memory, sneaking a piece of bacon towards his cat when Teddy wasn’t looking. Teddy and his table manners.. Nate wasn’t as pompous, and always had to remember his manners when he ate around the other. 

One habit that Teddy absolutely did not break was the necessity of being properly dressed and groomed before he came down for breakfast. That was the civil manner to breakfast for an Englishman and Teddy felt out-of-sorts if he was ever required to skip his morning ablutions.

With Nate installed in his flat, however, Teddy was free to attend to his attire and then go down to the kitchen to some marvellous meal. And on top of that, he mused as he padded in stockinged feet to the kitchen island, he was further sustained by the sight of the selkie preparing the last touches. Nate was always delightfully rumpled in the mornings, still softened by sleep, occasionally singing to himself as he sliced and stirred and scrambled. 

Today was no exception as he padded barefoot along the kitchen, sleepy eyed and bedheaded. He never tried intimidating his hair into neat curls before 9am. they only fought back. Today, Teddy found Nathaniel singing “Golden Afternoon” to himself before he turned and smiled, looking down at his creations. There was a very evident beam of pride glowing off of him as he set plates along the table, all filled with food. 

“Well um.. Toasted bread, nothing special. But...” Nate lifted a jar filled to the brim with a dark blue jelly. “Home made Jam. I’ve made this a few days ago. Blueberries are my personal favorite but I also made strawberry.” he motioned to a bright red jar. “Then there’s eggs benedict, paired with a rich red wine sauce on top. Just enough spice to wake you up.” Nate smiled happily, rubbing his hands together as he pointed to another dish. “Fresh bacon I picked up from the butcher. Ah- oven baked, not fried. And if you don’t have time to sit and eat, I’ve also have smoked salmon I can cut and put on toast with creme cheese and chives for you.”