naomi; when I die, there'll be traces of my love

Title: Rest kudasai!!

part of autism is just being incredibly stressed. overstimulation? stress. holding a conversation? stress. something happening to our schedule? stress. people talk about how often autism is recognized and diagnosed via our stress responses (like meltdowns) because it is just so common to see autistic people stressed because of lack of accommodations to how our brains work.

like. loud noises physically hurt. it’s like a static shock from my ears to my spine that doesn’t stop until the volume goes back down. i thought we all agreed that ‘that’s too loud!’ and covering our ears meant ‘ouch!’. turns out i’ve been dealing with a stressor almost no one else has, my whole life, alone.

pairing: kakashi x fem! reader.

genre: fluff

tags: idiots rivals in love, konoha jōnin! reader, unresolved feelings, wartime tension, wounds/ blood mentioned, everyone (everyone) knows they’re in love but them.

synopsis: more than a decade of rivarly, and you never managed to catch kakashi off guard. leave it to a great ninja war to finally change things.

or in which the akatsuki knows exactly what weapon to use against konoha’s strongest captain.

wc: 2.2k

masterlist

everyone knew the akatsuki would be an unpredictable and terribly dangerous enemy. but not a soul could have predicted everything that went down on the first day on the fourth great ninja war.

impure world reincarnation… how cowardly and ignoble.

“take a break my dear kakashi!” gai’s voice suddenly rung in his ears, ripping the recently appointed captain out of his thoughts. “a squad from the second division just joined us, they will help keep watch while we revigorate ourselves!”

kakashi nodded, exhaustion silencing his instinct to remain alert at all times. a war is won through proper rest just as much as through battles.

once his back hit the trunk of the tree he chose as his resting place, he didn’t lose a second opening his beloved book. the soft moonlight peeking through the leaves was barely enough to make out the words on the pages, but he almost knew it by heart anyway.

“even the fourth ninja war won’t rip that book away from your hands, it seems.”

hair rose on his arm when he recognized the voice. he couldn’t help the way his gaze jumped up to wash over you, scrutinizing your body for any trace of harm.

none apparent. you were, after all, one of konoha’s strongest.

“i wasn’t aware you were in the squad that broke away from division two,” kakashi ignored the familiar thrill that animated him whenever he was about to push your buttons. “hope it’s not because you were being insubordinate. again.”

your eyes narrowed at him, lip twitching in irritation, yet you still dropped down beside him like you were invited.

“think i’d ever go out of my way just to spend time with you? that’s cute.”

a smile cracked his mouth open, one he barely contained before it spilled over the edge of his mask.

he glanced up from his book – not a single word he was pretending to read registered since you appeared. you were already staring at him intensely. kakashi’s heart jumped, startled, and tripped over itself, losing its regular rythm.

that was not the first time it happened – but each time, the jōnin felt a little bit more stupid and a little bit more like he was back at ten year old, not knowing how to act ever since his unfortunate little comment about your performance during the chunin exam bound your undying wrath to his humble self for eternity.

it hadn’t taken long for him to step out of his dazed state when the two of you fell into a rivalry that made gai green – greener than he already was – with envy.

kakashi hadn’t meant for it to happen, but you were just too insufferable. always letting your mouth run, unable to give up when needed, holding grudges like never before and most importantly – having a serious problem with authority.

one that he experienced firsthand for decades throughout countless missions, since the third hokage seemed suspiciously fond of your pairing.

“your brain’s too small for you to do all that thinking.”

while the hatred might have wore off into a friendlier rivalry with the years, your sharp tongue hadn’t, unfortunately, become dull.

“nice to see the war had no impact on your maturity,” kakashi sighed, dragging his gaze back to his book, knowing damn well you hated it when he ruined your fun.

“get off your high horse,” you rolled your eyes. a silence stretched, before you spoke again. “i heard you fought the seven swordsmen of the mist.”

“we did.”

“good job.”

he looked up. your eyes had left his side and were now lost in the treeline, but he knew your attention remained on him.

“that’s the first time you ever complimented me,” kakashi noted.

“i can take it back.”

he hummed, as if contemplating. “too late.”

you chuckled, and leaned closer to him. not by much to the exterior eye, but by a landslide for someone that knew you and your apathy for the copy ninja. that was terrible for his focus. the warmth of your body teased his own like a flytrap. it clouded his thoughts.

his throat was drier than usual when he finally asked, suspicion lacing his voice, “is everything okay?”

“yeah,” you fluttered your eyelashes at him. “i was just thinking. about us.”

kakashi froze. you angled your body so that you were facing him as you talked, on hand softly grazing his knee before firmly settling here.

“i think i’ve been unfair to you,” you continued, and the grey-haired ninja had to gather all his strength to focus on your words and not your hand. “i know i made things difficult. on missions. i know i didn’t always–“

“you never followed a single order i gave.”

“now you’re exaggerating. i never followed the bad orders you gave.”

“orders are orders. if you don’t follow them–“

“kakashi.”

his stomach twisted.

his name. you never use his name – not when adressing him directly. it was always hatake or you – or a bunch of insults – clipped and pointed like the small blades you carry. but now, soft, in the dark, in your voice…

something pulled in the back of his mind. a sense of wrongness. but he was too busy cataloguing the exact way his name sounded in your mouth, the exact way you looked when you dropped the sarcastic armor…

you’d move closer again. he hadn’t noticed until tentative fingers brushed against the side of his jaw.

“i guess what i’m trying to say…”

your eyes were so big, so warm, they pulled him in – him, the man who thought he was not one to fumble before you, for he had faced much worse. oh how wrong he was. because the way you slowly reduced the space between your two faces, kakashi was certain that all his ideals, his guilt, his fears, his reluctance, his reason – all would crumble if you pressed your lips to his.

“y/n–“

“i’m sorry, kakashi. i was wrong about you.”

wrong.

the word rang in his ears as you leaned closer, spinning so fast in his mind it dissolved the fog your proximity had casted.

you whispered his name again.

i was wrong.

his hand suddenly grabbed your wrist. too late. the kunai already came flying like a bullet. kakashi barely had time to throw his neck out of the trajectory before the blade plunged in the flesh of his shoulder.

he let out a pained groan. in a split second, his sharingan flashed and your body was thrown across the ground with the force of his kick.

“what a shame. i was almost there.”

your face dissolved into something pale and hollow-eyes, and the creature smiled at him with too many teeth.

zetsu.

a quiet anger flooded the copy ninja’s veins. he should’ve known… the enemy could copy someone’s chakra signature and seamlessly blend in.

he hoped whatever this was, it did not mean you were hurt – or worse.

“was the apology too much?” the white minion taunted him. “i thought i had her personality pretty much covered. courtesy of yamato’s memories, of course.”

kakashi did not grant him an answer – he was not stupid enough to reveal the one detail zetsu could use again to copy you perfectly.

which was you’d rather die than ever admit you were wrong.

“what did you do to her?”

the akatsuki member seemed to sense the threat laced in the question. “just stole a bit of chakra. don’t worry, we had other plans for her… her weakness had always been her parents, hasn’t it?”

kakashi’s eyes widened when he understood. the enemy had reincarnated your parents. not only were they legendary warriors from the village – they were the people you loved and missed more than anything in the world. fighting them… it would crush you.

“bastards,” he spat through gritted teeth.

“ah yes, you were always very attached to her weren’t you?” zetsu continued pleasantly. “yamato noticed. he’s very observant. who you protect… who you watch when you think no one’s looking. apparently, a lot of your friends share his little theory. not very discreet of you. but you are not a ninja with many weakness, kakashi of the sharigan, so this theory … we had to test it.”

kakashi’s jaw clenched at the mention of his friend, captured by the akatsuki. he was quivering with impatience to blow zetsu in pieces, but he needed to collect as much intelligence on what the enemy knew about them.

“i was curious too. how pleasant it was to discover he was right all along!” his uncanny smile returned, splitting his face in half. “of course you love her. your rival. someone you have history with. so much tension between you two. someone who would seek you out, who’d have a reason to get close – and you’d let her, wouldn’t you. because you’d want to.”

kakashi wished he could deny it. the compliment, the use of his name, the physical contact. too many things didn’t add up. but there was a part of him that wanted it, wanted you – so much it crushed the rational, alert side of his brain.

“it worked beautifully. only a second more and i would have slit the throat of the great copy ninja,” zetsu grinned. “human feelings make such clean little traps.”

kakashi’s glare could have crucified the white creature of its spot. “you talk too much.”

the scream of a thousand birds split the air. zetsu didn’t talk after that.

blood – his own – pooled on the grass as he walked back to the trunk. he picked up his book, careful not to taint it red. walked back to camp.

maybe the universe wanted to punish for falling into this lousy trap. when he ducked in the medical tent, one hand covering his gaping wound, you were already inside. mid-argument with a medic-nin.

yes, no doubt. that was the real one.

a weird mix of relief, embarrassment, and warmth washed over him.

“i can fight just as well with one hand as i can with two–“

“miss y/n, i am only asking you to stay overnight to mend your wrist, other unharmed ninja can assure patrolling–“

“oh for fuck’s sake just–“

you stopped mid-sentence when you saw kakashi. your eyes fell straight to his bloody shoulder.

“how the hell did that happen?”

the medic-nin let out a long, exasperated sigh when you jumped to your feet. that earned him a glare, and in a split second you had shoved the copy ninja in his hands for him to mend.

“it’s fine,” kakashi answered, but a hiss of pain contradicted his claim.

“i didn’t ask.” the look on your face was one he knew well. a deep frown carved between your brows – not exactly worry. not mainly – you also had that look of when someone beat you to something. “who did this to you?”

“an enemy combatant,” he groaned as he forced his body still. “as one might expect. at war.”

you clicked your tongue in irritation, and kakashi knew you’d have hit him if he weren’t already hurt. a smile sneaked onto his lips. you were worried.

“that’s almost to the bone,” dark eyes traced his wound again. your voice sharpened when you continued: “i’ve sparred with you for years, hatake. i have never once– how did they even get that close?”

he looked at a fixed point above your head. beads of sweat rolled off his skin and it wasn’t because of the heat.

“they caught me off guard.”

you raised a dubious brow. “you?”

“it happens,” kakashi swallowed thickly.

“not to you.”

your eyes narrowed, as if you were doing math and the results were not adding up.

“what did they do? what was the opening?” of course, he should’ve known. you weren’t questioning him out of concern – you wanted to know how to beat him. little did you know…

“are you seriously jealous of someone because they stabbed me?” disbelief coated his question.

you rolled your eyes. “no. i just want to know what i’ve been missing.” the medic-nin sighed again behind them, no doubt further exasperated by you. “come on, spill it, hatake. how did they do it?”

kakashi was quiet for too long. his wound was throbbing, his face was too warm behind his mask. he became aware that he had not yet come up with a single answer he was willing to give you, and the longer the moment stretched, the more obvious it grew.

“get your wrist wrapped,” he deflected.

“hatake–“

“enough!” the medic-nin shrieked and you both jumped, startled by the sudden outburst. “both of you stay here overnight to heal. we only have so much beds, so you’ll just have to share this one. but if i hear one more bickering from either one of you, i will kick you out!”

with that, he stomped angrily towards the furthest medical kit, grumbling about ninjas and childish behaviour during the war.

when he glanced back at you, kakashi could have sworn your cheeks had turned pink as you eyed the ridiculous tiny bed he was sat on.

oh.

pairing: kakashi x fem! reader

genre: fluff

tags: friends in love, kunoichi! reader, unresolved feelings, jealousy, pakkun does not want to be here

synopsis: kakashi is very good at being distant, and very bad at admitting he doesn’t want to be. so bad he resorts to using his dog as a wingman to gain his former teammate’s attention.

or in which kakashi uses pakkun to distract you from your conversation with another man. jealous? him? never.

wc: 1.4k

masterlist